


Just Give Me A Reason

by superwholockfangirl



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Abuse, Aftermath, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Exhausted Keith, Fluff, Gay Keith, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, I love my boys, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Keith and Shiro are Siblings, M/M, PTSD, Past Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Protective shiro, Shiro is a good brother, Shiro is going through some shit too, Sick Keith (Voltron), Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Violence, Whump, bi lance, broganes, but not really, exhausted Shiro, he's also stressed af, lance is a good friend, like fist fight violence, lotor is a dick, poor boys, so are Hunk and Pidge, that's why they have to suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-08-18 20:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16524269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholockfangirl/pseuds/superwholockfangirl
Summary: Five months after a traumatic experience, Keith still struggles to get back in control of his live. Shiro wants him to make friends at his new school but Keith isn't excited about it in the least. Getting to know an annoying stranger called Lance doesn't exactly change his mind. But slowly he begins to realize that maybe this could be his chance - only not in a way that his worried brother would approve of. Things threaten to get out of hand when Keith starts to develop feelings for the blue eyed boy and gets in trouble for standing up against the school bully, Lotor, who threatens to reveal his humiliating past.Lots of broganes, Klance, h/c, fluff and a little violence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! Welcome to my new story! If you already read one of my other fics you know I mainly focus on broganes and Klance and change the POV from time to time. I will add more tags later (also, maybe warnings). I didn't want to give you too many hints on Keith's past by tagging it just yet but I will definetely give you a warning when the time is there, so if there's something that triggers you, keep a look at the tags and the notes. 
> 
>  
> 
> Apart from that, I hope you enjoy the first chapter and leave me a comment:)

„Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to go to school just yet?”, Shiro inquired for what felt the hundredth time this week with a worried frown on his face.

Keith sighed. “I thought we already talked about this.”

“I know. I’d still prefer you staying home for another few weeks.” The older boy argued, “Just until-“

“Until what?”

Shiro gave in with a sigh raising his arms in surrender. He didn’t want to provoke another quarrel. “I wrote you a sicknote for PE. Come on, I drive you!”

“I walk.”, Keith had shouldered his backpack and was out of the door before Shiro could stop him. The older man looked after him worriedl

Keith trudged away from the house he and Shiro lived in as of late. Low in his stomach, he felt anger burning while he turned towards the main road. He wasn’t mad at Shiro who he knew was only doing his best. If he was being honest he didn’t even know at what or whom he was mad which irritated him even further.

The traffic light forced him to stop. For a second, he considered going straight on and watching the cars braking sharply in front of him. He clenched his hands into fists forcing himself to take a few deep breathes.

As soon as the lights turned yellow he hurried to cross the street. An ugly bright blue car stopped in front of him with squealing tires almost knocking him over. “Watch where you’re going!”, an annoying voice screamed at him.

Keith glared coldly into his direction before he flipped him of and continued his walk. He couldn’t deny that the swearing and cursing behind him made him smile. The feeling of being in control for once settled him down.

The Garrison Highschool looked exactly like every other public school in the united states. A two-storied grey building on a definite area that basically screamed Do Not Enter. On the parking lot a few students that were definitely too young to be allowed cigarettes yet, were smoking. Passing teachers gave them taunting looks but didn’t say anything. A few kids were brought by their parents who parked on the middle of the road causing a traffic jam. Others were standing in small groups in front of the school, clothes and styles matching. Keith had to fight the impulse to roll his eyes at them while he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt further over his head entering the Building.

Inside, it didn’t look any better. Not even the randomly chosen colorful pictures on the wall could make the cramped loud floors seem any friendlier. Keith bit his lip whenever he was shoved or pushed on his way to the administration trying not to snap at the screaming students.

“Come in!”, a middle-aged woman called him in after he’d knocked at the office door. When Keith entered the secretary looked up at him expectantly through her thick glasses her hands pausing over the keyboard of her ancient Computer.

Keith shoved his hands deeply into his pockets for a second relishing the quietness. “I’m Keith Kogane. The new student. I was told to-“

“Of course!”, she called grabbing the file that was lying next to her PC.

Usually it would bother him to be interrupted like this but lately he couldn’t bring himself to care. Actually, he was grateful for not being forced to talk.

“So, when did you and your family moved hither?”, she asked and Keith had to bite back a groan at her attempt of making Small Talk. Especially since she didn’t really look like she was honestly interested in the information he had to offer.

“A few weeks ago.”

She hummed to indicate she’d heard him. “And, already made friends here?”

“No.”

“Well, here’s your schedule and an overview of our school, our policy, extracurricular activities and every information you’ll need to find your way around here. If you have any questions you can ask your class teacher or one of your classmates. Your father was pretty insistent-“

“My brother.”, Keith corrected immediately.

She pursed her lips unhappy by the interruption, “Well, he insisted that you wouldn’t have to participate in PE.”, she paused probably waiting for Keith to explain the argument behind this occasion. Keith, however, didn’t. “You’ve got to show the note to your PE teacher before your first lesson. Do you need someone to show you around or…?”

“I get along on my own.”, he stated and before the secretary could say anything else he’d disappeared again into the anonymity of the crowd.

He opened the folder pulling out the schedule. His class teacher was apparently called Mr. Kolivan and taught English and Math. He had him during the first lesson. Now he only had to find his classroom. He looked around frantically in the attempt to find an indication as to where he actually was.

“Hey, handsome!” Someone laid a hand on his shoulder making him flinch away violently. “You look like you could need some help?”

Keith looked up at a tall boy with caramel colored skin and unbelievable blue eyes. He was smiling at him and- where that finger guns, he was making at him? Great. A fuckboy.

“The name’s Lance.”, he winked and -yes, he was actually making finger guns!- while Keith kept silently glaring at him. “There are not many people who can look attractive with a haircut like that but you knock it off well, mullet boy!”

Keith wanted to wipe that smug grin off the stranger’s annoying face.

“So, are you going to tell me your name or do I have to guess?”, Apparently this Lance guy didn’t seem to get the hint.

“Lance, leave the poor guy alone!” A girl - or was it a boy? Honestly, Keith couldn’t care less – stepped up next to Lance. They were short with dark blonde curly hair and round glasses. Somehow they reminded him at one of Shiro’s former Friends.

A third guy approached them. He was wearing a bright yellow shirt that hurt Keith’s eyes just by looking at it. His bandana kept his dark hair from falling into his eyes. He was even bigger than Lance and at least taller by a head than him. “Hey guys, did we make a new friend?”

Pidge huffed, “Lance scared the poor boy to death. He hasn’t said one word yet.”

“Aw.”, Hunk bent forward inspecting him further. Keith shrunk back feeling uncomfortable by all the prodding and staring. “You good, man? You look a little pale.”

“We could call him Snow White until we find out his name!”, Lance exclaimed but Keith was too busy staring at the hand approaching him. When the big guy touched him, he flinched away so violently the others looked at him in shock. He turned around leaving as fast as possible

He had no idea where he was going but at some point he found a restroom. With shaking fingers, he opened the door and locked himself into a stall. He let his bag fall onto the ground and sat onto the toilet seat rocking himself back and forth. For a second he played with the thought of calling his brother. Of course, he immediately discarded this idea. Shiro would pick him up right this instant and not let him go to school this week again.

He stayed hidden in the stall until the bell rang in the begin of the first period and he had to hurry to his class. Luckily he found the right room quickly and came just in time to the begin of the lesson. His English teacher, a huge man of few words with dark hair and muscular physique asked him if he wanted to introduce himself.

“Not really.”, he murmured keeping his eyes onto his desk that was littered with names, insults and dicks like pretty much every desk in school he’d ever seen.

“Okay. This is Keith Kogane, your new classmate. Be nice to him and supportive. He’s new in town.”, Kolivan informed the class and Keith had to avoid the partly curious, partly bored glances of the other students.

“Well, at least I know your name now!”, he heard a familiar voice whisper behind him.

Keith had to keep himself from groaning. Of course, the annoying boy had to be in the same class as him!

The English lesson wasn’t too bad. Keith had always liked the subject and Kolivan talking in front of the class was a nice distraction from his thoughts. As soon as the period ended however, he saw himself confronted by his problems again in the form of the annoying stranger named Lance approaching him. Before he could say anything Keith had turned around and soon found himself locked into the restroom once again

This process repeated itself in the second and the third break. He didn’t want to be forced into a conversation once again and apparently, the men’s room was the only place nobody tried to make boring small talk or befriend him or whatever Lance and his gang had tried this morning.

When school was out, he buried his hands into his pockets and with bowed head practically ran out of school desperate to flee from all the people surrounding him. Today had to be his lucky day because he ran straight into his brother who immediately pulled him in for a hug. “Shiro?”

“Hey, Keith. How was your first school day, buddy?”

Keith managed to free himself from the older boy. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I could pick you up from school! So, did you make new friends? How are your teachers? Are your classmates nice?”

“Shiro!”, he groaned dragging him towards the car. If Lance managed to find him while he was with Shiro he knew for sure it wouldn’t have a good ending for him. “It was okay.”, he told his big brother after they’d entered the car.

“Yes? That’s great, buddy!”, Shiro beamed. The older boy looked so blissfully happy by the prospect of Keith having had a good time that he couldn’t bring himself to tell him how he’d spend his breaks. Not that he would’ve told him either way. “I got you another appointment.”, Shiro suddenly said out of the blue.

Keith stiffened, “You what?”

“I read a lot of great articles about him. I’m sure if you gave it a try-“

“Did you pick me up from school because I wouldn’t have the chance to run away from you here?”, he asked completely ignoring what Shiro had been about to say.

“No! Yes! Kinda. I mean, I know you can’t talk about it to me. Not yet, at least but if you-“

“Stop it!”, Keith’s hands clenched around his backpack so hard his knuckles turned white. Fortunately, Shiro seemed to get the hint and didn’t finish his sentence.

“I got you an appointment for this afternoon. I know you don’t want to go but please, do it for me!”, Shiro wasn’t above begging if it was about his little brother’s Health.

Keith sighed in resignation, “Only if you promise this is the last one!”

“Deal.”, the older boy grinned. “You won’t regret it!”

Keith only huffed in annoyance. As soon as they entered the safety of their four walls, Keith went upstairs laying down on his bed with a book. Hopefully reading would help him drowning out his thoughts. At some point he must’ve dozed off because he was awoken by a hand stroking through his hair. Abruptly he sat up staring wide eyed at his older brother who held up his hands in surrender.

“Sorry, buddy. I didn’t mean to startle you. Didn’t you get enough sleep tonight?”, he sounded innocent enough, still Keith wasn’t going to fall for it.

“No, I just took a nap like you’re always telling me to.”, he lied.

But Shiro knew his brother well enough not to believe him. “Nightmares?”

Keith chose not to answer this.

“You should’ve said something sooner. You don’t have to go to school if you’re so tired.”

“Shiro…!”, he sighed exhaustedly. ”Just for once, stop being that protective.”                                                                                 

The older man smiled sheepishly. “I’m really overdoing it at times, am I?” He knew he was exaggerating it. He just couldn’t help it. Keeping Keith safe had turned into an obsession at this point of time. It was the dominating thought inside of his head, the only thing that seemed important to him.

“’S okay.” He murmured. He didn’t want his brother to have a bad conscience for _caring_ about him.

Shiro being the huge Teddy bear he was, pulled him in for a hug. Keith stiffened for a second before he relaxed into the older boy’s side letting him nuzzle his hair with his nose. “Just please tell me if it’s getting too much for you, okay? We can deal with everything. School, nightmares, insomnia. You just have to tell me.”

 _No, not with everything_ , Keith thought bitterly. “Okay.”

“Do you want me to move your appointment?”

Keith shook his head, “No, let’s just get over with it!”

“Okay.”, the way Shiro smiled at him with so much affection and pity made his stomach clench uncomfortably. He stood up to get his jacket and shoes only to realize he was already wearing them apparently having forgotten to pull them off. “I guess you’ll insist on driving me?” He knew from experience Shiro’d throw a fit whenever he was further away from him than a fifteen minutes bus ride. It was annoying but for now he could take it.

“It looks like it’s going to rain later.”, Shiro justified grabbing his keys. “Are you sure you don’t want to grab something to eat anything before we go?”

“I’m good.”, he assured his overly concerned brother.

“We’re going to talk about you skipping meals later.”

Keith groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, I'm back! What I forgot to mention; I'm not a native speaker and am still learning, so if you find any mistakes please let me know!  
> Anyway, have fun wth the new chapter:)

Keith felt like this appointment Shiro’d made for him was more helpful for his older brother than for him. It honestly wouldn’t have bothered him at all if Shiro would’ve at least admit it. But instead of talking about his overprotectiveness and his own fears, he talked about Keith. And he told the doctor everything that came to his mind. Of Keith not making friends at his new school -  it was only one day, mind you! (to be fair, they both knew this wouldn’t change any time soon); of him not sleeping enough and having nightmares; him skipping meals. He even told him about the migraines he sometimes got, his sensitivity to touch and aversion to lights and noises.

There were few parts of his life that weren’t torn apart, dissected and analyzed and honestly, Keith hated every second of it. When the doctor – god bless him – finally shooed his older brother out to talk to Keith in private, he already felt nauseous. At least the man who had to be in his late fifties with a white beard and equally greyish white hair, was calmer than his hysteric brother and mostly left the talking to him. Only that Keith wasn’t in the mood to talk. Honestly though, when was he ever? So, they mostly stayed silent. The doctor – he had forgotten his name as soon as Shiro’d said it – didn’t ask too personal questions at least, apparently sensing that nothing good would come out of it. But much to his pleasure he asked a few questions about his brother.

When the hour was over he offered the man a polite nod and left the room without so much as glancing back. Shiro jumped up as he entered the waiting room.

“And? How was it?”

“Good. I got you an appointment for next week.” It wasn’t even a lie. He’d asked the doctor if he would treat his brother as to which the older man had told him smiling he should call him sometime during the week.

The way Shiro opened his mouth and closed it again like a fish in the desert told him the older boy had something to say. Just like expected he decided against it, however and followed Keith outside instead towards the car.

During the ride home none of them said anything. Keith was exhausted and barely managed to stifle his yawns. Shiro noticed this too and after the first third of the forty-minute ride Keith found himself suddenly wrapped up in his brother’s huge jacket. Blinking away the tiredness, he sat up straight now even more determined to stay awake. Shiro sighed.

Before he could vanish into his room once again, Shiro caught him by his wrist. “Sorry.”, he apologized when the younger boy flinched for a moment having forgotten that Keith couldn’t stand it when he was touched without warning. He shrugged it off waiting for his brother to say whatever he had to get off his chest. “I know we aren’t talking about it.”, he began.

_I’m not talking about it. *You* on the other hand, can’t seem to shut up about it!_

“Before you lock yourself away again, I just wanted you to know that you can come to me if you need a shoulder to cry on or something.”, Shiro stated awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

Keith had to keep himself from sighing. He’d had this conversation at least two dozen times with Shiro over this last few months. Shiro was doing his best. He knew that and certainly appreciated it. Still, he sometimes didn’t know what to do with his brother. “I know this.”, his voice sounded much calmer than he actually felt. “Can I go upstairs now?”

Shiro sighed, “Yes, you can. Just make sure to come down again at some point so I know you’re still alive and I can equip you with food.”

It wasn’t even two hours later that Shiro knocked on his door again with two full glasses of orange juice and a few sandwiches. Shiro had fallen into the parental habit of knocking on his door and giving him a few seconds before he opened the door to check on him. It was his way of telling him “I respect your private sphere, on the other hand, I’m your big brother and you don’t have to keep anything secret from me.”. In other words: the short pause between him knocking and entering gave Keith enough time to cover himself if he was naked but not enough time to throw the weed he’d been smoking out of the window and wait till his room smelled clean again. Theoretically speaking.

At least, Keith had the possibility to lock his door if he really needed to be alone. The only problem was that Shiro became a panicking mess when he couldn’t enter his room. It usually meant something was very wrong and Shiro’d almost broken his door once cause he hadn’t been quick enough to open up after having a meltdown.

“Hey, buddy.” The older man placed the glass and the plate on his nightstand sitting down onto the edge of the bed. “What are you doing?”

Keith sat up shrugging. He thanked his brother before he grabbed one of the sandwiches and began to eat despite not feeling hungry.

“Maybe we should get you a membership in some sort of sports club or anything. You used to be a decent athlete after all.”, he suggested.

Keith raised his eyebrows at him. He. And a sports club. With people. And noises. And, well, Sports.

“Okay, I know you never liked those but maybe they a have some cool extracurricular activities at your new school you’d like to participate in. You know, anything that makes you come out of your room for more than a few minutes to eat.”

Keith knew his brother worried about him lying on his bed all day, either staring at the ceiling or out of the window. At the same time, Shiro wouldn’t let him out of his sight for anything but school. They both knew Shiro would worry every single second he was away. And if he was being honest, he didn’t have to motivation to go out and do anything. This had been a problem his whole life. He had never been big on social contact or making friends. He liked books and space and going for long walks in the nature. All of this were things one usually did alone and he preferred it that way.

“Or maybe you could find a friend you could hang out with. At home, of course. While I’m downstairs. Or we could go to the cinema all together.”

“And from what imaginary friend are you speaking?”, he asked sighing.

Shiro shrugged, “Come on, there has to be at least one nice guy in your class! By the way, I spoke with Matt today. Do you remember him? His little sister’s going to your school too. We thought about meeting up again and maybe you and Katie want to tag along?”

Keith felt like burying his head into his pillow. He loved his brother dearly. He really did. But sometimes he just wished Shiro would stop all the nagging and pushing and trying and simply be his big brother again. Right now, he simply felt overchallenged by everything he felt and the things his brother wanted or wished for him. “Shiro, _please_!”

„Okay, well we don’t have to go. We could-“

“Oh no! _You_ are going! You keep telling me I have to go out but the only time you leave the house is when you drive me somewhere!”, Keith crossed his arms in front of his chest. It was another thing that bothered him; his formerly so socially active brother refused to go outside and meet friends without him. He hated the thought of his older brother giving up his life for him. Especially seeing that he did it so willingly like his own life barely even mattered to him.

Shiro opened his mouth to protest but Keith was having none of that. “You are a hypocrite, Shiro! I’ll get along for a few hours without you and don’t you dare contradicting me!”

The older man held his hands up in surrender – a gesture he was using far too often these days – and smiled at him. Keith seemed seldomly that passionate about anything recently. Maybe this was a first step into the right direction. Still, he wasn’t too keen on leaving his brother alone in the empty house. “We’ll talk about that when the time is there. Apropos talking, what did you speak about with Dr Alfor this afternoon? Something interesting? You were in there quite some time, buddy.”

Of course. He should’ve seen that coming. “I told him my darkest secrets and later we even braided each other’s hair. Also, we planned on having a sleepover next week where we can watch Sex in the City all night.”, Keith answered drily.

“Keith.”, Shiro sighed his name. “You should take this serious. You don’t have to talk about it with me but-“

“Why are you asking then?” _Patience yields focus_. Keith struggled to keep his cool.

“Because I’m worried about you.”, the older boy sighed anew, “I know I’m getting on your nerves but I don’t know what else to do to help you.”

Keith was well aware of the fact that it was his own fault Shiro didn’t know how to behave around him. His brother was overready to listen to him, only he wasn’t ready to talk. He bit his lip. “Just- just stop asking so much and simply be you again.” 

Shiro smiled. “I will do my best.”, he promised opening his arms invitingly. “Hug?”

The younger boy hesitated but the look in his brother’s eyes told him how much he needed the physical affection. So, he leaned over letting Shiro pull him into a warm embrace. It took a few minutes until the taller man finally let go off him again and Keith could pull away.

Shiro petted his back before he stood up. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then. Don’t stay up too long, it’s already late and you have school tomorrow. And don’t forget to take your meds!”, he warned.

Keith nodded. It was only half past eight and he’d already taken his pills but he didn’t feel up to another discussion. “Are you going to sleep too?”

The older man’s face darkened and Keith could see how his jar tensed. “Don’t think I can.”

He knew exactly what Shiro was talking about. “You want to stay?”, he offered. He knew Shiro slept better with him being present.

Shiro smiled at him affectionately. He knew his little brother well enough to realize that even though his offer might not sound like anything special to the most, it actually really was. And though he truly wanted to stay with him, he was sure it would be better for Keith if he wasn’t awoken in the middle of the night by his older brother tossing and turning. “Thank you, buddy, but I still have a few calls to make and some documents to sign before I can go to sleep and you need your rest.” He kissed his forehead and allowed himself a moment to stroke his brother’s hair before he told him goodnight and left him again.

After Shiro had gone back to his room, Keith quickly went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and comb his hair before he climbed back into bed and beneath the covers. He pulled the blanket up to his chin since he knew from experience Shiro would come to check on him sooner or later and he wasn’t supposed to know Keith was fully dressed.

Once settled he closed his eyes willing sleep to overcome him – without success. When sleep wouldn’t come, he sighed and gave into his mind settling on today’s events. His first day in school had been awful but not worse than just lying in bed all day not feeling like doing anything. The annoying blue -eyed boy appeared in his thoughts every now and then and Keith had honest to god no clue as to where to put him. Anyway, it probably wouldn’t matter. He wasn’t interested in making friends and even if, this Lance guy would probably be his last choice with his unsettling laugh and all the obnoxious flirting Keith didn’t know how to deal with.

Another thing that kept turning up in his mind was the appointment with doctor -seriously, how was his name again?- he’d talked to. He hadn’t asked many questions for what Keith was grateful but he’d told him a few perceptions of his. Mostly stupid phrases that Keith didn’t know what to do with and people only used to sound wise or deep or something like this that Keith didn’t give a damn about. Still, one of these phrases had managed to catch his attention. “ _You have to find a way to feel in control again.”_ Keith wasn’t exactly sure what this meant but it meant _something_. This was more than he could say about most of the things he’d heard or tried and it actually sounded logical so he’d give it a go. If only for his brother’s peace of mind.

Sighing, he turned onto his side. The clock told him that it was already past midnight by now. Time went by quickly these days. Well, or it didn’t go by at all. Mostly the latter. He knew he should really try to get some sleep before dawn. Shiro wouldn’t stop nagging if he discovered bags beneath his eyes again.

Keith had only been asleep for two short hours when he was awoken by a nightmare. He sat up straight in bed only to realize that it wasn’t _his_ nightmare that had awoken him.

Quiet whimpering came from Shiro’s room.

The teenager wasted no time to jump up and hurry to his brother’s room across the floor. He knew Shiro had nightmares, only that they usually wouldn’t wake up Keith, unlike his own. Lately though, he had a very light sleep and even the lightest creak would wake him up. He opened the door to the older man’s room. Shiro looked like he was in distress tossing and turning with his fingers digging into the pillow. On his bare chest sweat was glistening and his hair was sticking to his forehead.

“Shiro?” he asked carefully sitting down on the edge of the bed before he began to shake his brother awake gently. “Shiro!”

The older boy sat up panting. It took a minute before his eyes could focus on him and he realized what was happening around him. Keith had only waited for this moment. He wrapped his arms around Shiro’s neck knowing exactly how to ground the older man. “It’s okay.” He whispered and Shiro relaxed in his arms. “You good?”

The air was squeezed out of his lungs when Shiro hugged him back fiercely. He heard his erratic breathing in his ear while the taller one nodded. “Did I wake you?”

“No.”, Keith lied knowing how guilty it would make him feel. “I was already awake. Couldn’t sleep.”

“When I checked on you before I went to bed you were asleep.”, Shiro stated causing Keith to roll his eyes.

“You really want to talk about this now?”

“Not really.”, the older man sighed burying his face into Keith’s shoulder. ”Still, it should be my job to comfort you!”

“Shut up!”, Keith shushed him pushing him back into a laying position. Before Shiro could say anything he’d climbed on top of his chest and made himself comfortable. They used to lay like this when they were younger and it brought back memories of their early childhood. Keith could feel his brother go slack beneath him and knew it had been the right thing to do. Warm hands came to rest upon his waist and it only made him freeze for a second before he cuddled into the older boy. It was the only kind of comfort he allowed himself to have and he relished it.

Big hands came up to stroke his hair and tangle into his black strands. Shiro’s breath evened out after a few minutes and he could feel the arms resting upon his back getting heavier. He didn’t dare standing up and risk to wake the sleeping man and instead cuddled into his biceps closing his eyes. With the sound of steady breathing in his ear, he finally went to sleep too.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Keith woke up tangled into the sheets with someone carding their fingers through his strands. Shiro loved playing with his hair, Keith remembered, only that lately he wouldn’t let him do that all too often.

“Morning, buddy.”, Shiro smiled at him as soon as he noticed Keith had opened his eyes. The worried frown disappeared from his face and he put on a reassuring grin. The older man was sitting on his huge queen-sized bed looking down at him with a fond expression on his face.

“How late?”, Keith asked and sat up not feeling too comfortable with their current Position.

“I called you in sick. Don’t worry about school.”

“What? Why? I’m not-“

“I just wanted to let you sleep. You looked like you really needed it and since I already kept you awake half of the night-“

Keith wanted to bang his head against the wall. He should’ve seen that coming. _And this is exactly the reason I’m never telling you anything!_ , he thought bitterly. Actually, there were two dozen reasons he didn’t talk to his brother about the things that were bothering him and this wasn’t even under the top ten. Still, it bothered him that Shiro was dismissing him like this not even giving him the opportunity to protest. Not to mention that Shiro’s feeble excuse was… well, a feeble excuse. He knew Shiro felt better when he stayed within sight to say the least but he absolutely _hated_ to feel cornered. He needed to be in charge again for once. Not that he could explain this to his brother.

“Shiro.”, he sighed. _Patience yields focus._ “You do realize that I’m new in school and I already have to catch up on so much because you wouldn’t let me go to school for like three months!”

“If you have trouble in school, you don’t have to go there anymore. We could get you a private teacher. You’re too sma-“

“That’s not even what it is about!”, Keith exclaimed, “You know what” he huffed standing up, “forget it! I go for a run!” He was out of the door before he realized what he was doing and that he hadn’t been going jogging in months. Well, more like sprinting. He hadn’t been outside much since they moved but he knew the environment well enough to find his way around as he began to run.

He was mad, okay? Anger was churning deep in his stomach and it threatened to overwhelm him. So, he did what he always did when he was feeling like that; either lashing out or running. He had settled on the latter.

He could hear Shiro calling from afar and sped up. He was going freak out if he had to hear another word. He just wanted his life back! He wanted his big brother back; the one that teased him, that tried to set him up, the one that wasn’t always tired and concerned and had forgotten how to have fun.  He wanted to go back to his old school where at least the majority of the people knew better than to bother him and he wanted his Mum back that had died when he was six years old! He quickened his pace when he felt hot tears burning in his eyes.

He had no idea how much time had passed when he finally stopped. His lungs burned and he was panting pressing his hands to his chest. When he had calmed down enough, he quickly wiped away the tears from his cheeks even though they had mainly dried already and looked around.

He found himself standing on an elevated deserted path in the middle of nowhere. When he turned around he recognized the city beneath him. Groaning he let himself fall onto the ground of the low hill from where he could see the small houses with corresponding chimneys producing smoke that engulfed the rooftops of the highest buildings. The grass felt cool and moist beneath his dark Jeans and the short-sleeved T-Shirt didn’t do anything to keep him warm either. He shivered slightly when a cold breeze ran over his exposed skin. Nevertheless, he enjoyed the quietness and peacefulness of the Moment.

He hugged his knees letting his mind wander. Maybe the doctor was right. What if everything actually was about control? He had no idea how to get the control back that had been taken from him. Especially seeing that not even now, months later, he still wasn’t in charge of his life but Shiro was. He couldn’t break the hold his brother had onto him and he didn’t want to either. Shiro was just as miserable as him and he didn’t have the heart to make him feel even worse. It would destroy both of them.

Maybe it would be enough to regain control on one part of his life for now. But which? Shiro barely let him out of sight. Which aspect of his life wasn’t under his brother’s control? The older man was in charge of where they lived, what he ate, to which school he went. He couldn’t even sneeze without Shiro fussing over him. The most logical thing in his eyes would be to reclaim control in the aspect of his life the control had been taken away from him.

Actually, this was pretty much the only thing Shiro wasn’t reasonable for; his sex life. He bit his lip. His nonexistent sex life. He knew what this conclusion meant but he wasn’t sure he was ready to face the consequences.

He stood up groaning. He didn’t want to think anymore. The sun stood high already thus he guessed it had to be noon by now. Shiro was probably worried to death. It would be a miracle if he hadn’t called the police yet.

The walk back home took almost an hour. Luckily, Keith hadn’t turned off too often and remembered most of the way otherwise he would’ve taken twice as much. Since he didn’t know when he had awoken respectively when he’d run off, he had no idea how long he’d been away. But it was exactly 11:56am when he opened the front door and entered their house. It was precisely 11:56am and 3 seconds when he was wrapped into a hug by a worried Shiro. His brother was a complete mess and Keith couldn’t help but feel guilty for causing so much trouble. Therefore, he let the older boy manhandle him onto the couch and wrap him up into a thick woolen blanket once he took in his brother’s state and felt his cool skin on his.

“I’m sorry.”, Shiro repeated over and over again.

“S’okay.”, Keith’s voice was muffled by the blanket the older man had wrapped in around his head.

“Please, don’t ever run away like this again!”, he begged sitting down onto the couch next to him. “I promise, I’ll stop making decisions for you and be so protective but please, don’t run away from me again!”

Keith was well aware of the fact his brother wouldn’t be able to keep his promise but it was a start. And maybe if he found another valve, he would be able to stand the fussing and protectiveness better. “I’ll do my best.”, he promised.

Shiro pulled him close and Keith let him. He even went so far as to lean against the older boy.

“Shall I make us some breakfast? You’ve got to be starving!”

Keith shrugged. “If you are hungry.”

Sighing the taller boy stood up. He hated this kind of answers but he was far too relieved Keith was back to get upset about it. He got them some sandwiches and tea since Keith’s skin still felt too cool. To his surprise the younger boy hadn’t moved once he came back into the living room and even cuddled into his side. Maybe his short trip had actually done him good and helped to clear his head. Even though he didn’t like what this would mean for the future, he had to admit it was a nice change.

He knew he shouldn’t push his luck but maybe Keith for once didn’t feel the need to lock himself away again right away. “Do you want to watch a movie with me?”

Either Keith was actually interested in binge watching Brooklyn 99 with him or he sensed that right now, this was exactly what Shiro needed. It was funny that the younger boy who was usually bad with feelings and recognizing emotions was so good in knowing what Shiro needed. He, on the other hand who used to be pretty decentin reading between the lines, had no idea how to behave around his little brother. Maybe he should put more trust into Keith knowing what he was doing and what was good for him. If he’d only be able to let go off him.

Shiro leaned back against the armrest pulling Keith with him. It was nice spending a few lazy hours in front of the TV together with Keith. They hadn’t done that in a long time and for once he didn’t even try to _talk_. Instead he combed through Keith’s longish strands gently with his fingers until the younger boy had completely melted against his chest. “We should do that more often.”, he stated.

Keith agreed.

It didn’t take long until Keith’s mind drifted off though and he began pondering about the doctor’s words. Getting control back. The more he thought about it, the more logical it sounded. And it seemed like there was only one way to do it. He pushed every thought about him probably not being ready aside and ignored the doubts in the back of his head. He had to do _something_ and this seemed the be the best (and only) way to do it. Now there were only two questions open; who and whe

Actually, there was only one person besides his brother he knew in this city. He gave a loud groan before he could keep himself from doing so alarming his brother.

“What’s wrong? You in pain?”

“No.”

“Then, why are you-“

“It’s just a small headache.”, he lied knowing Shiro wouldn’t just let it slip.

“We still have some painkiller from when-“

He interrupted his brother quickly, “I’m good, Shiro. Honestly.” To his surprise the older boy didn’t insist on him taking any medication and instead settled back onto the Couch.

„Tell me if you change your mind.” Maybe the older boy was actually trying to be a little less obtrusive. However, he appreciated it. He let the older boy tuck his head underneath his chin and they went back to watching the TV in silence.

A few hours later Keith found himself lying on his bed once again, this time staring out of the window. It had started to rain and huge droplets of water were drumming against the glass panel. The steady noises had a calming effect on him and would’ve put him to sleep if he hadn’t been so busy thinking 

He’d asked Shiro when he’d meet up with Matt, so now he had a timeframe. And a _victim_. Now, he only had to put his plan into practice and wait if it would work out. He stared into the gray sky slowly turning black. He simply had to get over with it to get his life back. Maybe then, he would be able to help his brother too and they could go back to normal again.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Maybe I should clarify that I'm not going to make Keith rape anyone nor is he going to have sex with Matt. Anyway, have fun and I hope you leave me a comment:)

The next day Keith went back to school again. Shiro looked worried when he took in the dark circles underneath his eyes from the restless night but didn’t dare suggesting him to stay home again.

 

He let Shiro drive him dawdling away as much time as possible thus he wouldn’t have to be afraid of walking into Lance and his friends again. The school day went by in haze. He tried to concentrate on the lesson but to no avail. Lance’s eyes pierced a whole in his back and it made him swallow nervously. As soon as the bell rang to the first break the taller boy approached him. “Hey, man. You good? You weren’t in school yesterday.”

 

Keith nodded keeping his head down and before Lance could say anything else he’d snuck out of class and disappeared into the crowd. _Not yet_.

 

Throughout the day Shiro kept asking him if he was okay with him going out for a few hours tomorrow and Keith repeated that he would be fine. Still, he had to do a lot of persuading until Shiro finally agreed to meet up with Matt the next afternoon.

 

Keith barely slept that night. He was a nervous wreck constantly on the verge of having a panic attack and when the next morning came he considered for a minute to blow the whole deal of, yes, maybe even asking Shiro if he could stay home again. Only for a second though. He mentally slapped himself for even thinking about such a thing. He just had to go over with it.

 

By the time the second recess began, he was sweating up buckets. Before he took his heart in his hands and approached Lance, he ducked into the bathroom and splashed himself cold water in the face. Nobody would agree to have Sex with him if he looked like this.

 

He stared into mirror. A tired guy with dark circles under his eyes and pale skin looked right back at him. Lance would have to be very desperate to agree to this. He ran his hands through his messy strands, repeating what he kept telling himself for reassurance. _Teenage boys are always horny. He flirted with you and called you handsome so he has to be interested. If you’re offering him yourself, he won’t hesitate._

Lance was standing on the floor talking to his friends from the other day. When he saw Keith approach them he interrupted himself turning towards him smiling. “Hey, Keith! My man! My dude! Did you finally cha-“

 

“Can I talk to you in private for a second?”

 

The three friends exchanged confused looks.

 

“Err, sure.”

 

“We see you later then.”, the small guy (Keith still wasn’t sure if they were a boy or a girl) said pulling the one in the obnoxious yellow Shirt away from them.

 

“So…”

 

“Do you want to have Sex with me?”, he blurted.

 

Lance began to cough turning pale, then red. “E-excuse me?”

 

Keith rolled his eyes in annoyance. Why would he pretend he hadn’t thought about this now? After all he’d tried to flirt with him! “Do you want to fuck me?”

 

“Err, Keith, dude, you’re like hella attractive and I’d love to go out with you sometime-“

 

“No dates. Either you take up on that offer or you don’t.”, Keith raised an eyebrow at him expectantly.

 

Lance had begun to sweat by now. Sure, he thought Keith was hot (despite the mullet) and yes, he’d flirted with him but he flirted with lots of cute guys and so far nobody had ever made such an offer. Especially after the way Keith had treated him – hell, this was the first time he was actually talking to him! – this was more that strange. Still, he seemed to be serious and he was waiting for an answer.

 

Lance knew he probably shouldn’t do this. He didn’t know this Keith guy and something wasn’t kosher about this whole deal. Still, he was a flaming bisexual teenage boy with needs and urges and even though he preferred romance and dates, this time his hormones won the upper hand. “Yes? I mean I guess I would like to-“

 

“Good.”, Keith tried his best to sound nonchalant and quickly fumbled out the note he’d prepared during math. “Here’s my address. I expect you at 3pm. Bring condoms and Lube.”, before the confused boy had the chance to say anything he’d turned around and disappeared again.

 

“And? What did he want?” Hunk asked when he ran into Lance in front of the chemistry rooms.

 

Lance stared at the note in his hands. The small black letters were written with so much force behind that even his writings looked angry. “I’m not sure.”

 

Keith had hidden himself in the small toilet stall once again like the little coward he was waiting for the bell to ring in the end of the break. The last two hours his class had PE. He didn’t even enter the locker room and simply went straight to his teacher showing him the excuse note and sat down on an empty bank.

 

Lance glanced at him every so often but didn’t try to start a conversation. The teacher kept him way too occupied.

 

Again, Keith had vanished as soon as the lesson was over thus Lance didn’t have the chance to ask questions. Which was a pity because Lance really had some questions. He hadn’t told Hunk and Pidge about the incident and instead told them Keith had asked about the homework of the day he’d missed. They would only tell him that he was crazy going to the house of some guy he didn’t even know to have Sex with him. They’d tell him to be responsible. And he knew they were right, still, he didn’t want to miss out this chance.

 

That didn’t mean he wasn‘t curious though. He wanted to know why Keith had ignored him right from the very start and now seemed to have changed his mind about him.

 

He quickly wrote Hunk a short text to tell him he wouldn’t go home with him. After all, he still had to go to the drugstore and get the condoms and the Lube. He blushed madly when the cashier looked at him while paying. Never before he’d been in the situation where he had to buy these things and he hadn’t expected to be that embarrassed by it.

 

Keith, in the meantime had finally managed to shoo Shiro out of the door and now prepared his room. Not that there was actually much to prepare in the baldness of his room. He didn’t really care what Lance thought about him but he didn’t want to reveal too much of himself either. Keith grimaced. Well, despite the part where he had to get naked and on all fours or something. He thought about showering but decided against it ultimately. He would have to do enough of that later.

 

The last two hours until Lance arrived, Keith spend nervously pacing up and down his room and taking a huge gulp from the whiskey bottle he had found shortly before moving and since then kept secret from Shiro. God, his brother would kill him if he knew. Or send him to the Alcoholics Anonymous. Not that he was, of course.

 

Despite the calming effect the alcohol had on him, he flinched when the doorbell rang. He took one last sip before he hurried towards the door.

 

Lance was freshly showered and combed and had put on clean clothes. A baby blue Shirt to bring out his eyes and a tight Jeans that hugged his ass nicely. Despite the grumpy nod Keith gave him he put on his brightest smile. “Hi, Keith-“

 

“Do you have the condoms?”

 

“Err, yes. Sure.” Lance took out the packet, “And I got the Lube too. Extra slippery.”, he winked.

 

Keith rolled his eyes, “Then come in.”

 

“Okay, so do you want to watch a movie or shall we-?”, he was interrupted by Keith pressing his lips against his in a fierce kiss. Their teeth collided but it wasn’t unpleasant. But before he could close his eyes, Keith had pulled away again and dragged him upstairs. “You’re a man of few words, mullet man!”, he grinned.

 

Soon enough he was pushed onto the bed and Keith was all over him again. Lance barely managed to get a look at the other teen’s room, the only thing he could see were books and papers. No photos or posters, nothing personal. Everything was neat and- Keith’s lips pressed against his again and he moaned.

 

He couldn’t say if this was turning Keith on or not but since he didn’t stop, he guessed it did. This was a little quick for his taste but well, who was he to forbid a hot sex crazed guy from his pleasure? Since he had the opportunity, he at least could enjoy himself.

 

After a few minutes of kissing and making out, Keith stopped looking at him expectantly. It took a moment until he realized the younger boy wanted him to take over. He grinned seductively, his Shirt was already gone. “Lie down!”

 

Keith did as he was told inhaling deeply and telling himself to relax. It would be over soon. According to Google Sex took 5,4minutes on average. Five minutes. This was something he could do; something he could work with.

 

“Hey, are you even hard?”, Lance asked when he brushed his crotch and didn’t find a bulge like one would expect.

 

To his satisfaction, Keith could negate this. At least he would have _some_ dignity left by the end of the day. “Does it matter?”

 

Okay, this was weird. “Keith”, he started but interrupted himself. So far nothing he’d said had triggered any kind of reaction. Maybe he had to do it like Keith and let his deeds speak for themselves. He kissed the boy beneath him passionately and pressed him against the bed. Teasingly he let his fingers run southwards to the hem of Keith’s black Jeans.

 

But as soon as he tried to open his fly, he could sense a change in the younger teen’s behavior. He looked up just in time to see Keith starting to scream. Lance froze. What the hell?!

 

Something inside Keith had just clicked. Before he knew what he was doing, he’d started screaming and kicking. Suddenly, there were pictures in front of his eyes hammering down onto him. He vaguely registered someone holding him down which made him fight back even more.

 

Lance was silently freaking out above him. What had he done wrong? Keith seemed content with everything until this very moment. “Keith? Keith, what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” What should he do? He couldn’t simply leave. Maybe he should call an ambulance? Or someone else? “Are you in pain? Shall I get someone?”

 

“Stop it! Leave me alone!”, Keith cried in a haze pushing him aside and scrambling off the bed.

 

“Okay, okay!”, Lance held his arms up in surrender, “It’s okay. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

 

Keith was panting heavily. He had no idea what was going on but he wanted Lance to go and be left alone. Forgotten was every thought about Sex, he only wanted to be alone right now.

 

“Are you feeling better? Is there anything I can do for you? Anyone I shall call?”, Lance asked.

 

“Just go.”

 

“I’m not sure I should leave you on your own like this-“, the taller boy began.

 

“Go!”, Keith screamed suddenly angry.

 

Slowly, Lance began to get mad himself. He didn’t understand what was going on. First, Keith ignored him, then out of the blue he invited him over to have Sex with him and then this. Still, he forced himself to keep his cool. Something obviously wasn’t all right here and he wanted to know what it was. For now, it was probably really better to leave Keith alone since he obviously wasn’t ready to talk. “Okay. I see you tomorrow at school. Call me if you need anything.”

 

Angry tears welled up in Keith’s eyes when he heard the front door fall shut behind Lance. How could he have been so stupid as to think random sex with a stranger would cure him?! And why hadn’t he been able to simply do it and get over with it? He had made everything worse. Now, Lance would tell his friends about the crazy guy who randomly invited over strangers to have sex only to completely freak out on them. He hugged his pillow tight letting the tears flow. He had given Lance his address. What if Shiro found out?

 

He would be so disappointed and even worse, worried. Keith should’ve gotten his shit together and simply done it. If Shiro knew about it, he would completely freak out and take even more of Keith’s private sphere and, by implication more of his control too. Keith angrily hit the wall with his fist. He couldn’t go on like this. He just couldn’t. Fresh tears ran hotly over his cheeks finding their way into the sheets.

 

Lance had been his last hope. Nobody had been able to help him so far. Neither Shiro with his endlessly fussing, the therapists and psychiatrists he’d been forced to see or the support group Shiro had wanted him to participate in. Maybe he simply couldn’t be helped, easy as that.

 

He sobbed into the pillow pathetically. What should he do? He’d run out of answers and felt almost lightheaded by the emptiness of his brain. In the back of his mind he registered he should probably lock the door since he had no idea how much time had passed and when his brother would be back but he felt too dizzy from all the crying and the dehydration to get up.

 

Instead he buried his head underneath the pillow thus he was alone with the pictures of his flashback in the dark.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, it took me so long to post this. My little sister tried to kill herself and I'm still pretty much in shock so if my next update takes a little longer too you know why. Nevertheless, thank you for the nice feedback!

Keith woke up a few hours later with a pounding headache and a warm blanket tightly slung around his form. A hand applied steady pressure on his. _Shiro_ , he realized.

 

“Keith? You awake, buddy?”

 

He couldn’t help the small groan that escaped his lips when he opened his eyes. “Are you back already?”

 

“Your hand is bleeding.”, the older man ignored his question sounding panicked, “Why is your hand bleeding?”

 

 _Fuck_! He should’ve put on his fingerless gloves after he hit the wall. “Had a nightmare.”, Keith lied. He hated doing this but it was a better option than telling the truth. “I guess I trashed around and hit the wall.” Actually, this sounded almost convincing to his ears. After all he’d almost broken Shiro’s nose once by fighting him after a nightmare.

 

Shiro’s gaze softened at that. He carefully let go of his hand and Keith sat up while he got disinfection spray and a bandage. The younger boy winced slightly when Shiro tended to his bloody knuckles. When he had gone to sleep he hadn’t realized how bad his injury was. Well, this was going to be a steady reminder of his shame for the next few days.

 

“Are you having a headache? Cause by the way you’re squinting it looks like the light is hurting your eyes.” Shiro inquired as gentle as possible in his frantic worried state.

 

Keith nodded seeing no point in denying it.

 

“How bad?”, Concern rose in Shiro’s voice again. Usually Keith would only admit to being in pain if it got unbearable (and even then you couldn’t count on it). Or there was something going on he didn’t know about.

 

“Not that bad. Maybe a six or a seven on a scale from one to ten.”

 

Shiro nodded. He didn’t know what was going on in his little brother’s mind but he had to keep his cool and until now, he had no indication that there was actually something off. “Is that why you decided to take a nap?”, he asked.

 

“Yeah, I took a painkiller.” Another lie. But a believable at least. Shiro knew how drowsy that stuff made him.

 

“Did you already have a headache when I went off to Matt?” The older one asked, ready to beat himself up about the answer.

 

Keith shook his head. “How was it by the way? Is he still such a Nerd?”, he tried to change the topic.

 

The smallest smile played on his lips. “Yeah, he’s still the same. He asked about you.”

 

Keith’s face darkened. “How much does he know?”

 

“Not much.”, he reassured him, “His little sister is going to the same school. Her name’s Katie. Do you know her?”

 

Keith paled. So, the boy- girl- however! he’d seen with Lance was actually Matt’s sister. Great. Just great. Lance was definitely going to tell his friends and if Matt found out from Pidge he’d tell Shiro. “I don’t think so.”, he offered.

 

“Well, I’m going to save my Maybe You Two Should Meet Up With Me And Matt Some Time And Become Friends Talk for tomorrow.”, Shiro sighed, “You look terrible.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

The older boy smiled. “Can I get you something?”

 

Like expected, Keith shook his head wincing at the sudden movement.

 

“I shouldn’t have left you alone.”, he sighed anew making Keith groan. “Well, are you feeling up to watch some Game of Thrones or something? I could put out all the lights in the living room and arrange some pillows and covers.”

 

Keith almost had to smile at the hopeful sound in his older brother’s voice. On the one hand, he just wanted to pull the blanket over his head and go back to sleep for the next few months, on the other hand he didn’t want to disappoint Shiro and a little comfort actually didn’t sound too bad right now. He nodded.

 

“Good. Wait here. I’ll get you once I’ve arranged everything.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I’m not fragile, Shiro!”

 

Shiro brought all their blankets and pillows into the living room and prepared some snacks while Keith changed into some jogging trousers at the older boy’s behest. As soon as Keith entered the room he was pushed onto the couch and Shiro pulled him into his chest. The younger boy let it happen and closed his eyes listening to his brother’s steady heartbeat.

 

“I got you your pills.”, he handed Keith the medication and a glass of water.

 

Keith swallowed them wordlessly together with a pain killer before he leaned back into the older man. He knew he was going to fall asleep before the first episode ended because of the pill but for once he didn’t mind. If it wasn’t for the painkiller he probably wouldn’t get any sleep at all tonight.

 

Shiro held his younger brother close. He knew Keith was going to fall asleep soon and he wouldn’t want it any other way. It was obvious Keith had been crying and the fact he was so pliant worried Shiro and he didn’t want to leave him alone again.

 

The smaller teen was already fighting against heavy eyelids and had to stifle a yawn into the older boy’s chest. Shiro pressed a small kiss on top of his hairline. “Get some sleep.”, he whispered.

 

Usually Keith wasn’t too comfortable with physical contact but Shiro was an exception somehow. The older man made him feel safe like nothing else could – even if he would deny it until his last day! Plus, he had no idea what would happen once Shiro found out what he had done today. Better enjoy it while he still could. He wrapped his arms around his older brother’s waist burying his head into his lap.

 

“You’re gonna be okay.”, Shiro’s promise was the last thing he heard before consciousness slipped away from him.

* * *

 

Keith’s inner clock woke him the next morning. He was buried underneath a pile of blankets cuddled into Shiro’s side. His brother was basically a human heater and especially in the morning he was amazingly warm and soft. Yawning he wondered if he simply should go back to sleep. Here, everything was safe and warm and comfortable. School on the other hand was loud and crowded and full of blue-eyed boys named Lance.

 

Keith knew he wouldn’t get away from the mocking and teasing like this. Eventually he had to go there again. Well, or tell Shiro why he didn’t want to go there again. He grimaced. None of the options sounded too great. Still, he wasn’t a coward. If anybody dared to make fun of him, he’d break their fucking nose.

 

According to the clock at the other end of the room, they still had at least an hour left. Keith cuddled back into his older brother closing his eyes again. Shiro’s arms tightened around him and he couldn’t help but sigh in content. Despite what everyone thought, he actually liked physical affection. Only that with most people it felt uncomfortable, almost _unnatural_. So far there had been only one exception beside Shiro; his Mum. Keith bit his lip. He missed her in moments like this. She would certainly know what to do right now.

 

He must’ve dozed off at one point again because he woke up by Shiro squeezing him tightly and gentle fingers carding through his hair. “How late?”, he muttered opening his eyes to look at the older boy.

 

“Don’t worry, if you want to go to school you’ll still be on time.”, Shiro reassured him.

 

Still, Keith could hear the question within his statement. Did he really want to go to school? Sighing, he stood up untangling himself from Shiro and the mass of blankets and went upstairs to get dressed. He put on dark Jeans and an oversized black sweater that almost swallowed him. It was one of Shiro’s old ones, he realized. At least it was going to keep him warm.

 

“Keith? You ready, buddy?”, Shiro asked carefully sticking his head into his room. “I made breakfast.”

 

Keith nodded shouldering his schoolbag and following his brother downstairs. They ate in silence mostly.

 

When they left the house, the sky was gray and cold and Keith pulled the sweater tightly around himself. He really regretted his decision to go to school. What would he give for being back in bed right now? Shiro pressed a kiss onto his forehead before he left the car and hurried into the building.

 

As soon as he was out of his older brother’s sight he pulled the hood of his sweater deep into his face and pushed his hands into his pockets. He knew he would have to face Lance eventually but he couldn’t deny that he’d like to put off the devil hour for as long as possible.

 

Without success, it appeared. When he entered school, Lance was already standing in a corner by the door waiting for him. Keith groaned internally as Lance approached him. He thought about turning around again instantly only to remember that there was still the chance of Shiro being outside. He didn’t need his overprotective brother and the guy he almost had Sex with to encounter each other.

 

“Hey, Keith.”, Lance greeted him awkwardly.

 

The older boy rolled his eyes. If Lance would only stop pretending to care. He tried to push past him but the older boy caught him by the wrist. Keith recoiled, eyes widening at the sudden touch.

 

„Sorry.“, Lance pulled back scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “I just thought maybe we could err- talk?”

 

Keith raised an eyebrow at him. What did Lance want from him? He didn’t look mad like he’d expected. Did he want to try it again? He doubted it would work out this time and he wasn’t planning on humiliating himself like this again. Or was Lance making fun of him? If so, it was a joke he didn’t get. “What about?”, he asked crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

Lance sighed running his fingers through his hair nervously. He had thought about this all night. At first he had been mad at Keith. After all Keith had sexed him up at first and then simply kicked him out without reason or explanation. He had wondered if maybe this was some kind of weird test or a twisted joke but then again, Keith didn’t seem like that kind of guy and nor did he act like it right now. His defensive posture gave his nonchalant façade away and not for the first time the Cuban boy wondered what was actually hidden behind the teen’s I don’t give a fuck attitude.

 

After Keith had kicked him out he had called Hunk and told him everything. He would’ve liked to save himself the memory of his best friend’s shock and indignation but in short, he hadn’t been happy with his behavior. Still, he hadn’t wasted much time scolding knowing Lance was incorrigible anyway. In the end he had calmed his friend and they had talked about what had happened. Hunk and Lance had agreed that there probably was something wrong and both of them being decent human beings actually cared about it.

 

“I know this is a weird situation we don’t know each other that well yet but you seem like a nice guy even though we’re not exactly friends. I just thought you’re new and always hanging around on your own and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with friends so…”

 

“So?”, he glared.

 

“So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I thought you might need some friends or well, at least someone to talk and we would like to be there for you.”

 

 _We_. Keith felt queasy. So, it was only a question of time until Shiro knew. He might as well just call him and tell him right now. At least this way, he would have _some_ control over it. Without another word he pushed pass the taller boy and headed towards the classroom leaving behind a confused Cuban boy.


	6. Chapter 6

Lesson was hell. Keith could feel Lance’s and now Hunk’s eyes on him too. He felt hot all over and nervousness was growing in the pitch of his stomach. It was almost like he was back in the hospital with Shiro’s watchful eyes on him while he simply wanted to curl up and die. Every now and then, he glanced at his phone wondering if Shiro already knew. He swallowed convulsively.

“Mr Kogane, are you alright?”, the teacher asked.

Keith didn’t answer.

“Mr Kogane?”

“I-“, everything around him began to turn and became a blur. “I have to get some fresh air.”

The teacher – Keith had forgotten his name again- nodded looking worriedly after him as he staggered outside closing the door behind him. Leastways, he was away from the curious looks and glances. It was, however, too late for his stomach. He barely managed to get into the next restroom before his stomach rebelled and he let himself fall onto his knees in front of the toilet bowl and began to heave.

“Keith!”

He wanted to cry when he heard Lance calling his name. He should’ve asked someone else for sex. Well, or nobody at all. Maybe Lance would leave him alone now then. He flinched when a hand was placed on his back squeezing him reassuringly. “Stop touching me!”, he croaked and Lance took his hand away. Almost he missed the warmth of the taller boy’s skin. Almost.

“Heaven, Keith! Are you sick? If so you should’ve stayed at home!”

“’M not sick.”, Keith mumbled wiping his mouth. God, he hated this! Why couldn’t Lance just go away and leave him on his own? His stomach churned but he didn’t heave again. He knew this would change if he got more upset right now. He always had a weak stomach, especially lately.

“Says the guy who is as pale as a sheet and just threw up his guts.”

“I always look like this.”, Keith tried weakly taking a deep breath in the attempt to settle down his upset tummy. If he vomited again, it would do nothing to prove his point.

Lance only shook his head. “If you don’t want to talk to me, fine! But I’m not letting you go back into class like this!”

Keith decided to settle for a half truth. “I’m lactose intolerant. Must’ve accidently ate something with milk in it.”, he flushed the toilet before he stood up crossing his arms in front of his chest defensively. “Not that it’s any of your business!”, like before he tried to pass by Lance only that he wouldn’t let him.

“You shouldn’t be in school anyway even if you’re speaking the truth! Come on, we call your parents and-“

“Fuck you, Lance!”, Keith spat suddenly angry. “This is my problem not yours! Why can’t you simply leave me alone?!”

Okay, Lance could get loud too. “You’re a stubborn asshole! All I’m trying is to help and be nice to you! It’s not my fault you’re that fucking reserved, Mr I’m a hot emo guy and my secretiveness makes me more interesting!”

_Patience yields focus_. Keith told himself when he began to gag again. Immediately, Lance was standing behind him ready to hold his hair out of his face while he heaved but nothing came up. Keith wanted to do nothing but to let himself fall onto the cool ground groaning but in the last second he was reminded of Lance’s presence.

“Okay, okay. You wait here and I get your things and tell the secretary to call your parents. Is your Mum or your Dad home?”

Keith wanted to huff. His parents were long gone. Shiro worried  more than enough for them though. “My brother’s home.”, he offered involu ntarily somehow sensing Lance wouldn’t leave before he had his information. 

“Good. I’ll be right back! Don’t move!”

The younger boy considered seizing the moment and getting away as long as he still could. But Lance had his schoolbag and he was pretty sure that if he wasn’t there when he came back, the older teen wouldn’t hesitate to come home to him and bring it over personally. Groaning he slid down on the wall burying his head into his knees. Why had he ever been so stupid as to give him his address?!

He didn’t want to think about the fuss his brother was going to make! Alone at this thought he almost felt like throwing up again.

“Hey, you okay?”, he looked up surprised not to see Lance but Hunk with his bag and a worried smile upon his face. “Lance had the impression you would prefer someone else than him bringing you your stuff.”

He nodded slowly not being able to deny he was relieved he didn’t have to deal with the Cuban boy again.

“Your brother is on his way. You able to stand up?”

Keith nodded not looking up when he stood up on wobbly legs slowly following the other boy outside. The fresh air made him feel much better and he exhaled deeply. “You can go back to class again.”, he told Hunk who in contrast to Lance was wonderfully quiet and calm.

“You sure? I don’t want you to pass out while I’m away.”

“I won’t.”, he promised. “Just didn’t take my meds today.”

“Okay, feel better, Keith!” With that Hunk squeezed his shoulder and went back into the building.

Sighing, Keith closed his eyes leaning against the wall. His stomach was slowly beginning to settle down and he wanted it to stay like that. If Shiro stressed him again and he threw up because of it, it would only make things worse. He just had to stay with his lie about his lactose intolerance.

Still, he felt like crying. Instead of getting the control over his live back, he had made everything worse. Now he had to deal with the memory of sheer humiliation when he’d freaked out in front of Lance, the fear of Shiro finding out what he had done, the awful stomach cramps and a curious Lance. And over none of these things he had any control. Everything seemed so out of reach and control was slipping further away from him every day. He had no idea how to get in charge of it again, everything he’d tried hadn’t worked out so far.

A warm hand on his upper arm made him gasp in surprise and he jerked away. Shiro looked down at him worriedly and Keith opened his mouth instantly to assure his brother he was alright. Before he could do so though, the older boy had pulled him into his arms and instead of a “I’m fine.”, a sob came out of his mouth.

A jacket was pulled around his shoulders and only now, Keith noticed he’d started shivering. He tried to stop the tears from falling but it wouldn’t work. Shiro kept silent only holding him tight and stroking his hair while he let him wet his shoulder with his tears. Did he know? Usually Shiro would ask him why he was crying and if somebody hurt him. The only reason he could imagine his brother kept silent was he already knew what was going on. Well, maybe he was only acting upon his intuition sensing Keith wouldn’t be able to stand the fussing and prodding right now. He certainly hoped for the latter.

The older man stayed perfectly still until Keith calmed down and he was ready to pull away again. “Let’s get you into the car.”, he said gently grabbing Keith’s bag and handing the younger boy a tissue. “We can talk about the rest later. How’s your stomach?”

The nausea was back but for now he didn’t feel like he was just about to throw up. Grimacing, he managed a “fine”. He decided not to add the lie about the pills. As long as Shiro didn’t ask, at least.

Shiro knew about Keith’s weak stomach and if he was honest he was surprised this hadn’t happened before. The new school and city were much to take in already but in addition to his brother’s other _problems_ … No, it was certainly no surprise Keith felt sick even though he wondered why it was now of all times. Maybe it had something to do with the nightmare the younger boy did have yesterday. Nightmares weren’t a rare occurrence either but this one seemed to have affected him more than the ones he had before.

He led Keith to the car opening the door for him. “Do you want to lay down on the backseat?”, he asked. Unsurprisingly, the younger one shook his head sitting down on the passenger seat. Shiro threw a woolen blanket upon his shivering frame and started the car driving carefully towards the street. He knew he shouldn’t upset Keith’s stomach any further. “Did you take your lactase pills?”

Keith shrugged.

As soon as they’d arrived, Shiro bullied Keith onto the couch with a blanket, a waste bin, his medication and a glass of water. He knew the pills weren’t the problem but it wouldn’t hurt Keith to take them anyway. Sighing, he sat down on the edge of the sofa stroking his younger brother’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Great.”, Keith huffed.

He scraped his scalp with his fingernails remembering how it used to relax Keith when he was younger. “Are you going to tell me what upset you this much?”, he asked carefully.

“Nothing. Just ate something with milk in it.”, even to his own ears, this didn’t sound convincing at all.

“Okay.”, Shiro sighed letting it slip for now. “You tell me when you’re ready. Just try not to get too upset for the time being.”, he offered, “Do you want to watch some TV?”

Keith looked at him in guarded suspicion and Shiro had to laugh. “I’m not going to turn into a seven headed monster!”

“You’re not freaking out.”

“No. Now scoot over.”, he ordered climbing in behind Keith on the huge couch thus Keith’s back was pressed against his chest. He laid one of his warm hands over the younger boy’s cramping stomach. “Do you want me to give you a tummy rub? You know, like in the old days.”, Shiro offered remembering how often 15 year old him had to do this for his crying baby brother.

“I’m not eight years old anymore.”

“True. But you haven’t grown much since then either.”, Shiro grinned grabbing Keith’s arm when he tried to ram his elbow into the older man’s ribs. “What? You’ll always gonna be my baby brother!”

When Keith was completely honest, this was exactly what he needed to hear right now. Shiro was back to be his older supportive brother teasing him at every given opportunity. They were lying on the couch like they had done every so often when he was still a child. For a moment he felt relegated into his past. He closed his eyes pretending he was eight years old again lying on his bed with a painfully cramping stomach because he had eaten too much ice cream and his big brother Takashi pulling him close massaging his upset tummy and whispering reassuringly into his ear whenever the pain was especially bad. “Tashi.”, he murmured.

Shiro’s heart melted. Carefully he laid his hands onto his brother’s stomach gently beginning to massage it.

“You’re gonna be okay, Keith!”, he promised, “I’ll make sure of that!”

Keith sighed not wanting to deal with this right now too. He had enough on his mind already.

The older boy sensed his reluctance to talk and instead pulled him closer. On TV was a Star Trek episode running and he considered asking Keith which series it was. His brother knew pretty much every episode of every ever published series.

“Star Trek Voyager.”, Keith stated and not for the first time the older man wondered if his brother could read his mind.

„Is it any good?“

The younger boy shrugged. „It’s not the best but certainly not the worst either.”

Shiro tucked his brother’s head beneath his chin staring at the screen. He had never truly shared Keith’s love for Star Trek always having been more of a Star Wars fan. Still, this was nice. He let out a yawn pulling Keith closer.

“Why can’t it always be like that?”, Keith spoke so quietly, Shiro barely heard him.

“I don’t know, buddy.”, he sighed, “But we’ll figure something out. Just like we always do, okay?”

Keith turned around not directly looking at his brother’s face but nodded. He buried his face into Shiro’s chest letting the older boy stroke his back gently. He wanted to believe.

 

„You’re gonna be alright.“, Shiro said more to himself than to the boy in his arms, “I’ll make sure of that.”


	7. Chapter 7

By the early evening, Keith had retreated to his room. With a hot water bag and a book, he had cuddled into bed. Shiro was checking on him every now and then bringing him soup and tea and making sure he was comfortable. Keith was going to give him another hour and then send him off to bed. Even though it was still early he could already see dark bags starting to form beneath the older man’s eyes and in the afternoon he had nodded off on him twice. Shiro’s nightmares were nothing new after all.

Just when Keith was considering going downstairs, grabbing Shiro by his collar and dragging him upstairs and into his room only to sit down on his chest until he fell asleep (he’d give him five minutes at the very most), the doorbell rang. Keith sat up straight frowning. They didn’t get visitors. The only time someone had used the doorbell, it had been the mailman with a packet for the neighbor next door.

He stood up walking down the stairs. Standing halfway up, he came just in time to see Shiro opening the door and Lance standing in front of him. He paled.

Lance had thought this through. There certainly was something wrong with Keith and even if he wasn’t ready yet, in the long run he would need someone. Lance wanted to be this someone. It was just part of his nature. When he saw someone who needed help, he’d do everything in his power even if he didn’t know that person. And Keith, well, Keith was something else. He had never met someone like him. He was brooding and mysterious and even if he wouldn’t be interested in him as a human being, the puzzle that was Keith would’ve been enough to catch his interest.

He was determined to get to know Keith and even prepared a speech beforehand. He hoped to get it out before the smaller teen slammed the door into his face. He was ready to start talking the moment the door was opened but he choked on his words when instead of Keith a young man opened the door. He was in his early twenties and at least 6.3 feet tall. And hot. If this was the brother Keith had mentioned, the good looks had to run in the family. He realized he’d started to stare when the man in front of him cleared his throat.

“Uh, hi.”, he said intelligently.

“Hello? How can I help you?”, Despite his stunning looks, the man looked exhausted and Lance wondered if the dark circles beneath his eyes were a family thing too.

“Right, sorry, I’m Lance. Am I at the right address? I was searching for Keith. I have his homework.”, he held up a folder grateful he had an excuse.

The older man lit up like a pine tree on Christmas. He shook Lance’s hand with so much enthusiasm he almost ripped off his arm. “I’m Shiro, Keith’s brother. Nice to meet you! Come in! Can I offer you something?” Wow. This guy seemed like the exact opposite of Keith.

“Err, no thanks. I hope Keith is feeling better? I was pretty worried about him this morning when he got sick so suddenly.”

This was a nightmare. Keith still stood completely frozen halfway down helplessly listening to his brother and the guy he almost had Sex with talking. Well, at least Lance was keeping quiet about that last part.

“Yes, he is! Thank you for your concern.”

“No problem. I thought I had to drag him out of school when he refused to go.”

_Oh no._

“So, you are the guy that informed the secretary?” Lance nodded. “In this case I have to thank you twice! Keith doesn’t know how to take care of himself and he’s-“

Okay, that was enough. Keith sprinted down the last stair steps. “Hey, Lance. Shiro, we’re upstairs!”, he grabbed the Cuban boy by the wrist and dragged him upstairs before anyone could argue.

“Your brother’s nice.”, Lance stated grinning once they were alone.

 

“Shut up!”, he crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively. This was going out of hand. Lance and Shiro meeting was the worst-case scenario. Well, actually Lance telling Shiro what they’d almost done, his brother killing Lance and going to jail and Keith staying behind completely on his own was the worst-case scenario but this was near enough.

“You okay? You look pale? Are you going to throw up again?”

Keith inhaled deeply shaking his head. “What are you doing here?”

“Checking on you, obviously.”

“Why? We’re not friends and certainly not boyfriends or whatever.” Was this why Lance was there? Did he still hope Keith would sleep with him eventually if he only pretended enough to care about him? So far he hadn’t thought of the Cuban boy as manipulative. Maybe it was time to change his mind about it then. Coming over while Shiro was there came near a threat. “If you think you can make me have Sex with you by threatening to tell anybody about _that_ , then you’re-“

This time it was Lance who paled. “Gosh, Keith! Of course not! I won’t tell anybody about what happened! I mean, I kinda told Hunk but only because he’s my best friend and I had no idea how to take your _behavior_. Also, he’d never ever tell anybody! And why would you think I’d try to force you into having Sex with me? You were the one who offered and I immediately stopped when you told me to.”

That was true. Maybe Keith had been more in control of the situation than he’d realized. He relaxed his shoulders letting himself fall onto the bed. “Then why do you care?”

“Because I’m a decent human being?”, Lance offered obviously confused about the turn their conversation had taken. “I don’t know why you think I have any other intentions than your well-being, mullet man, but I can assure you I don’t have second thoughts.”

Keith still looked at him suspiciously but Lance had the impression his words had done _something_ cause he didn’t look like he was going to strangle him during the next five seconds. The time Keith apparently thought about what he’d said, he used to look around.

The first time he’d been here, he didn’t have the time to examine his room thoroughly. A bed was standing across the window half covered by thick black curtains. Next to the bed was a shed. One of the doors was opened and Lance could make out almost only black and some red clothes. Mostly sweaters and T-Shirts and dark Jeans as far as he could determine. On the opposite of the shed, in front of the window stood a small desk with a lamp and some white sheets on it. Two bookshelves were standing on the other side of the room. Actually, they were the only thing in the whole room that didn’t look sad, empty or edgy. Lance squinted in the attempt to make out some titles. _War and Peace_ by _Tolstoy_ , he recognized. The next title surprised him even more. _No Exit_ was a philosophical book written by _Jean Paul Sartre._ He would’ve never taken Keith for someone to be interested in philosophy.

“What?”, the smaller teen had noticed Lance staring into the direction of his book shelve. Back was the defensive expression upon his face.

“Nothing. You just have some great books there. I probably wouldn’t understand half of them. Have you read them all?”, he asked curiously.

Keith shrugged but couldn’t hide the small smile that played on his lips. “Most of them.”

“That’s so cool!”, the Cuban boy took in the change in Keith’s behavior. So, this was apparently the only possibility to bond with the mysterious stranger? Through books? “What’s your favorite book then?”

“I don’t know. I was quite fond of _Lord of the Rings_ and _The Catcher in the Rye_.”, Keith answered the smallest hint of a smile playing upon his lips. “Recently I finished _The Marsian_. Also pretty good.”

Lance was about to answer when there was a knock outside and Shiro put his head through the door. “Dinner’s ready. Lance, you’re more than welcome to stay to eat with us! Right, Keith?”

The younger male shrugged but made it obvious he didn’t actually mind. As annoying as Lance might be, this had been the first conversation in months that hadn’t somehow been about the _incident_.

“Err, sure. Thanks for the invitation.”

Shiro smiled. “I hope you like Pizza?”

“Of course! Who doesn’t like Pizza?!”, Lance exclaimed grinning following Shiro downstairs. “You have a very nice house by the way.”

Keith listened to Lance and his brother making Small Talk but didn’t participate in it. He had never liked this kind of conversations, plus it was nice to hear Shiro talk about something different than being worried about him. He hoped Lance would stay true to his word and not tell Shiro what had almost happened between them.

“Are you sure your stomach can handle this?”, Shiro asked worriedly when they sat down and Keith made no move to grab the soup he had reheated for him.

Keith only nodded taking a slice of Pizza without cheese.

“Shouldn’t we wait for your parents to come home?”, This was apparently the wrong thing to ask. Shiro looked at Keith who froze for a moment before he shook his head

“They won’t be home for dinner.”, he said and if Lance didn’t know any better he could’ve sworn there was a certain bitterness in Keith’s voice. When he thought about it, Keith had never mentioned his parents before and the one time he’d asked about them when Keith had gotten sick the younger boy had snapped at him. This probably didn’t mean anything. But maybe it did.

It was hard to restrain from asking Shiro all the things he wanted to know like why they’d moved hither or why Keith had transferred to their school in the middle of the school year. He felt like even though Shiro would more or less willingly offer this information it would be some kind of _cheating_. Keith obviously had trust problems and he didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable by knowing things he wasn’t to know about. That didn’t mean he wasn’t ready to listen to every little piece of information the siblings had to offer.

When Keith’s brother found out he was friends with Pidge and Matt he won him over for good. Shiro was a cool guy. He seemed nice and friendly despite the exhaustion that was written all over his face. He listened to Lance rambling about his friends and the school and laughed about the lame jokes he made. He really seemed to be the opposite of Keith who kept silent most of the time. Shiro was a very good listener and actually appeared to be interested about the information he had to offer. Especially about Garrison Highschool. Keith probably didn’t speak about school much.

All in all, the older boy seemed pretty protective of his younger brother. Lance could understand this. He was too, after all. Especially of his youngest sister. Still, Shiro behaved in a way that was actually more parentlike. Probably they were actually seldomly at home.

After they finished dinner and it was time to go, he turned to Keith. “You should hang out with us sometime. You’d love Hunk and Pidge!”

Keith could basically feel Shiro beaming and the expectant look the older boy aimed at him. He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t trying to make friends but he also wanted to make Shiro happy and it wasn’t like Lance was actually the fuckboy he’d taken him for. He owned him something. In the end, he settled for a shrug needing time to consider the offer.

“Well, think about it.”, Lance smiled, “Do I see you tomorrow in school?”

Involuntarily, Keith looked at his older brother.

“We see how you feel in the morning.”, Shiro stated, “It was really nice to have you here, Lance. You’re welcome to visit us any time!”

“Thanks for dinner.”, Lance smiled politely shaking the offered hand.

Keith involuntarily rolled his eyes at the meaningless small talk. He preferred some straight talking.

 

Lance said goodbye grinning at him. “See you around, mullet man!”

When he had left Shiro immediately began to talk about how nice Lance was and that he absolutely wouldn’t mind if Keith hung out with him and Katie (as long as he knew when and where, of course) some time. Keith thought about how he wouldn’t say that if he knew about the incident yesterday. Self-evidently, he didn’t tell him and instead used the time Shiro was busy with speaking to drag the older boy upstairs.

“What are you doing? I have to reheat your water bag and make tea and-“

“No, you don’t! You look like you’re about to drop dead. The only thing you’re going to do right now is to sleep!”, Keith ordered looking at Shiro with the most serious expression he could muster.

“It’s cute of you to worry but-“

“Don’t you dare calling me worrying about you cute! You could hide a car in the rings under your eyes!”, the younger boy exclaimed pushing him into his room. “If it was the other way round, you would tie me to the bed, don’t you dare thinking I wouldn’t do the same!”

Shiro let himself fall onto the bed with an exhausted sigh rubbing his eyes tiredly. “Keith.”

“Don’t ‘Keith’ me!”, he pushed his brother back, threw a blanket over him and turned out the lights.

“But I gotta take care of you.”

This time it was Keith who had to sigh. He sat down onto the edge of the bed. “Shiro”, he began not knowing how to put it, “you’ve been through a lot too. You’re allowed to rest and take care of yourself.”

“If I had been a better brother then none of this would’ve happened.”, his brother’s voice sounded so small and broken, it almost killed him. He had already guessed Shiro felt guilty for what happened but to have his suspicion confirmed was something else.

“That’s not true at all! None of this was your fault. You were the one who saved me, you always have to remember that; you saved me!” Keith really hated talking about this. It made his hair stand and his stomach clench uncomfortably. Still, Shiro had to know it hadn’t been his fault.

“Yeah, after he already did all these horrible things to you! I should’ve been there! I should’ve-“, Shiro bit back a sob.

“ _You_ weren’t the one that raped me!”, he blurted out making Shiro go silent. They usually avoided the word _rape_ but that was exactly what it had been; _rape_.

Keith had no idea what to do. Usually, Shiro wasn’t like that and he didn’t have to deal with openly expressed emotions and feelings of guilt. He was bad at this. The only thing that came to his mind was what Shiro would normally do to him. Awkwardly he pulled Shiro in for a hug tying to help him relax. “Nothing is your fault. You have done more for me than anyone else and you’re the best big brother I could wish for, okay? If you don’t believe in yourself, believe me.”

“Okay.”, Shiro leaned heavily into his side closing his eyes.

Keith was pretty sure the older man only wanted to avoid further discussions but he let it slip for now. “Do you want me to stay here tonight?”, he offered.

Shiro gave him a sad smile shaking his  head. “You don’t have to. I’m sure you have other things to do.”

Rolling his eyes, the younger boy climbed into bed with him. “Shut up!”, he said allowing his brother to sling his arms around his waist and burry his face into his chest. Awkwardly, he petted the older man’s hair. 

Shiro had fallen asleep before he could say knife leaving him to his thoughts. Lance had been the first one to actually _talk_ with him. He didn’t know about his past and according to this also treated him like that. To him Keith was a normal guy, not a victim. He didn’t have to wonder if Lance saw him differently now like Shiro did or if he worried about things he wasn’t supposed to think about. Maybe spending time with Lance would actually help. Not to forget that Shiro would think so too and there was nothing he wanted more than having his brother think he was alright and everything was back to normal.

On the other hand, it was going to complicate things. If Lance still only was interested in Sex, he was a very good actor but it still constituted a threat. Just like Shiro and Lance encountering each other on a regular base. It was dangerous to let people get too close, especially if one had as many secrets as him.

In his sleep, Shiro tightened his grip on him pressing closer. Keith sighed petting the sleeping boy’s hair affectionately. “I wonder what advice you would’ve given me a year ago.”, he told Shiro who was snoring lightly. He knew his brother would completely freak out if he knew about yesterday. So far, his only concern was to protect Keith from other people and he had no idea what would happen if he thought he too had to be protected from himself. If Shiro thought he couldn’t be responsible for his own actions anymore, he could forget about going to school and getting back a normal everyday live any time soon.

But why would Lance tell Shiro? Keith could see no point in this. The information would harm Lance too, after all.

Groaning he threw his arm over his eyes trying to will himself to sleep. This had time until tomorrow when he was facing Lance again. He was probably going to decide on what to do impulsively like usually anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really, really sorry for taking so long! Like some of you already know, the past few weeks were pretty and for me and well, I just couldn't concentrate on anything. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it!

Despite Shiro’s protest, he went back to school the next day. He smiled back at Lance as he greeted him and when the first break began, he didn’t hide in the bathroom like usually. However, he hesitated to sit down next to him and his friends for lunch.

“Hey, Keith!”, Lance called him over when he noticed him sitting down a few tables further from them. Hesitantly, he went over with bowed head and sat down at their table next to Lance. “You know the Martian, right?”

“Err, yes?” Well, that came unexpected. Keith frowned at the boy in front of him.

“Pidge and I were just discussing what is better; the amazing movie that includes Sebastian Stan or the lame book. You’ve got to decide for us. Hunk is being a spoil sport and stays neutral.”

Hunk raised his arms in surrender.

“Err.”, Keith looked back and forth between Lance and Pidge not really sure what he was supposed to say or do. “I didn’t watch the movie”, Lance gasped in shock at hearing this, “but books are always better than movies.”

 “Ha!”, Pidge exclaimed smirking at Lance triumphantly.

“That doesn’t count! He hasn’t even seen the movie! And anyway, he’s wearing a freaking mullet so he _can’t_ have a good taste!”

Keith frowned, “Why did you ask me in the first place then?”

“He has a point.”

“Hunk!”, Lance gasped pressing his hand against his chest feigning shock. “Why are you treating me like this? I thought we were friends!”

“I _am_ your friend. Doesn’t change the facts.”

“Still, I’m not going to give in like this! He at least has to see the movie before he decides the book is better!”

“We could meet at mine tomorrow.”, Pidge chided in, “Not that it’ll change anything. No movie is ever better than the book!”

“We’ll see about that!”, Lance said before he remembered Keith hadn’t agreed to a meeting yet. “You’ll come too, right?”

“I guess, err, I mean-“, Keith stuttered. That was fast. He hadn’t seen this coming and now didn’t know what to say. Shiro would certainly agree seeing that he knew the Holt family since pretty much forever and he wanted Keith to make friends. “If Shiro agrees.” Okay, he hadn’t wanted to put it like this but at least this was an answer.

“Why should your brother not agree?”, Hunk asked.

Keith stayed silent not knowing how to explain this and not wanting to talk about it either. Surprisingly enough, it was Lance who rescued him. “Who cares! Main thing is he comes!”

“Cool, I’ll give you my address. Let us know tomorrow if you’ll be there or not.”, Pidge told him.

 

Keith nodded, “I won’t need your address though. I, err, guess Shiro knows where you live.”

“Right, I completely forgot our brothers are friends. It’s weird I never met you!”

The Holt family used to live in the same city as them almost a decade ago. Shiro and Matt went to the same school and were best friends until they moved. They stayed in loose contact ever since but hadn’t actually seen each other in years. After Shiro had decided they couldn’t keep on living in the same house after what had happened there, they had spoken about where they were supposed to go and decided on Garrison. The good reputation of the school and the thought of already knowing somebody here had been appealing to Shiro. Keith had been more focused on the fact nobody knew about what had happened in their old home.

“We were like six. I didn’t even know Matt had a sister.”

“Well, I knew Shiro had a brother. You were oddly close back then. He was always talking about you.”

If Pidge and Matt knew the family good enough, maybe Lance could learn something about Keith and his relationship to Shiro and his parents. Even though he wanted Keith to tell him in his own time when he was ready, he was afraid of saying something wrong again if he didn’t have at least some basic information.

Keith was grateful for the fact that he didn’t have to answer Pidge since the bell rang again telling them the break was over. “See you.”, he said quickly before he hurried towards the physic rooms.

“Weird guy.”, Pidge stated, “I like him.”

“Yeah, he seems nice despite everything.”, Hunk agreed, “I wonder what’ll be if one gets to know him a little better.”

“Let’s find out then!”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Keith was a little nervous during lunch. He knew Shiro would like him making friends, especially seeing that it were Lance and Pidge that he already knew. He only feared his brother would expect too much from this. They were only watching a movie after all. This wasn’t going to make them Best Friends Forever.

 

“Lance asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him.”, he blurted out finally.

Shiro choked on the spaghetti he was eating and began to cough. Sighing,, Keith patted his back and waited until his brother had calmed down again. “Like a date?”, Shiro managed to exclaim.

“No!” Maybe he should’ve formulated this differently. “Of course not! He and his friends invited me to watch this movie with them to which I’ve already read the book. They want me to decide which is better.”

“Friends? Like plural? Do you know them? Do I know them?”

He was overacting. Keith hadn’t expected anything different. “You know Pidge. The other guy’s name is Hunk, I think. I don’t know him well, but he seems okay.”, Keith shrugged remembering his reassuring presence when he had been sick.

This seemed to be enough for Shiro and a happy grin spread on his face. “That’s great, buddy! I’m so happy for you! I mean, you’ll go, right?”

Keith nodded. He’d go even if it was more for Shiro’s sake than his. “If you don’t mind.”, he said already knowing the answer.

“Of course not! I’m glad you’re making friends. When are you supposed to be there?”

“Tomorrow. I’ll ask them at school about the exact time.”

The rest of the day, Shiro ran around with a happy smile on his face. Grinning, he ruffled his hair ever so often and pulled him in for random hugs. It was nice to see his brother so cheerful, yes almost carefree for once. He hadn’t seen him like this in a very long time.

Himself made the prospect of meeting Lance and his friends pensive. He knew there was no actual reason not to go. They were nice people. And if anything was normal it had to be being friends with nice people, right? Still, it didn’t sound right and the more he thought about it, the less he felt ready for it. But the very idea of disappointing his brother and waste the possibility to get back to normal because he was _afraid_ made him clench his fists angrily. He simply had to get over with it, he thought determined. The memory of what had happened the last time he had tried _to get over with it,_ he pushed away as far as possible.

It didn’t surprise him when he woke up in the middle because of another nightmare. He couldn’t exactly remember what he’d dreamed of but his heart was pounding against his chest so hard he could’ve sworn he felt his skin break. Shiro was already there telling him to breath in and out and stroking his hair reassuringly.

“Shhh! It’s okay. It’s over!”, Shiro promised wiping away the tears Keith had been shedding in his sleep with his thumb, “It was only a dream.”

 

Keith sat up in bed, like usually not really knowing what to say. Shiro handed him a glass of water telling him to drink. Greedily, he downed the cold fluid almost choking on it.

“You okay, buddy?”, the older man asked finally.

Keith nodded wordlessly placing the now empty glass back on the nightstand. Sighing, Shiro climbed into bed with him pulling him close and playing with his longish strands. He wanted to apologize for waking his brother, for worrying him but he couldn’t get the right words out.

Shiro hadn’t expected anything different. “I’d ask you if you wanted to talk about your dream but I already know the answer.”

The younger one was grateful for the fact the older boy didn’t try to get him to open up right now. It would be completely pointless anyway. He didn’t protest when Shiro snuggled under the covers with him and pulled him into his side. He knew his brother needed this just as much as him if not more.

“Do you think you’ll be able to go to sleep?”

He nodded.

“Good. Then close your eyes now. I’ll stay right here.” Shiro told him, “I won’t let him hurt you again.”

Keith didn’t even try to protest and did as he was told. He fell asleep with Shiro’s steady voice in his ear whispering reassuringly to him.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“You’ll call me when you want me to pick you up again, right?” Shiro asked for the third time.

“Yes.”

It was half past four in the afternoon and they were parking in front of the Holt’s estate. Shiro had insisted on driving him even though the street in which Pidge lived was easily reachable by bike. Still, Keith had taken up on that offer to make his brother happy and to spare himself another discussion. They were still early and not for the first time Keith thought about turning around and going back home again. All he had to do was telling Shiro he wasn’t ready for this or that he didn’t feel good and he could go home again, crawl into his bed and hide beneath his covers. Preferable for the rest of his live. But he kept silent.

When he opened the door to exit the car, Shiro held him back. “Wait!” he got out himself and went around the car pulling a confused Keith into a warm hug. “Did I tell you how proud I am of you?”

Keith swallowed. He didn’t want to hear this. There was really no reason to be _proud_.

“I can only imagine how hard everything has to be for you but you keep fighting!” Keith wanted to throw up, “I know you don’t believe me but you have no idea how strong you are!”

“You’re right.”, he said, “I don’t believe you. Can I go now?”

Shiro sighed. “Okay, but we’re going to talk about this later.”

“Err.”, Keith began when his brother made no move to let him go, “You’ve got to let go of me.”

“I know.”, he squeezed him tightly, “But I don’t want to.”

“I can still call this off if you need me to stay home with you.”, he offered almost hoping Shiro would say yes because this way he could cancel on Lance by blaming it on his brother.

Instead, the older man pulled away. “No, I get along. Don’t worry about my, kiddo. Just have fun and remember, you can always call me.”, he called after him.

When he rang the doorbell, he could see Shiro was waiting in the car. Lance opened the door for him greeting him grinning. “Come in! You’re just in time. We already prepared the popcorn and the drinks.”

Keith did as he was told taking off his shoes. He looked around. The floor he was standing in, was bright and friendly. Pictures of Pidge and her family were covering the white wall. They smiled happily in the camera. He recognized the taller boy that looked really similar to Pidge as Matt, Shiro’s childhood friend and the man and the woman on the images were Mr. and Mrs. Holt. He remembered them to be decent people.

 

“Is your brother going to come in too?” Lance who had recognized Shiro in the car on the other side of the street, asked. “If he’s waiting for you or something, he doesn’t have to wait in the car.”

 _Dammit, Shiro!_ “No, he’ll drive away any minute.”, he said hoping this to be true.

Lance shrugged guiding him through the floor and into the living room where Hunk and Pidge were already waiting for them. Like the Cuban boy had promised, a bowl with popcorn was already standing on the small desk in front of the couch. Hunk greeted him smiling handing him a coke.

“Nice to see you!”

“Hey, Keith! Matt, he’s here!”, Pidge called. “I promised my brother to tell him when you arrive.”

Shortly after, said brother crashed down the stairs that branched off the floor. The door behind him was ripped open and he barely had enough time to turn around before he was pulled into a tight hug. He huffed. “Hey, Matt.” The older boy looked pretty much like he remembered him. Wild locks were framing his face, glasses almost sliding down his nose. He had grown a little since he’d last seen him. He was still shorter than Shiro, of course but remarkably taller than himself.

“Keithy! Oh my god, you haven’t changed at all!”, the older boy exclaimed ruffling his hair. “You even still have the same mullet! And you’re so tiny! Are you still obsessed with hippos?”

Lance giggled and Pidge rolled her eyes, “Stop molesting my guests! Go get your own friends!” she scolded.

Matt turned around to his sister pulling Keith into his side grinning. “Excuse me? I know Keith way longer than you! Hey, do you remember that one time Shiro and I braided your hair and told you your name was Kitty from now on?”

Keith blushed heavily at the memory. “No.”

“Did you make photos? I’ll give you a million dollars for them!”

“You don’t have a million dollars, Lance!”

“Spoilsport!”

Pidge stuck out her tongue.

“What are we watching anyway?”, Matt asked making himself comfortable on the couch. He put his feet onto the table squinting at the screen.

 

Pidge shoved her brother’s feet off the couch table making room for herself. “ _Me and my friends_ are watching The Martian.”

“Oh. Good movie!”

“No, good book. The movie is okay.”

“I can’t believe we are related at times!”, her brother groaned, “Anyway, I finished homework and have nothing to do now.”

Keith listened to Pidge and Matt bickering. It remembered him on Shiro and him not even a year ago. He missed this part of their relationship, nowadays Shiro felt forced too often to act parentally instead of brotherlike. He missed the teasing and the bickering and he missed the Shiro that wasn’t always worried and exhausted but his, sometimes obnoxious, cheerful big brother who was outgoing and sociable.

“What are you waiting for? Make yourself at home!”, Pidge ordered. The others had already sat down on the two small couches. Pidge, Matt and Hunk had squeezed onto the right sofa, Lance on the left one, patted onto the cushion next to him.

“Just for you to know; if you fall asleep which would be pretty adorable by the way, I’m going to braid your hair and make photos of you.”, Lance told him.

“Do that and I’ll braid your dick.” This shut the Cuban boy up.


	9. Chapter 9

To his very surprise, he actually enjoyed himself. Lance was way less annoying than he’d originally thought. He was a fun guy and if he was completely honest, he could see a lot of Shiro (the true one) in him. It was nice to have someone joking with him for a change.

Hunk was great too. He was a quiet boy for the most part, not as loud as his friends. Keith relished his calm presence and was grateful for his peacemaking nature.

Pidge and Matt were- well, Pidge and Matt. Katie came completely after her brother. Both were nerdy and smart and always fighting with each other. Just like siblings were supposed to be. Keith found, he and Pidge had actually a lot in common; their love for books, their cynical tendencies and having to deal with annoying older brothers.

Speaking of annoying older brother’s, ever so often Keith could feel Matt’s curious eyes on him. He had a pretty good idea what Matt was thinking about. He remembered the older boy calling them and asking after the funeral. Shiro had told him not to come since they wouldn’t be there themselves anyway. A week later Shiro had told his former best friend they were going to move into the direct neighborhood. Matt had to be pretty confused by all of this and he doubted Shiro had given him any closer information when they’d met a few days ago. In addition to the dark circles beneath his brother’s eyes and the news he had dropped out of university, well, he understood Matt was curious but that didn’t mean he was going to tell him anything.

Pidge noticed her brother’s looks too and elbowed him shaking her head in a silent no. Keith didn’t know how much Lance had told her but he was grateful for the gesture. Matt seemed to get the hint and quit the staring.

During the second half of the movie, his eyelids actually began to feel heavy but he wasn’t going to give Lance the pleasure of falling asleep on him. Lance offered his shoulder to him but he declined determined to stay awake. When the movie ended, he was half asleep cuddled into the armrest. He bit back a groan when the lights were turned on.

“And?”, Lance asked excitedly, “Which is better? Book or movie?” Suddenly all his eyes were on him.

“You were right, the movies is great. But”, he paused to yawn, “I still stand with Pidge. Books are always better than movies.”

Lance gasped offended while Pidge jumped up grinning. “Ha! I knew it!”, she gave Keith a high five.

He couldn’t deny that this simple gesture of camaraderie and friendship did something to him. Keith didn’t even try to stop the smile from forming on his lips. He didn’t know why something so trivial made him feel so good. Maybe it was the fact that he never really had friends before and without knowing he’d missed something important he had never guessed he might crave this much. It was bizarre, really.

“I’m proud of you, Lance! For once you got yourself a crush who is actually good for something!”, she exclaimed still grinning. Keith had no idea how long this debate about the movie had been going on but he guessed it had been some time. The fact that Pidge had called him “Lance’s crush”, he ignored generously.

Lance on the other hand blushed furiously beginning to cough. If Keith hadn’t known any better, he would’ve guessed the Cuban boy was embarrassed because Pidge was right.

“Pidge! Oh my god, you do realize he can hear us, right?!”, Lance turned to him, “You know, she’s only joking because she’s sadistic and has a cruel form of humor.”

Keith raised an eyebrow. “Sure.”

Hunk and Matt had started to laugh. Matt openly, while Hunk was still trying to suppress it being the good best friend he was.

“Well, I better go call Shiro. He’s going to worry.”

“I can drive you.”, Matt offered.

“Thanks, but I do remember you training for your driver license on our driveaway. I’m still traumatized.” It wasn’t that he was actually scared because of Matt driving but Matt asking questions, he wouldn’t be able to answer.

The older boy pouted but didn’t say anything remembering that day all too well himself. “Tell Shiro I said hello.”, he said instead.

“Well, I’m going home too.”, Hunk yawned, “See you guys in school on Monday.”, he pulled everyone, including Keith, in for a short but warm hug.

“Is anyone going to help me clean?”, Pidge asked gesturing at the empty bowls of Popcorn and the other snacks and drinks they’d left.

“Sure. My Mum isn’t expecting me to be home for 10pm anyways.”, Lance stated.

“I’ll help too. Just let me call Shiro really quick.”, Keith said.

“Oh, what _gentlemen_!”, Pidge called after her brother who had discreetly begun to retreat at the word _cleaning_ and was now running upstairs.

Keith grabbed his phone and went into the floor so the noises of Pidge and Lance chatting and cleaning wouldn’t disturb his conversation. Only that Shiro didn’t pick up the phone. For a second he worried, then he remembered how tired his brother had looked all day and came to the conclusion he had probably simply fallen asleep.

Shiro was going to freak out if he learned he’d walked all by himself the two miles home but what other choice did he have? He certainly wasn’t going to ask Matt. Well, if he was lucky Shiro would still be asleep when he came home and he could later tell him Matt had given him a ride despite actually walking. He went to the kitchen where Pidge and Lance were waiting.

“And? When will he pick you up?”

Keith shrugged. “He didn’t answer the phone. He has a habit of falling asleep in front of the TV. I guess, I’ll walk.”

“But it’s almost dark and it’s getting cold outside and you only have that poor excuse of a jacket.”, Lance protested pursing his lips, “I’ll drive you! Can’t have Shiro thinking I’d let his little brother get home all by himself even though your house lays on my way.”

“You have a car?”

“The car of my Mum. We call her blue – err, the car of course. Not my Mum. That would be weird. Anyway, my parents don’t like it when I go by bike in the dark so I can lend the family car if it’s not needed.”, he explained.

Keith hesitated but everything was better than being driven by Matt and he wasn’t exactly keen on walking either. “Okay. Thank you, Lance.”

The Cuban boy gave him his brightest smile, “No problem, buddy!”

“Get a room!”, Pidge groaned.

They didn’t take long to tidy up and after they quickly said goodbye to the Holt siblings, Keith followed Lance to his car. It had an ugly bright blue color and probably was twice as old as him. Taking a closer look, he realized he had already seen it somewhere. His first day at Garrison Highschool, he remembered. So, Lance had been the annoying guy he’d flipped of. Good to know.

Lance mistook Keith’s look for skepticism, “She is not as old as she looks. Well, she probably is but I promise everything’s still working!”, he hurried to say.

“I still can’t believe you called your car blue!”

“I know it’s not the most creative name ever but it was still better than Collateral Damage.”

Keith couldn’t object. They entered the car and he grimaced when Lance turned on the radio, Taylor Swift blasting through the speakers.

“What, you don’t like my taste in music?”

“I wouldn’t call that taste.”, he grinned at the offended gasp he got in response.

“Let me guess, you like Depeche Mode, Linkin Park and other emo bands like that.”

“Not only. Classic Rock is cool. Y’know, the old stuff like ACDC and Guns N Roses.”, Keith actually used to listen to music a lot but lately not so much anymore. It just didn’t fit. The silence inside his head wasn’t to be drowned out by headphones. Maybe he should give it another go some time.

“Does Green Day and Bon Jovi count as ‘old stuff’ cause they’re really good.”

“Sure. I liked Basket Case.”

Lance made a small detour on purpose thus he had more time talking to Keith. It was nice to see the boy letting down his guard a little. He wasn’t as tense as in school and actually smiled every once in a while. Eventually they came to a halt in front of Keith’s house. They were so busy laughing about one of Lance’s jokes, they almost missed the driveaway. Keith had a beautiful laugh.

Keith hadn’t expected Lance to be such a decent guy and neither had he thought he would have nearly as much fun as he had today. But what he even less expected was the urge to kiss the Cuban boy when he turned to him to say goodbye. The realization came over him as a complete shock and he froze in the attempt to open the door.

“You good there, mullet?”

“Err, yeah, I guess, I- thank you. For driving me and inviting me and everything. I had fun.”

“Awww!”, Lance squeaked. He couldn’t help it. It was so great to see Keith let loose for once and it was cute how much of an awkward dork he actually was. His heart melted at the sight of the younger boy scratching the back of his head nervously. “Can I hug you?” Usually he wouldn’t ask first but regarding their past he didn’t want to take a risk.

Keith looked at him in surprise. “What?”

“I’d like to touch you but I’m not sure if hugs are okay.”

“Err. Yes, yes, sure, hugs are okay.”, he stuttered and in the next moment he was wrapped into a tight embrace. It was nice. Lance was warm and his hair smelled like sweet popcorn and the apple shampoo he used. Also, being asked before getting touched was a nice change. It made him feel safe and in control and it was great to know someone was caring about him enough to consider this and respect his boundaries.

“It would be great if we could repeat this soon.”, Lance stated reluctantly letting go off him.

Keith nodded, too focused on the warm fuzzy feeling inside his stomach to say anything. “I gotta go and make sure Shiro doesn’t get a heart attack when he realizes he fell asleep and didn’t answer the phone.”

“Sure, greet him from me!”

Like predicted, Shiro had fallen asleep on the couch in front of the TV. Keith smiled at the picture in front of him. He grabbed one of the woolen blankets from the armchair whose only propose it was to be used as a storage place for pillows, blankets, jackets and bags. He covered the older man who was laying on his side pressed against the back soring lightly. Knowing Shiro would have a major freak out once he woke up, he got out of his shoes and jacket and cuddled into the free space next to his brother.

A Star Trek episode was broadcasted on TV and he wondered if Shiro was finally becoming a Fan. Like how could one not like Star Trek? He remembered how Matt had shown him his first episode when he was five years old and Shiro had made a fuss because “he’s way too young for that, Matt”!

Shiro grunted in his sleep pulling Keith closer who cuddled next to him under the cover. He considered waking him so he wouldn’t get a stiff neck since the couch was too small for his tall brother. The conflict was resolved by itself when Shiro stirred and slowly opened his eyes.

He blinked a few times taking in his surroundings. “Keith!”, he finally exclaimed sitting up straight. He threw a frantic glance at the clock. “Oh my god, I fell asleep! I’m so sorry-“

“Relax!”, he hushed his brother, “I’m all good. It wasn’t far anyway.”

“Please tell me you didn’t walk! It’s already dark outside and in these thin clothes you’d catch death and-“

“No, Lance drove me! Calm down, Shiro. I already guessed you fell asleep and Lance said it would be no trouble at all.”

The older boy exhaled slowly in the attempt to calm his frantically beating heart. Keith hadn’t gone by foot and he was okay. More than okay, it seemed. A genuine smile was playing on his lips. He hadn’t seen such a thing in months! “Did you have fun at least?”, he asked.

Keith grinned “Yeah, it was pretty cool.”

“That’s great, buddy.” Before Shiro could do so Keith had pulled him into a hug. A little surprised he hugged back. “Did I already mention that I’m proud of you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ll do it again then; I’m very proud of you, kiddo!”

“Go back to sleep, old man!” Keith ordered, “You still look like dead. Maybe you should go to bed.”

“Don’t want to. Is comfortable here.”, he murmured drawing Keith close into his side, “Did you eat?”

He nodded, “We had popcorn.”

“Good. Then try to get some sleep too, okay?”, he asked pulling the blanket over the younger boy’s shoulders and pressed a soft kiss on his hairline.

Keith rested his head on top of Shiro’s chest and nodded. He felt his brother’s huge hand tangling into his hair and leaned into his touch. Some twisted part of his brain wanted to talk about Lance. He really had no idea what to do now. Maybe if he waited long enough this… _urge_ would vanish and he and Lance could get friends. Perhaps it was simply his libido finally acting up again. This would’ve been the first time in months and it was another thing that worried him. Which normal allosexual 16 year old teenage boy had no interest in Sex at all?

Anyway, Keith knew himself good enough to know he wouldn’t actually talk to his Shiro about it even if he was already half asleep beneath him and hadn’t just let Popcorn pass as dinner. It would only freak his brother out and he would like to spare himself the embarrassment of going into detail about what he was feeling. Perhaps he would consider it if he could talk to the old Shiro who used to have a lot of good advices in the past (even if he would seldomly listen to him).

Sighing he leaned into his brother closing his eyes. As soon as he appeared to be ‘normal’ again, Shiro would hopefully go back to be himself again.


	10. Chapter 10

Keith really did his best to arise the impression he was ‘healing’ like Shiro would put it. He went to school, started to participate during lesson (Shiro almost cried out of pride when he brought the first test home and it was an A) and he hung out with Lance and his friends. He even got himself concealer to cover up the circles beneath his eyes so it wouldn’t be that obvious he was still suffering from nightmares and insomnia. He’d thought he’d done a decent job since it seemed to do the trick on Shiro but as soon as he entered school Lance laughed at him and offered him a private lesson concerning Make Up. Much to his own surprise he accepted the offer.

All in all, he could say he was actually feeling a little better. There were still times when he felt empty or angry and wanted to drown out the rest of the world but he got better in concealing it. Sometimes he told Shiro he was going to Lance after school to get out of the house for a few hours on his own which really helped clearing his head. Or he went over to the Holt’s. Pidge seemed to enjoy his silent company and so they sometimes simply sat on her bed in silent; she furiously tipping something on her Laptop, him staring in the air enjoying not having to deal with Shiro’s fussing and prodding. The only danger that came from that was Matt. He’d always been a naturally curious boy and it seemed Shiro still refused to tell him what he wanted to know. Pidge did her best to shield him from this though.

The only thing that was actually bothering him was a kid named Lotor in school. He was one of these rich snobs Keith couldn’t stand and a bully additionally which he found even worse. He had never been one to keep quiet but Shiro had asked him not to get into trouble. As long as he didn’t actually witness anything, he kept his cool but of course this couldn’t go well for long. They had a few courses together and Keith attracted his attention by not participating in PE. It didn’t take long until he decided on Keith as his next _victim_ or so he thought. When he realized how close he and Lance were, he decided to pick on him too. Terrible mistake.

Keith hadn’t been aware of the comments Lotor had begun to make behind his back. But when he was standing in the cafeteria with Lance and the others and Lotor bumped into him – intentionally – he couldn’t very well ignore him. The push was so hard, he stumbled and Hunk had to catch him thus he didn’t fall onto the ground. Before he was back on his feet and had the chance to snap at Lotor, Lance had stepped between him and the blonde boy that grinned maliciously at them.

“What’s your problem?! I don’t think it’s very polite shoving people around!”, Lance spoke up. He knew Lotor and the reputation of his family but for now he couldn’t care less.

“Did you hear that, guys? Hey, Lance, were your parents related because that would explain a lot!” Lotor turned around to face his friends who were laughing.

He shouldn’t have said that. Keith had gotten to his feet again with Hunks help and now charged forward. His fist made contact with the taller boy’s nose before he had even realized what was happening.

In the background he could hear Lotor’s friends, Hunk, Pidge and Lance gasp in shock. But he didn’t stop. He was furious now. Maybe if he wouldn’t have attacked Lance he would’ve gotten away with a bloody nose but he had insulted his friend. Keith was extremely loyal and if one came too close to someone he liked it could get unpleasant for them. He was going to make him feel this now.

He hit him again. Shiro had taught him how to defend himself when he was twelve and the other boys in his class had picked on him. After the incidence his brother had insisted on reviving his training from which he benefited now. He got in another punch before Lotor overcame his surprise and tried to break away from him. Keith, however, pressed him against the wall pressing his forearm against the taller one’s throat. “Apologize to him!”, he ordered.

“You’ll get into trouble if-“

He shook him and tightened his grip. “I said apologize!”, his voice was dangerously low.

“You can’t just-“

“Apologize!”, he screamed.

“I’m sorry.”, Lotor panted into Lance’s direction and Keith let go of him. “You’re going to regret this, Kogane!”

In this very moment a teacher came by sending them to the director.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“I can’t believe they called your brother!”, Hunk said.

The friends were sitting in the small lobby in front of Mr. Kolivan’s office. Kolivan was not only their class teacher but also their guidance counselor and director Iverson had decided he should deal with the students. Lotor had been taken to the nurse and was now speaking to him inside the office which was why they had to wait outside. The secretary had tried to reach his parents too but they both were at work and didn’t answer the phone. Shiro on the other hand… Keith sighed.

“Are you going to get into trouble now?”,  Lance asked, “I mean, you only tried to help me even if you didn’t have to do this-“

“Yes, I had to!”, Keith interrupted. “We are friends and friends do things like that!” At least this was his definition of friendship.

Pidge grinned. “Well, I know now to whom I’ll come if someone is bothering me.”

“Don’t hesitate! I’ll gladly beat the shit out of whoever tries to hurt you!”, he crossed his arms in front of his chest glaring deadly at the door. He really meant it. Bullies were the worst and he certainly wasn’t going to stay silent.

“Whoa, calm down, cowboy!”, Lance began, “I’m very grateful for what you did and Lotor did deserve it but I don’t want you to get into trouble because of me.”

“Shiro is not going to be mad at me for protecting my friends and I couldn’t care less about what the school thinks!”, he huffed. He knew his brother well enough to know he’d agree with him. Shiro had always stood up for others and taught him how important it was. He might disagree with his methods but he wouldn’t be mad.

“And your parents?”

Pidge looked at Keith expectantly. She knew that at least his mother was dead and if she had gotten Matt right, something was up with the father too. But apparently Keith wasn’t ready to tell them yet and it was none of her business so she kept silent.

“Don’t worry about them.”, Keith said.

Lance was about to ask something else when the door was ripped open and Shiro stormed in. Lance almost fell from the chair in shock of the sudden appearance. At least, he noticed quickly, Shiro didn’t look mad but worried.

The older man looked around the room frantically until his eyes settled on his brother. He ran towards Keith falling on his knees in front of him. “Keith! Buddy! You okay? The school called me! What happened? Did anyone hurt you?”, he cradled the younger one’s head in his hand checking him for injuries in a frantic haze. 

Keith groaned. He would’ve liked to spare himself this embarrassing display. “Relax, Shiro, I’m all good!”, he assured the older one, “I might’ve punched this asshole that-”

In this very moment Lotor charged out of the office. He looked like he was ready to kill with his nose still bloody and a black eye already forming on his face. Keith jumped up ready to defend himself but Shiro was quicker. He put himself between his brother and the quickly approaching boy.

Lotor didn’t seem to mind. “Hey, you goddamn fag! I swear you’re going to regret the day you-“

With one move, Shiro had grabbed him by the arm and crossed it behind his back. “Nobody’s talking to my brother like that!”, he said firmly, “Did you understand me?” Shiro lifted his arm a little higher making Lotor whine in pain.

“Lotor! Leave them alone and go! I don’t want to see you here for the next week!”, Kolivan stood in the door frame looking at them sternly.

Shiro let go of the blonde boy who hissed at him like a hurt animal and vanished through the door. He turned to his brother. “Good work. I see you at least learned something from me.”

Lance gaped. His Momma would have his head if he did something familiar.

“See?”, Keith grinned, “I told you he wouldn’t be mad!”

Kolivan cleared his throat signifying them to come in. Shiro had laid both hands on his brother’s shoulders following him into the office. The other three stayed back.

“Have a seat, please. Mr. Shirogane, I assume?”

The two shook hands.

“I already spoke with Lotor and the other kids that witnessed the incident but maybe you have something to add. Lotor pushed you and insulted Lance and you punched him until he apologized? Is that correct so far?”

Shiro looked at him and Keith shrugged. “Pretty much. Nothing to add.”

“If this Lotor kid started the fight and even pushed him, I don’t see why you would punish Keith.”, Shiro said ready to defend his brother.

“Nobody’s going to punish Keith, Mr Shirogane.”, Kolivan assured him, “Lotor has the habit of picking on kids. Usually he seeks out the ones that don’t defend themselves. Apparently, he misjudged Keith. We have more than ten kids that witnessed the fight that say Lotor shoved him intentionally and Keith only defend himself. Still, we’re forced to call the parents – or the legal guardian in this case – and inform them about the incident.”

“Oh, well.”, Shiro looked from Kolivan to Keith and back. “What is going to happen with the guy that picked on Keith now?”

“He’s suspended for the following week. That’s all we could do for now but if he should bother you again, Keith, don’t hesitate to come to us. Also, try not to get into fights if it’s avoidable, okay?”

The younger boy nodded a little surprised. In his old school he would’ve gotten detention.

“Okay.”, Kolivan sighed glancing at the clock, “If you want to you can go home now. School will be over in less than five minutes, anyway. There’s no point in sending you back to class now. Same goes for your friends.”

“Thank you.”, Shiro stood up and offered the teacher his hand, “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

Kolivan nodded at them and went back to signing tests.

 

Lance jumped up when the two reentered the small waiting room. “Everything okay? Are you getting detention? I’m sorry, Shiro, this is all my fault!”

“Lance, stop rambling!”, Keith ordered, “We can go.”

“Aren’t you-“

“Nobody’s in trouble. They know Lotor is an asshole and suspended him for a week.”, Keith explained.

Lance couldn’t believe it. He had expected the worst. That Keith would get detention or be expelled and would never speak to him again. Shiro would hate him to and keep him from speaking with his little brother ever again. And he would never get Keith to like him and loose his trust forever. “Oh.” A grin slowly spread on his lips. But none of that had happened and Keith had defended him. He felt a warm tickle deep down in his stomach. Keith had attacked Lotor for him so maybe he actually cared about him.

It wasn’t easy to read Keith. Sometimes, he wasn’t sure if the dark-haired boy even liked him at all, then again he didn’t see any other reason as to why Keith would spend so much time with them then. Part of him wondered if Shiro had forced him into it seeing that he seemed to have big influence on Keith’s live. On the other hand did Keith not look like one to simply submit. No, Keith had become his friend, no matter the difficulties they had in the beginning. Even if he didn’t know why he had changed his mind about him.

“Come on, I take you guys out for ice cream.”, Shiro offered. He had mixed feelings about the fight. Of course, he was worried about Keith making enemies at school where he couldn’t protect him. Then again, it was good to know his brother finally cared enough about somebody to stand up for them again. He used to get into fights at his old school quiet frequently but in months now, nothing like this had happened. So, he decided to take this as a good sign. Keith was slowly getting better and he wasn’t going to snooker him from achieving this. Instead, he would encourage him.

Pidge grinned, “You’re way cooler than I remembered you, Shiro!”

Shiro didn’t know if this was supposed to be a compliment or an insult. Seeing that she was Matt’s sister probably both. “Yeah, don’t tell your brother.”

“That’s pretty nice of you! My name’s Hunk by the way.”

“Shiro.”, the older boy shook his hand smiling, “It’s nice to finally meet you. Keith told me a lot of you all.”

Keith wanted to groan inwardly. “Shall we go then?”, he asked instead. The others nodded and they went to the car happily chatting. Shiro seemed to be very pleased with himself. It was important for him to be on good terms with his friends and the fact that they seemed to really like him appeared to be a good premise.

Keith didn’t mind sharing his friends. He really didn’t. Actually, he thought it was a good thing that they seemed to get along and Shiro approved of them. It would secure him further liberties in the future. Still, he was afraid someone might accidentally mention _something_ that would change everything. Like Hunk telling him of Lance’s first visit at their house or Pidge making another joke about Lance having a crush on him. He bit his lip.

“You good?”, Lance who had fallen into step next to him asked silently thus the others wouldn’t hear them.

Keith nodded.

“You know, it was really nice of you to defend me. I don’t think anybody has ever done something like for me.”

“Then everybody else is simply stupid.”, Keith huffed burying his hands into his pockets.

Lance smiled trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. This wouldn’t lead to anything, he knew. “You’re really something else, Keith.”

The younger boy wanted to answer but they’d reached the car. He let Pidge take the passenger seat next to his brother and squeezed beside Lance and Hunk on the backseat. During the ride, he suddenly felt a hand coming to rest on his own. He looked up to see Lance stubbornly staring straightforward but with a prominent blush on his face. He could feel his cheeks reddening in embarrassment as well but did nothing to move his hand away. Friends did such things, right?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Like always, thank you for your nice feedback. I hope you enjoy the following chapter <3

From this day on, Keith and Lance got a lot closer. Keith slowly began to trust the Cuban boy and value the time he spend with him more. Despite Shiro’s encouragement, he still spend a lot of time home laying on his bed and simply _thinking_ though.

One day, Lance had invited him over for dinner to meet his whole family. Mr and Mrs McClain were nice people. They had seven children, including Lance. Keith found out that Lance had two older sisters from which one was taking courses at university and was only home at the weekend. There were another three sisters that were five, seven and thirteen years old and the twin brother of the seven year old girl, Leandro, who looked exactly like Lance (but ten years younger, of course). It was loud spending time with the McClain family but also pretty funny. The way Lance played and joked with his youngest siblings and the children of his oldest sister (two and three years old) was just so _Lance_ it made his heart clench.

By now it had gotten almost impossible to deny his feelings for the older boy. That didn’t mean he stopped trying though. Whenever he felt his heart flutter when Lance so much as looked at him, he told himself it was only friendship and he was reading too much into this. Other than that, he pushed these thoughts aside. Everything came to an end sooner or later, so eventually this thing would finish itself of.

Keith sat up when he heard his brother knock at his door and quickly grabbed a random book from his nightstand to make it look like he had been reading. A moment later, Shiro put his head through the door. “Hey, buddy. Do you need anything before I go to bed?”

 

The younger boy glanced at the clock. It was barely ten, yet. “No, go to sleep!”, he shook his head, “I’ll get along.”

Instead, Shiro sat onto the bed smiling affectionately at him which made Keith want to groan. “What are you reading?”

“A book.”, he answered eloquently.

“No shit!”

“You shouldn’t swear around me. I’m a minor.”, he informed him waiting for what Shiro had to say. He knew there was something on the older boy’s mind by his poor attempt of making Small Talk.

“You heard worse.”, Shiro stated unimpressed.

“Like you and Adam having Sex?”

The older man choked on his own spit beginning to cough. A deep flush crept up his cheeks. “When did you hear that?”, he asked breathlessly.

“Almost two years ago, I guess. Adam was there over the weekend and we were otherwise alone at home. Our rooms were next to each other and the walls were thin. It was impossible not to hear! Especially seeing that you weren’t exactly quiet!”

“Oh god! I didn’t know you were home! Why didn’t you say anything?”

Keith shrugged, “I really didn’t want to have _that_ talk.”

“Oh god!”, Shiro repeated in bewilderment. He was so shocked, he almost forgot what he had wanted to ask his little brother. Well, almost. “Err. Dr Alfor called. He asked if we are going to make another appointment for you.”, he explained carefully.

The grin vanished from Keith’s face. “What did you tell him?”, he asked his voice betraying no emotion.

Shiro sighed. “That I had to ask you. It’s your decision, Keith. So far, none of the experts I sent you to seemed to help. I mean, they might’ve could if you actually gave them a chance but maybe that’s simply something that isn’t in your power. I really don’t know. I’ll keep doing what I can to help you but in the end it’s all on you.”, Shiro explained, “If you think it would help you, I will gladly make another appointment. But if you don’t see a point in it, let it be. You don’t have to go there because you think I expect this from you. I know it was the only reason you went last time.”

Keith blinked in surprise. “How-“

“Dr Alfor said it would avail nothing if the only reason you go to him is to reassure me.”, Shiro sighed.

“Oh.” _Traitor_! Was he even allowed to tell Shiro this? Keith clenched his hands into fists.

“Are you doing a lot of things only to make me feel better?” It was obvious Shiro was scared of the answer. The way he tried not to bite on his lip and lower his glance gave him away.

“No.”, he hated how his answer sounded more like a question. He really was a terrible liar.

“Keith.”, Shiro sighed.

“I said no, okay?!”, Keith snapped. He couldn’t let Shiro feel guilty over this. After all, it was his fault. He should’ve been more careful to disguise his actual intentions.

“Okay.”

Keith had no idea if Shiro actually believed him or if he simply tried to appease him. He really hoped it was the first one. He leaned back against the pillows staring at Shiro in the attempt to read him. But his brother had closed up and he couldn’t recognize what was going on inside of his mind.

“So, what do you think about an appointment?”, Shiro asked with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Err.”, If Keith was being honest, he actually had a lot of things to get off his mind. All the things he kept secret from Shiro and his past that in turn he was busy to hide from his new friends were tiring. All the things that filled his mind and he couldn’t talk with anybody about made him want to scream at times and he knew if he kept this up, it surely wouldn’t end well. Still, he wasn’t ready to open up to a complete stranger that might tell his brother about everything. “Can I think about it?” this would buy him some time at least.

“Of course, buddy.”, Shiro smiled, “Take your time, okay?”

Keith nodded and let Shiro press a kiss onto his forehead before he stood up. “You should go to bed soon too.”, he said and wished him a good night before he left the room for good.

But Keith didn’t think about going to sleep any time soon. Restlessness was twisting painfully deep in his stomach after the talk with his brother and he felt the need to run. He waited a few minutes until he was sure Shiro was in his room and wouldn’t hear him. Then, he grabbed his phone, stuffed a few pillows beneath his blanket and switched off the light before he silently opened the window and climbed onto the roof. A few feet away from the gutter a huge tree stretched his limbs into his direction.

Carefully, he ducked when he passed his older brother’s room. He put his phone into his pocket before he jumped on the off chance at the tree and clung onto the next branch he could reach. _I used to be better at this_ , he thought bitterly when a twig bored into his hip. But it was dark after all and he could barely see outlines from the light that came from the streetlamps. Half climbing, half sliding he reached the ground landing on his ass. He jumped up again and began to run down the street.

The coldness of the October night made him shiver and goosebumps broke out all over his skin. He knew, however, he wouldn’t feel cold for long and quickened his pace. There was no actual place he planned on going to, he just needed a change of scene.

For the next twenty minutes there was nothing but running and breathing and the cover of darkness shielding him from the rest of the world. At one point he passed a little grove that somehow looked familiar to him. Finally, he stopped and – to his great shock - found himself directly in front of Lance’s house. He turned around realizing he had taken the indirect route over the woods outside the city that lead to the Cuban boy’s house.

Instantly, all his problems he’d tried to run away from rushed back to his mind. He groaned. It was like his subconsciousness tried to punish him.

Keith glanced at the house in which most of the lights were still on. He knew Lance’s room was the one on the street side on the upperfloor. From his position he could look into the window. He recognized the baby blue color of his walls  and the corner of the corny tester bed. He couldn’t help but smile softly. Automatically, his fingers reached for the phone in his pocket. Maybe it was time to tell Lance about everything. Maybe he would still like him if he knew about his past. Maybe.

In this moment Lance stepped into his view. He stood by the window looking onto the street. Keith hid behind the nearest bush out of reflex. He thought about coming out and waving but he didn’t want to look like a stalker or something. Besides, that would be weird.

Still standing in front of the window, Lance pulled his Shirt over his head probably preparing to go to bed himself. Keith blushed heavily averting his eyes immediately. He wasn’t a voyeur. At some point he looked up again. Much to his relieve the Cuban boy had changed into his pajamas by now.

In the meanwhile, the older boy had pulled out his phone apparently writing a message. He had a dreamy expression on his face and Keith wondered with whom he was writing. Whoever it was, they were probably very important to him. Keith’s line of thought was interrupted when his phone vibrated a second later with a message from Lance. _Still awake ,mullet:) ?_

His heart skipped a beat. _Don’t get your hopes on!_ He called himself to order. He put his phone back into his pocket without answering the message.

Lance’s smile dropped after a few minutes and he closed the curtains sighing. Shortly after, the lights were turned off and Keith tore his eyes away from the window. With the darkness, he felt the cold returning and couldn’t suppress a shiver. _Maybe_ wasn’t enough.

Somehow, he made it back home. He had no idea how he managed to climb the tree and get onto the roof in the dark and without waking his brother up. He got in through the window and let himself fall onto the bed. Without changing, brushing his teeth or even covering himself with the comforter, he fell into a restless sleep.

Of course, neither Keith nor Shiro had remembered to set the alarm for the next morning so they slept in. Keith was awoken by a cursing Shiro shaking him awake. “Come on, buddy, it’s already late! If you don’t want to stay home today, you gotta hurry!”

Keith swore under his breath and jumped up. Shiro had already gone downstairs to quickly prepare breakfast. He rushed to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. At least, in his haze Shiro hadn’t noticed (or leastwise failed to comment on) the branches and leaves that had become entangled into his hair by his nighty adventure. Quickly, he removed them and sprinted downstairs.

“Didn’t you already wear these clothes yesterday?”, Shiro asked raising his eyebrows when Keith entered into the kitchen letting himself fall onto his seat in front of a full bowl with cornflakes.

The younger boy shrugged shoving the cornflakes into his mouth so fast Shiro feared he might choke on them.

“Go back and change! And stop inhaling your breakfast!”, Shiro ordered.

“I don’t have time!”, the younger boy protested.

“Yes, you do! Just hurry a little and you won’t be late at all.”

Keith gulped down the remaining cornflakes and ran back into his room to change.

Ten minutes later, they sat in the car. Shiro glanced at the clock and relaxed a little. They still would arrive in time. He ruffled his brother’s hair reassuringly. Keith jerked away in his tensed state violently, then leaned into the touch almost apologetically.

Shiro parked in front of the school and Keith shouldered his bag. “See you later, Shiro.”, he said before he slammed the car door shut behind him.

“Have a nice day, buddy!”, Shiro called after him not suspecting in the least that a lot of things were going to change very soon. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long again!  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and leave me a comment!
> 
> WARNING: This chapter includes more or less graphic description of violence and rape. If you're easily triggered by that, you shouldn't read this! It's *only* a flashback and not actually important to understand the plot.

_It was a warm spring day and the sun was shining warmly on the rooftop of Shio’s car. He excitedly he drummed his fingers onto the steering wheel in anticipation. Since almost four months he was going to university now and barely had been home. He missed his 15 year old brother and despite Keith denying it, he knew he was feeling the same. Keith had become awfully quiet over the last few weeks and Shiro could understand him. They had always been close, not like Keith and Dad who never had too much in common and being separated from his brother wasn’t easy for him either. Of course, Dad had reassured him they were alright and he shouldn’t worry about them and concentrate on his study instead but that was easier said than done._

_Therefore, he had decided to spend the weekend at home and with his brother than learning for midterms. It was supposed to be a surprise so he hadn’t called and announced his visit. He was excited as for what Keith would say._

_He parked the car in front of his home and jumped out grabbing his bag from the driver’s seat. Happily grinning, he ran inside. He tried not to make any noise when he closed the door behind him. Knowing his brother, Keith was probably in his room reading or polishing his knife collection._

_It was weirdly quiet and dark inside. Frowning, Shiro tried to remember if he’d seen his father’s car in the garage. After all, he didn’t work on Fridays, so he should be home. He went upstairs and was relieved to actually hear noises coming from Keith’s bedroom._

_He didn’t think about it any further and entered. But what he saw made him speechless._

_His father… Keith… He felt sick. With much effort he managed to suppress a gag. The sound of his brother crying snapped him out of his shocked state and he dropped the bag he’d been holding._

_This got his father’s - could he even keep calling him that?- attention. He pulled out of his brother and let go of his arms he’d pressed against the headboard. Keith whimpered in pain._

_“Shiro, I-“_

_“What do you think you’re doing?!” As fast as possible he positioned himself protectively in front of Keith. “Are you crazy?!”_

_“I can explain that, I-“_

_Keith cried louder and in this moment Shiro’s hit his father for the first time. He couldn’t believe it. He punched him again and again, anger burning deep inside his stomach. But it wasn’t enough and Keith was still sobbing. He had no idea what had been going on in here but he’d definitely seen enough._

_“Enough! I get that you’re mad but I’m still your father and you can’t-“, he tried to step towards the bed and lay his hand on the crying boy. Big mistake._

_“Out!”, Shiro screamed, dragged him rudely across the room and pushed him out of the door. He didn’t hear his father falling down the stairs and break his neck anymore, he was already too focused on Keith._

_His brother was laying on his stomach completely exposed and violently sobbing. Bruises were forming on his wrist already (Shiro didn’t want to think about the possibility of them already having been there before this afternoon) and he recognized blood on the sheets. Instantly, he grabbed a blanket and wrapped him up in it. Keith flinched violently at the touch and tried to scramble away from him. Shiro pressed him against his chest whispering reassuringly into his ear. “It’s okay, you’re going to be alright!”, he promised, “I’m here now! He’s not going to hurt you again.”_

_Keith was completely out of his mind and it took a lot of time until he’d stopped fighting Shiro and finally let himself be held. Shiro got out his phone to call the ambulance – for Keith, not his Dad. While he spoke with the woman on the phone, he kept rocking Keith back and forth stroking his hair and hushing him. When they were done asking questions, he hung up to concentrate fully on Keith again who was still barely responsive. “Keith, buddy, can you tell me how you feel? Are you in pain?”, he asked remembering what the girl on the phone had wanted to know._

_Keith nodded through the tears._

_“You are in pain?”_

_He confirmed by nodding again._

_“And can you tell me where it hurts?”_

_Apparently, this was the wrong thing to ask. He began to sob even harder and Shiro could answer the question himself. “It’s okay! Help is going to come soon!”, he reassured him tightening his grip._

_“’Kashi.”, he whispered, “You’re here.” New tears were streaming down his cheeks and he buried his face into the older boy’s Shirt._

_“Yes, I am! And I’m sorry I wasn’t here before but I’m not going to leave again, okay? I won’t leave you ever again, I promise!” And in this very moment, Shiro knew he was going to keep this promise whatever this would mean. He couldn’t see himself going back to university, hell, right now he couldn’t even see himself leaving the room without his brother in his arms._

_He wondered if his Dad was still downstairs or if he’d left for good. Certain was only, that he wouldn’t let him get near his brother ever again. He couldn’t understand how he’d been able to do this! After all, Keith was his son! They might not be related by blood but he was the only father Keith ever had! And why had he never touched Shiro but only Keith? Had this been going on for long? Why had he never noticed anything before?_

_He cradled Keith in his arms stroking his back. He felt the younger boy burying his head into his chest holding onto him tightly._

_Shiro didn’t know how to handle the situations and what he was supposed to say to his traumatized brother so he mostly rambled nonsense while they waited for the ambulance. He sighed in relieve when he finally heard the sirens._

_When the ambulance entered the house, they didn’t come upstairs right away. Later, Shiro found out that they had to record the death of his father. Up to this day, he couldn’t bring himself to be sad or feel overly guilty about it though._

_The paramedics asked a lot of things and Keith answered none of them. Shiro could feel his brother’s cheeks burning at all the embarrassing questions and let him hide his face into his Shirt. He probably wouldn’t like to talk about these things either, especially in front of his brother._

_They brought Keith into the hospital, more to perpetuate evidence than because of medical issues. At first, they wouldn’t allow him to be in the same room while his brother was examined but Keith refused to let go of his wrist at all and even started to scream when the doctors tried to separate them._

_In the end, they let him stay. For the intimate part they covered him anyway. Keith didn’t say a word the whole time and it made Shiro crazy. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He barely heard what the doctors said and most of the things they wanted to know from him, he had no idea about either. The only thing he knew was that he wasn’t going to let go of the younger boy’s hand any time soon._

_The doctors weren’t the only one’s that had a lot of questions. Just before Shiro was allowed to take Keith home with him, the police came. They almost arrested Shiro when Keith wasn’t able to immediately confirm his story. Fortunately, the doctors jumped in explaining Keith was too much in shock to tell them much right now but affirmed the younger boy’s injuries matched with Shiro’s statement._

_Keith later told him that he couldn’t remember much about this afternoon. The only thing that had stayed with him was the feeling of being paralyzed by shock and overload._

_Shiro felt torn apart by the need to stay at his brother’s side and the wish to spare Keith further traumatic experiences by leaving the hospital room to answer the detective’s questions. He offered Keith to bring him to his boyfriend, Adam which whom his brother got along well enough to stay there for an hour or two. This way he could go to the police station to write his report but the younger boy clung onto his arm refusing to let go off him._

_Ultimately, they gave up. They saw none of the brothers were in any state to concentrate on their investigation right now. The responsible detective ordered Shiro not to leave the city and come to the station the next day. Finally, they were allowed to leave._

_One of the doctors had given Keith a light sedative to help him relax and his legs were barely working so Shiro called a taxi before he carried Keith outside who was only wearing the thin hospital gown and the taller boy’s huge jacket. Unfortunately, Shiro had forgotten to bring along clothes._

_Shiro couldn’t bring himself to tell the driver to take them home. He couldn’t force Keith to spend the night in the house his father had raped him in, he simply couldn’t. Not to mention that the police and forensics probably still were in there. Instead, he asked for the nearest motel._

_Somehow, he managed to organize a phone charger, some boxer shorts and a tank top Keith could wear to bed and get his brother under a hot shower in the motel. It was the first time in hours he let go of the younger boy’s hand. It felt wrong and made him seriously uncomfortable. Nevertheless, he knew he had to give Keith his private sphere._

_When Keith didn’t come out of the bathroom in longer than thirty minutes, Shiro carefully knocked onto the door before he entered. Keith didn’t answer him when he called and his fear he might’ve slipped or passed out or something grew. “Buddy, I’m standing right next to the shower.”, he stated, “I’m going to draw back the curtain now, okay?” He didn’t get an answer so he hesitantly reached out for the shower curtain._

_Keith was sitting on the ground, head buried into his knees. The water had gone cold by now and he was sobbing frantically, the noises drowned out by the rushing water._

_Quickly, Shiro cut off the stream cowering in front of the younger boy with a towel in his hands. “Hey, buddy. You okay? Can you look at me? Are you hurt?”_

_Keith shook his head and Shiro hoped it was the answer to the third question. “Okay, I’ll pick you up and dry you off now, okay?” This time, instead of an answer the younger boy reached out for him. Shiro wasted no time to wrap him into the towel and lift him up. Keith shivered terribly and he quickly brought him to bed where he could wrap him into half a dozen covers (as a matter of prudence, he had asked for several ones instead of just two). He stroked back the wet strands of Keith’s dark hair cradling his head. He’d laid him down in a way that allowed him to place his brother’s head into his lap and prop him up a little._

_Keith looked at him through shiny eyes, tracks of tears still showing on his cheeks. He looked like he was searching for words to explain and honestly, Shiro really wanted to understand what was happening here right now but even more he wanted Keith to recover. “Get some rest, buddy. We’re going to talk about everything tomorrow. We’ll get you through this somehow, okay?”_

_With an exhausted nod, Keith closed his eyes and finally nodded off. Even in his sleep he wouldn’t let go of Shiro’s hand and if the younger boy almost broke his wrist when he tossed and turned during the night due to nightmares torturing him, he didn’t mention it the next day._


	13. Chapter 13

When Keith entered school, something was off. Everyone stared at him, a few laughed, others had looks of pity on their face but most didn’t seem to know how to behave and averted their eyes as soon as Keith looked at them.

He pushed his hands further into his pockets marching towards his classroom. He tried not to think of his classmate’s weird behavior when a few of them shoved each other as they noticed him. Whatever they were on about, he probably didn’t want to know anyway.

Except that it was beginning to bother him. An older boy paused in front of him with a raised eyebrow. He had this judging disparagingly expression on his face that made Keith want to punch him in the eye, and hard. Just before he was to act on this impulse, a tall girl with dark skin and silky long white hair put herself in front of him. “Do we have a problem here?”, she asked with an authority in her voice that reminded him on Shiro.

The boy shrugged turning away. Obviously the affair wasn’t worth a fight with her.

“Are you okay?”, she turned towards him, “My name’s Allura by the way.”

Keith gaped at the hand she’d extended for him to shake. Had everyone gone crazy today? Lance. He had to find Lance. He might be able to tell him what was going on here. Without another word, he’d turned around and went into the direction of the chemistry rooms knowing that Lance and Hunk had their first course here.

But partway Lance came running towards him already, his face dark red and a paper in his hand. Now that Keith thought about it, he’d seen suspiciously many pupils with sheets of papers in their hands. As soon as Lance took notice of him, he crumbled the piece of paper and hastily tucked it away.

Hunk and Pidge were following him. Katie looked absolutely furious and Keith had no doubt that she would kill whoever was dumb enough to get in her way right now. Hunk, on the other hand had tears in his eyes.

Okay, now he was worried. “Lance, what’s going on?”

“You haven’t heard?”, the look on the Cuban boy’s face shocked him. He had never seen this torn look between extreme concern and bloodlust on him. The only one he had ever seen wearing this expression had been Shiro when he’d found the man that used to pretend to be his father on top of him.

“What is going on?”, he repeated his question hating how small his voice sounded. He looked from Lance to Pidge, then to Hunk and back to Lance.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here immediately!”, Lance said determined grabbing the younger boy’s arm unceremoniously and beginning to drag him towards the door. Hunk nodded in agreement and Pidge glared at everybody that dared to so much as glance at Keith.

“Lance-“

“Later. Trust me.”

Completely confused Keith let himself be dragged towards the exit.

However, that only worked until they bumped into Lotor and his friends. “I told you, you’d regret it!”, he hissed with a pleased grin on his face.

Keith didn’t even have the chance to ask what exactly he’d done. Lance had heard him and this was enough to have him let go of Keith’s arm and put himself in front of him. The murderous expression on his features made even Pidge shrink back from him a few steps.

“ _You_ were that?!”

Lotor grinned and with one hit Lance broke his fake teeth. Pidge looked like they were about to jump in on the fight while Hunk tried to shield Keith a little from the crowd that began to gather around them and the fighting boys. Within seconds it was so loud, Keith was barely able to make out the insults that Lance and Lotor screamed at each other in between the punches.

Searching for a way to get out of there, his eyes fell onto the sheet of paper that had fallen out of Lance’s bag. It was the one he’d been holding when he had seen Keith and looked similar to the one’s everyone around him seemed to have.

The people cornering him seemed so focused on the fight that nobody noticed Keith grabbing the paper and beginning to read. He froze. Keith could feel all color drain from his face and the ground coming closer. He stumbled and then run.

He could hear someone calling after him and a laugh – probably from Lotor - that quickly turned into a pain-filled moan. However, none of this could stop him. He sped up not caring the least where he was going. At one point, he must’ve crossed a street because he could hear cars braking and blaring. A cyclist screamed at him but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Too late he realized that the man didn’t tell him to slow down but warned him about the quickly approaching bus from the left. All air was pressed out of him when the bus hit him and swirled him around. The terrifying sound of his ribs cracking reached his ears, right before his head hit the ground and he lost consciousness.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Guys, where is Keith?”, Lance asked after he and Lotor got separated forcefully and wiped away the blood from his nose.

Pidge and Hunk looked around but the dark haired boy was nowhere to be seen. _Fuck_! Lotor grinned at them triumphantly and it made Lance almost forget that Keith had vanished and leap at him again. To Lotor’s luck, one of the teachers, Mr Coran - if Lance remembered correctly – held him back directing the three of them into the direction of Kolivan’s office.

 _Not again!_ Pidge groaned. They had better things to do right now than to deal with their school’s policy. Lotor had deserved every hit Lance’d delivered  and more! The only thing important right now, was to find Keith. Was he still in school? Probably not. She at least would’ve run away from every breathing human being in the locality of twenty miles that might _know_. But where would he run? She didn’t know too much about Keith despite hanging out with him quiet often. Maybe Lance had an idea. She glanced at the Cuban boy.

Lance looked frightening. His cheeks were still reddened by a furious flush but his eyes were just as shiny as Hunks. He was biting on his lips so hard he drew blood. He felt guilty. It was his fault Lotor had been picking on Keith in the first place and well, the paper had revealed what an idiot he’d been when he’d agreed to come home with Keith for the first time. He had been so stupid! No wonder Keith had freaked out!

“Lance, where would Keith go?”, Pidge next to him asked.

“I have no i-“

“Come in!”, Kolivan ordered with a serious expression on his face passing them on his way into his office.

“What are we doing with Keith?”, Hunk asked. “We can’t just-“, he gestured at the office.

“I know. Let’s hurry, okay? We gotta call Shiro!”

Lotor was already waiting in the cramped office. Blood was dripping from his split lip and he now had two black eyes. One from Keith’s punch a week ago that was already fading and a new one from Lance. Another angry bruise was already forming on his jaw and when one looked more closely one could see Lance’s fingers outline on his face. Lance noticed this with great satisfaction.

“Care to explain how you got into your second fist fight this month, Mr McClain?” For the first time, the dark serious expression on his class teacher’s face didn’t scare Lance off.

“Didn’t you hear from the others?”, Pidge asked before he had the chance to do so.

“What others?”, Kolivan wanted to know with a frown on his face.

Pidge huffed, “Everyone.”

Kolivan looked quizzically from Lance to Lotor and back. It was obvious he was waiting for an explanation.

Lance really didn’t feel comfortable revealing Keith’s past to another one, he really didn’t. But it was only a question of time before Kolivan found out and with him the rest of the school that didn’t know yet. He reached into his back to get out the paper only to find it gone. _Great_! So, Keith knew for sure now.

“Wait, I have another.” As soon as Pidge had realized what this sheet was about, she had begun to collect the papers _someone_ had spread all throughout the school. Well, at least they came in handy right now. She got out one of the offending pages and handed them over to Kolivan while glaring at a grinning Lotor. She was going to destroy him.

Kolivan read the sheet with a frown. For a few minutes it was completely silent. “Is this real?”

“It appears so, sir.”

“And you”, he looked at Lotor, “you published this?”

“Even if I did, that’s not illegal now, is it?”, the boy smiled innocently.

The other three turned to look at Kolivan. Lotor would be punished, right? He had to!

Kolivan looked at the paper thoughtfully. “Well, disseminating information isn’t forbidden but you did far more than that. You humiliated one of your classmates, provoked a fight, caused a turmoil and it’s against the data protection act. And if nothing else takes effect, we can label this as child pornography. I won’t let this slide, Lotor!”

The friends exhaled in relieve. 

“You still got to prove I have something to do with this, then.”, Lotor crossed his arms in front of his chest smirking.

Hunk held Pidge back just in time to keep her from leaping at the blonde boy.

“Believe me, we will.”, Kolivan’s face was dark and his expression absolutely frightening. Even Lotor had to swallow but masked it quickly by another grin. “As for you, I assume this is the reason for attacking Lotor.”, he turned towards Lance who nodded. “Well, I obviously can’t tell you I approve of your actions. I am your teacher. I can’t, however, tell you I condemn you for it either. That would be a lie.”

None of them was too sure what this was supposed to mean but they didn’t exactly have the time to figure it out. “Sir, we got to find Keith!”, Lance spoke up.

“Where is Mr Kogane?”

“I saw him running away weeping like a baby. He probably left the campus, isn’t that forbidden too?”, Lotor grinned.

“Hush! I don’t want to hear anything from you!”, Kolivan ordered, “Do you have any idea where he might go?”

“No, but we have to find him!”, Pidge stated determined and Hunk nodded in agreement. They were about to leave already but Kolivan held them back.

“The lesson begun 15 minutes ago, I can’t allow you to leave the campus too.”, he said sternly.

“But-“

“But if you happen to be too upset about the whole deal to participate in lesson, I could send you to the secretary that can sign you out. What you do after you leave the campus is none of my business.”

Lotor gaped, “That’s forbidden! Wait until my father-“

“Didn’t I tell you to keep quiet?”, Kolivan glared nodding at the others, “We will talk about the fight another time. And I have to call Keith’s brother, I can’t keep this from him.”

The three nodded and with a last glare at Lotor they hurried out of the room. “Where shall we start?”, Pidge asked turning towards Lance.

“I suggest, we go into the direction of his house. If we don’t find him on the way, we continue until we get to my home and get the car. We take it from there.”

The other two nodded in agreement. “What’s with Shiro? Maybe he could help. He’s probably the only one who knows what we’re actually dealing with.”, Hunk asked.

“We see if he’s still at home when we get there.” Lance said.

“Let’s go, then!”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, guys, I'm finally done. I'll probably post them during the next few days.

Keith regained conscious in the ambulance. Well, one could barely talk about consciousness. He didn’t manage to open his eyes and the few shreds of the conversation he heard made his head almost explode in pain. And they didn’t even make sense. He groaned.

“Mr…? Are you…? ... -ou tell me… -r… -ame?”

It only took a minute until everything went black again.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Lance, Pidge and Hunk stormed towards the house. They banged at the door hoping that Shiro or maybe even Keith would open up. Indeed, the door was ripped open and the older man was revealed. Shiro had his phone in the hand and looked completely done. “Yes, of course, I’m coming immediately!”, he said before he hung up. “Hey, guys. I’m sorry I have no time. Keith is in hospital.”

“What?”, Lance’s heart sank into his boots.

“Yeah. I have no idea how this happened.”, Shiro ran his hands through his hair in obvious distress, “I mean, I just dropped him off at school and the next moment, I get a call from the hospital telling me they found his ID and he was hit by a bus three streets away from the campus.”

The three glanced at each other. So, Kolivan hadn’t called yet.

“But what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in school?”

“We’re here because of Keith.”, Pidge blurted out, “We were searching for him.”

Shiro looked even more confused now.

“Something happened. In school, I mean.”, Lance said, “We’ll tell you everything on the way to the hospital, okay?”

“Fine, get in!” the older man ordered and the friends squeezed into the car. Shiro’s driving style was truly terrifying. Lance wondered if it was always like this or only when he was in fear of Keith. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but feel relieved that they weren’t going to take three-quarters of an hour to get to the hospital like this. Hunk didn’t look as happy as him and Lance really hoped his best friend wouldn’t get motion sick right now.

In between all the screaming because of Shiro’s recklessly driving, they barely managed to fill Shiro in. Only when they’d reached the hospital, announced their visit by the secretary and were ordered to take a seat in the waiting room, Pidge had the time to get out the report and hand it to Shiro.

Lance, Pidge and Hunk looked at each other worriedly while Shiro read the sheet. When he was done, tears glistened in his eyes. Lance couldn’t help but wonder if they were tears of sadness or angry ones since otherwise, his face betrayed no emotion. “Where did you get that?”, he asked finally.

“Papers like that were lying all over school. We tried to collect them but there were too many and we couldn’t do anything to keep the others from reading it.”, Pidge said uncharacteristically quiet.

“So, is it true?”, Hunk asked.

Three pairs of eyes were directed at the older man expectantly.

Shiro sighed, “It’s on Keith to tell you about that. But since you already know, there will surely be no damaged caused if I tell you that it’s indeed true. Our father raped Keith and I killed him.”, he buried his head into his hands, “This was six months ago. After the investigation was over, I wanted to get him out of there. It was a small town and of course, everyone got wind of it or heard at least rumors. It was unbearable for him. Not to mention that it was impossible for him to sleep in his own room again after what happened in there.”

The friends looked down with dismay.

“And now everyone in school knows about it?”, he sounded so unbelievably tired.

They nodded.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t stop it.”, Lance murmured.

Shiro’s gaze softened a little. “It’s not your fault. I know you did your best and I’m very grateful for it.”

 _It was the least I could do_ , Lance thought. He felt terrible for ever laying hand on Keith. If he simply hadn’t let his hormones win the upper hand, he could’ve spared Keith another horrible experience! Why had he been so stupid? He’d known better, after all.

“Do you know who’s responsible for these reports?”, the older one asked.

“Lotor. We- we got into a fight when we tried to get Keith out of the building. It was his revenge for the fight last week.”, Lance explained, “Kolivan knows. He said they have to prove it yet but he will be punished for what he did. Not that anything could make up for what he did.”

“I’ll kill that damn bastard!”, Shiro stated.

“I’d love to see that!”, Pidge agreed and the other two nodded.

“Takashi Shirogane!”, he was called up by a nurse.

“Here!”, he jumped up and the three did the same. “How is my brother?”

“He has a severe concussion, two broken ribs and a lot of bruises and scratches all over his body but he’ll be okay. He was extremely lucky the bus wasn’t faster otherwise he probably wouldn’t have survived. I’m sorry, but I have to ask you this; has your brother been suicidal in the past?”, the nurse looked at her clipboard, a pen in her hand to write down whatever she was hoping to find out from Shiro.

The older boy looked shocked. “Do you think he tried to kill himself?”

Lance’s heart sank. _Oh god, no!_

“Well, we don’t know. But he ran across the street directly in front of a bus in broad daylight. One of the passers-by even screamed at him to stop. We could see no reason as to why he would overlook a _bus_.”, the nurse explained.

“He was really upset when he left the school.”, Lance said more to himself than to the others, “I’m sure it was an accident. Lotor said he was crying and when he paid no attention to the traffic…”

Shiro nodded clinging to Lance’s words. “Can I see him, now?”

“Yes, he’ll wake up soon. But only one visitor at once.”, she said looking at the teenagers that nodded.

As much as he wanted to see Keith, Lance wasn’t sure he was ready to face him yet. He felt too guilty and he had to figure out what to say to him beforehand.

“I’ll tell you as soon as I get new information. You are good friends!”, Shiro told them before he quickly followed the nurse.

“You good, Lance?”, Hunk asked laying his hand onto his shoulder.

He nodded. It was a lie.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shiro entered as quietly as possible. His legs trembled and he couldn’t remember his knees ever having felt so weak. He had to hold himself up by the door frame as he tried to brace himself for what he was to see.

Keith looked so small in the huge queen-sized bed surrounded by loud beeping machines and all the wires that lead to the bed. He seemed so much younger. His fringe was combed back and for the first time in what felt like forever, he could see his forehead. The paleness of his skin was alarming, only on his cheeks had a rosy flush but it didn’t look healthy. He squinted. It almost looked like he had a temperature.

“He has a  reaction to one of the medicaments we gave him. It’s not too unusual and nothing major but we keep an eye on it.”, the nurse explained when she noticed his look.

“How high is his fever?”

“101.8 degrees.”

He nodded.

“Depending on how he feels when he wakes up you can take him home with you. We’d like to keep him overnight but at the moment we’re pretty overcrowded thus he’ll probably get better care at home than he will here.”

Shiro nodded. “I want to take him home as soon as possible.”

“He needs someone to have an eye on him for at least 48 hours. He should stay in bed. He’ll feel dizzy and weak and maybe even nauseous. Loud noises, bright lights and stress are to avoid at all costs.”, she told him, “Hopefully his fever will go down within the next two days. I’ll leave you to it then.”

Shiro thanked her and sat down on the edge of the bed grabbing his brother’s pale hand while she left the room. He felt as awful as Keith looked right now. It was his fault. He was responsible for his brother. He had promised himself not to let anything happen to Keith but again, he found himself in a hospital room and his brother in a white gown passed out in a hospital bed. Why had he ever let him go to this school? How come he hadn’t threatened Lotor to leave Keith alone like he usually would’ve done? Why had he ever let him out of sight?

And what should happen now? He couldn’t ask Keith to go into this school again. And it wasn’t only the school. It was _the_ _people_. The people that knew and would gossip and spread the story and stare at Keith wherever they went. They’d never let him forget or live on and even if Keith would be able or willing to deal with it, Shiro certainly wasn’t. The thought of Keith being exposed and vulnerable like that every day broke his heart into thousands of pieces and made his eyes swim.

Would they have to move again? Or would it be enough when they got Keith a house teacher and they started to shop groceries online? He was sure, Matt would explain how this worked if he asked him.

“Takashi?” A weak voice called him interrupting his line of thought. He jumped blinking the tears in his eyes away quickly.

“Hey, buddy.”, he smiled squeezing his hand in the hope Keith would overhear the slight tremble in his voice.

“Shiro.”, he let his head fall back against the pillows in obvious relieve. “You’re here.”

It remembered Shiro of what Keith had said almost six months ago in a hospital bed like this. He clenched his hands into fists. “Of course, I am, buddy. Where else would I be?”

Keith shrugged not knowing the answer himself. “What happened?”, he asked instead. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t get a grip on his memory and the harder he tried, the more his headache increased.

“You were hit by a bus.”, Shiro answered. He didn’t know just how much exactly Keith didn’t remember and he wasn’t planning on reminding him of what else had happened. “Do you know where you are?”

Keith looked around. “Looks like a hospital.”, he stated.

“That’s right, buddy.”, he smiled, “You have a concussion, a few broken ribs and a lot of bruises. The fever comes from a reaction to the medication but it should go away soon.”

 _Well, that explained a lot._ “Err, neat?” What else was he supposed to say? Shiro looked at him like he was expecting something, some kind of explanation that he couldn’t give him. Maybe an apology? He was just about to open his mouth but Shiro was quicker.

“I need to ask you something, okay?”

He nodded. Huge mistake. His head hurt like a bitch and he failed in the attempt to bite back a moan. Immediately, Shiro bent forward to examine him. “I’m good!”, he quickly reassured him.

The older boy sighed. “Okay. What I need to ask you is incredibly important and whatever you’re going to answer, it’s all right, okay? I’m not going to be mad or anything, I just need to know.”, Keith looked at him expectantly, “The nurse said it looks like you might’ve tried to kill yourself. Is that what happened, Keith? Were you- Couldn’t you live with it anymore?”

“What?”, Keith sat up. A little too quickly it appeared since his head began to swim. “No, of course not!” Why would Shiro even suggest something like that? Keith would never do that to him!

“Keith… it would be okay if you did it. There’s nothing we can’t deal with. You know, you can tell me everything, right?”

_‘_

_Well, at least I know you keep saying that._ “Shiro, I didn’t try to kill myself, it was an accident – I think. I mean, I don’t remember but I know I would never do that and I’m not depressed or whatever either.” It was true. He was everything else but not depressed. At least he thought so.

“Okay.”, All tension left Shiro’s body at this information and he exhaled in relieve. “Okay, that’s good.”, he smiled. “How are you feeling otherwise?”

“Err, neat?”

“You always say ‘neat’ when you lie.”, he stroked over his brother’s bandaged head carefully.

“I feel like I was hit by a bus.”, he answered truthfully making the older boy snort.

“Come here!”, Shiro scooted closer to him wrapping his arm around his shoulder. Keith leaned into him and let his head rest onto the older one’s shoulder. In his defense, he really felt awful. “You’re going to feel better soon.”, Shiro promised and not for the first time, Keith wondered if his brother could read minds.

“When can I get out of here?”, he asked.

“That’s the Keith I know.”, Shiro smiled ruffling his hair carefully, “I guess, I can take you home in a few hours. I’ll make sure you don’t have to stay the night, okay, bud?”

Keith nodded. “I hate hospitals.”

“I know.”, he squeezed the younger boy’s arm in sympathy. “Oh, I almost forgot. Your friends are waiting outside. They were searching for you when I was on my way here. Do you want to see them?”

Keith’s face fell as he suddenly _remembered_. Too late Shiro realized that this had been the wrong thing to say. _Neat_!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting the last chapter twice. I already corrected my mistake.

“Sorry, guys. He’s really not feeling well and he’s absolutely _mortified_ by you knowing.”, Shiro told the disappointed teenagers that had now waited almost two hours to see Keith. He really felt sorry for them but he could also understand Keith. It had taken weeks until his little brother had been able to look him into the eye again and even longer until he managed to speak about it at all.

“Of course, we understand.”, Hunk hurried to say.

None of them were lucky about the situation but they all had sympathy for Keith and maybe it wasn’t the worst to wait a little longer until everything had cooled off and settled down a bit.

“I spoke with Matt a few minutes ago. He comes to pick us up.”, Pidge explained, “Tell Keith to get better and that we’re here if he wants to talk or something.”

“Yeah, and if you need help or someone to get meds or soup, just give me a call! My Mum really makes great chicken soup.”, Lance offered, “Just, could you do me a favor maybe and ask Keith if he’s angry at me?”

Shiro frowned. “Why would he be angry at you?”

Hunk glanced at him with a look that said, ‘I told you not to ask this!’ Lance really should know better by now than to ignore his best friend. “I, err, you see-“, he stuttered, “when we met – for the first time, I mean – I made a few stupid jokes that I really feel like I should apologize for now, you see.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sure he won’t want to be treated differently now that you know but I’ll make sure to ask him.”

“Thank you.”, Lance said.

“We’ll come over sometime when he feels better.”, Hunk added.

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. Thank you, guys!”, Shiro smiled before he turned around and quickly made his way back to his brother’s room.

Keith was lying on his side his back facing the door and his head was buried into the pillow. It was the same position he’d been in before Shiro had left. He sat down carefully onto the edge of the bed. “They’re away now. They asked me to tell you to get better soon and if you need something, you can call them.”, he smiled, “They were very understanding. Also, Lance wanted me to ask you if you were mad at him?”

Keith flinched. He knew what Lance was on about and he really, really didn’t want to have Shiro find out now.

“He said he made some stupid jokes when you met for the first time. Is that true?”

Keith shrugged. If he was too enthusiastic about agreeing Shiro would suspect something.

“Okay, well you don’t have to talk about it. It just surprised me you never mentioned anything. If Lance found it noteworthy, whatever he said probably wasn’t overly friendly.” It didn’t surprise him one bit, Keith had kept silent about it. He wasn’t stupid and Keith would never tell him if someone was mean to him. What was new, however, was the fact he became friends with someone who had made fun of him.

Again, Keith shrugged.

 _Great conversation_. “We’re going to figure something out, buddy.”, he promised patting his leg awkwardly. What else was he supposed to say?

“You keep telling me that.”, Keith muttered not sounding too convinced.

“I know.”, he sighed, “How about I try to get us a doctor that signs your discharge papers and we get you home before we do anything else?”, Shiro offered.

Keith nodded curling in on himself even further.

Shiro turned around one last time before he left. “I love you, Keith. And nothing can change that.” Like expected, he got no reaction. He hoped nevertheless Keith would take took note of it and that it actually meant something to him. Sighing, he left.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“Lance, you can’t feel guilty because of that. You don’t even know why he asked this from you and if that has anything to do with that.”

“But he freaked out!”, Lance contradicted, “Hunk, he kicked and screamed at me like I was trying to rape him! And I knew there was something wrong in the beginning. The way he approached me was too weird and he never got even remotely hard! I mean, we made out for like fifteen minutes and I was about to explode!”

“Eww! Too much information!”, Pidge exclaimed, “And I’m still mad at you for not telling me right away!”

“Would you have wanted to know?”

“No, but you would’ve needed someone to tell you not to be a dick-driven idiot and keep your hands off Keith!”

“You’ve got a point there.”, the Cuban boy admitted burying his head into his hands.

They were sitting in his room surrounded by dirty pieces of clothing, candy wrappers, school books and containers with beauty products. Hunk and Lance sat on the ground leaning against the footboard of the bed while Pidge was spinning on his desk chair scowling at the boys whenever she came to face them.

“You couldn’t know it! Going home with a stranger to have Sex with him might not have been your brightest idea but you couldn’t _know_!”, Hunk laid his hand on Lance’s back, “You immediately stopped when he asked you to and that’s what counts. You showed him that you aren’t like that and even gained his trust!”

“You know what I still don’t get, guys? Why would Keith ask Lance to have Sex with him even though he wasn’t actually interested in it?”

The two shrugged. Both of them had already pondered about this several times and never came to an actual answer. “What if he wanted it and later then realized he wasn’t ready for it?”, Hunk suggested not sounding too convinced by his own idea.

“I don’t think he wanted it right from the very start. Like, he might’ve actually enjoyed the kissing but that was more of a pleasant side effect that actually surprised himself. At the beginning, I thought he was only inexperienced or nervous. Thinking of it, he probably was too, but at no point he got hard!”

“I don’t understand. Why would one force themselves into Sex? Especially when one has such a past?” Pidge asked.

“I don’t know either. Do you think I can ask Keith after it when he feels better?”

“Depends.”, Hunk said making Lance look up at him quizzically.

“On what?”

“Do you love him?”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“How are you feeling?”

“This is the twentieth time now that you asked me this.”, Keith complained crossing his arms in front of his chest. It really was. He’d counted.

“Sorry.”, Shiro paused to adjust the blanket that he’d found -by pure chance, of course- in the trunk of his car, “But honestly, how-“

Either Keith got better in tuning out his brother’s fussing or he’d blacked out again. With a severe concussion, this was to happen at times.

Half an hour ago, they had gotten Keith’s papers of dismissal and Shiro had wasted no time to get him out of there. Of course, only after receiving very strict instructions and prescriptions that Shiro promised to make good on.

The next thing Keith knew was that Shiro put him into a wheelchair and brought him outside where he placed him into the car and got out a heavy blanket that he wrapped around his shoulders.

Shiro drove so slowly the other cars passed them honking but he wouldn’t let himself get worked up. He never did when Keith was with him in the car. Gently, he reached over to stroke the younger boy’s soft strands when he remembered something the nurse had said. “You’re not feeling sick, do you?”

If he was honest, Keith indeed felt a little nauseous. He remembered darkly having thrown up in the ambulance so there couldn’t be much left in his stomach. He didn’t feel like he was about to vomit any minute either now, so he choose not to say anything about it. No reason to worry Shiro even more. “I’m good.”, he promised. They would be home soon enough anyway.

Shiro looked like he didn’t believe him but kept silent about it.

When they finally arrived, Shiro opened the door for him and pulled him into his arms. Despite the younger boy’s protest, he carried him inside where he laid him down onto the couch in the living room.

„You stay here! I’ll get you your Pajama and blankets. Then, we’ll take your temperature and you drink some tea and-“

But Keith had jumped up before Shiro could finish and stormed past the older boy out of the room. Shiro carrying him had been the final straw for his stomach and now he really felt sick. He dashed towards the kitchen sink with trembling legs.

It took a moment until Shiro realized what was happening and quickly followed his brother just in time to see him double over and vomit into the sink. Right, he had forgotten about that. Quickly, he rushed to his side holding the younger boy up. “Shit!”, he cursed when he felt the heat radiating off of him and Keith’s legs giving out beneath him. He stroked his back reassuringly when Keith gagged and heaved again. He knew Keith was slightly emetophobic and this was everything but a nice experience for him.

When Keith was finally done, he let himself slide to the ground. Shiro who hadn’t seen that coming quickly pulled him upwards again and into his arms. He held onto him with one arm tucking him against his side thus he had one free hand to pour some water into a glass and hold it to his brother’s lips. “Drink.”, he ordered gently and for once Keith didn’t protest. “I thought you didn’t feel sick!”, he scolded carrying him back to the couch.

“I was okay.”, Keith mumbled, head lolling to his side.

Shiro could only shake his head. He got a bucket out of the small storeroom next to the living room placing it beside the sofa. “I’ve got to get a few things from upstairs. Will you be okay on your own?”

“I think I’ll manage for a few minutes!”, he said sarcastically but Shiro could see him fighting the urge to curl in on himself in order to protect his cramping stomach. He made a mental note to prepare the hot water bag before he ran off to get the supplies.

When he came back, Keith in the meanwhile had managed to get out of his shoes. It wasn’t a huge achievement but it had taken a lot of effort anyway. He raised an eyebrow at the huge pile of things in his brother’s arms. He would complain about Shiro making a fuss but he was too tired. If he was lucky, Shiro would leave him as soon as he was done with whatever he planned on doing. The chance was small but existent.

“Okay, let’s start with this.”, the older man said fishing out one of his jogging trousers and something that looked like one of Shiro’s tank tops from the pile. He kneeled in front of the couch and before Keith knew it his Shirt was pulled over his head.

“Shiro!”, he protested squirming, “I can do this myself.”

Sighing, the older boy stood up again and turned around to offer his little brother some privacy as he slipped out of his trousers. He knew Keith didn’t feel comfortable with undressing (in front of people, especially) ever since he’d gotten raped all those months ago. Even though it made him crazy not being able to do anything against it, he was determined to respect it and do his best not to make it weird for Keith.

Once Keith was done, Shiro hurried to cover his shivering brother with two heavy blankets and gently pressed the hot-water bottle against his stomach. “Better?”, he asked.

Keith nodded with closed eyes laying back into the pillows Shiro had placed behind his back. The light from outside was hurting his eyes and he wondered why the older boy hadn’t brought him upstairs and into his own room where he could draw the curtains at least. Still, the couch was comfortable and he was tired. He yawned.

“You can go to sleep in a minute, okay, buddy?”, Shiro got out the thermometer making Keith groan inwardly. “I want to take your temperature to make sure it didn’t rise.”, he explained the obvious. “Can you open your mouth for me?”

Keith let the older man slip the thermometer between his lips and waited for the beep. At least as long as Shiro was talking and fussing like this, he got enough distraction not to think of what happened today in school. That didn’t mean it didn’t annoy him though. At least, Shiro hadn’t freaked out completely yet.

“102.3”, Shiro stated finally, “It has gone up!”

Keith wanted to tell him that his temperature would go up too if someone decided to bury him under a heap of blankets while already having a fever and giving him a hot-water bag in addition but he kept himself from doing so in the last second. If Shiro realized his mistake, he might try to take the blankets away from him and Keith really did feel cold. He didn’t care if the thermometer said otherwise.

“I get you a cold compress.”, Shiro stated already jumping up again.

Keith, however, wasn’t having it. Just the thought about a cold wet cloth pressed against his forehead made him shiver uncontrollably. “Oh no, you won’t!”

“Leg compresses-“

“No!”

Shiro let himself fall onto the couch with a sigh. He knew he was fussing. He just couldn’t help it! Keith looked so weak and vulnerable and it reminded Shiro of how he’d been a few months ago. It was terrifying to see his baby brother like this, especially since he didn’t know how to help him. He was simply overchallenged with the situation and who wouldn’t be? During all these months he had never gotten Keith to open up about what happened. Instead, he’d watched him retreat even further into himself and completely failed to reach him. Now, he was facing pretty much the same problem again and he knew he had to be better this time. He couldn’t lose Keith! He just couldn’t! “Do you maybe want to talk?”, he asked carefully.

“No.”, he sighed exhaustedly, “Talking really is the last thing I want to do right now.”

Shiro couldn’t say he’d expected anything else. He only wasn’t sure what was the right reaction. Should he be more insistent? If he didn’t manage to get through to him this time, he wasn’t sure if he ever would. He was responsible for Keith after all!

He really doubted this was the right way though. Keith had never reacted well when under pressure and one of the main reasons they got along so well usually was that Shiro did his best not to act too authoritarian with him. He sighed. “I can’t force you to talk with me about what happened in school today just like I can’t force you to open up to me about what Dad did to you and how you actually feel but-“

“Damn right you can’t!”, Keith snapped. He hadn’t meant to get angry at his brother but it was simply too much. He felt cornered and he wasn’t able to get away from Shiro which he really wanted to do right now. As much as he hated school, it had been the only place where he had believed to be protected from being stared at and being pitied; where nobody had known and he could pretend to be an average student with an ordinary family and a normal past. People hadn’t looked at him and imagined him on all fours in front of the man he used to call father! They hadn’t called into question if the things he told the police were actually true or if he ‘just wanted attention’! Well, now they did and he had lost his last chance to get back a normal life.

Shiro didn’t get that. How could he? His brother had other problems and he didn’t claim to understand what Shiro was going through either. But what point was there to try and explain when there were no words to bring out this situation to anyone who hadn’t been through the same?

The only thing Keith wanted to do right now was to bury himself under the pile blankets and forget for as long as possible, no matter how childish this sounded. What he really couldn’t deal with right now was Shiro trying to get him to talk making him feel even more vulnerable. With everyone else, this would be easy. Keith never had a problem to tell people to go away and leave him alone. Only that Shiro had nowhere to go. His brother had given up pretty much everything for him; his father, their home and even his boyfriend. He had left everything behind for him. How could he tell him to leave him alone now?

He turned onto his side facing away from Shiro and hiding his face into the cushion

“Keith, I-“

“Please, just turn out the lights!”, he begged.

The older man sighed, “Of course.”

Keith felt relief wash over him when the lights were switched off and Shiro shut the curtains. It wasn’t completely dark in the room due to the light that came from the floor and the gap between the curtains but at least his head stopped throbbing. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shiro dropping down on the other end of the couch like a kicked puppy. Sighing, he pulled at his wrist signifying him to lay down next to him.

Immediately, Shiro lit up. He pressed against Keith who was still facing away from him but allowed Shiro to hug him from behind. The older man wanted to apologize but thought better of it. Keith had made more than clear he didn’t want to talk right now.

“Sleep well, buddy.”, he whispered instead.


	16. Chapter 16

Keith had known right from the very start that the next weeks would be hell but he hadn’t thought it would be _that_ bad. His ribs hurt whenever he moved or breathed and his head was pounding. Whenever light fell into the room or a loud noise was to be heard, the pain got almost unbearable and nausea threatened to overwhelm him. He still had a fever and was aching all over due to his sore muscles.

But the real problem was Shiro. It wasn’t easy to hide how much in pain he was but he had to if he didn’t want the older man to freak out on him constantly. If he’d thought the fussing had been bad before, it had developed to the maximum by now. Shiro was hovering over him the entire time, stroking his hair and coddling him. He probably would’ve been okay with it if Shiro wasn’t so pushy. The older man was frantically making sure he didn’t move at all. He insisted on holding the cup to his lips when he thought it was time for Keith to drink and spoon fed the soup to him he’d ordered. Whenever Keith tried to sit up, he gently pushed him back into a laying position again and told him to keep still so he wouldn’t hurt himself. What was probably the worst was the fact Shiro didn’t leave the living room at all anymore, nor did he sleep. The circles beneath his eyes grew immensely and Keith had no idea how to get him back to reality.

Keith managed to endure this a little longer than twenty-four hours which honestly was a miracle. Maybe it was solemnly the fact that he was too weak for the time being to kill his brother that saved Shiro’s live. It certainly was better not to think further about it. When Shiro tried to get him out of his trousers to change his clothes, it was finally enough.

He pushed the older boy’s hands away and stood up swaying. Shiro, absolutely shocked by his brother’s actions, held Keith up by his upper arm. “What are you doing?! You’re not supposed to stand up!”

Keith shoved his brother away passing him. He ignored the dizziness and the fact that he was barely able to stand nor breath like this and blinked away the dark spots dancing in front of his eyes. Secretly, he felt for the phone he had sneaked into his pocket when Shiro had started to act like an overly concerned mother hen. Fortunately, his brother hadn’t remembered to take his smartphone out of his jacket pocket. “I need to pee, okay? I’m going to the bathroom!”, he lied through clenched teeth. There was only one person he could think of to call. Well, actually two but Shiro surely wouldn’t react well if Adam would turn up at their doorstep.

“Keith, you can barely stand! You know, you could use the bucket-“

“Shiro!”

“Fine, at least let me carry you! I will look away-“

“ _Shiro_!”

They had reached the bathroom and Shiro still tried to keep him from entering. Keith barely had the strength to push past him but somehow managed. He closed the door right into his brother’s face taking himself a second to breathe freely.

He turned on the water faucet before he carefully sat down on the toilet seat and got out his phone. He had the phone number of the Holt’s house and quickly dialed it with shivering fingers. Great, he was having the chills again.

“Hello?”, he immediately recognized Matt’s voice. Thank god!

“Matt? It’s me, Keith.”

“Keith! I heard about the incident! I’m really sorry-“

“Yeah, thank you. Listen, I need you here! It’s Shiro, he is-“, he was interrupted by his brother knocking at the door.

“Keith! Are you okay? Do you need help?” He groaned inwardly.

“I’m alright.”, Keith called despite his ribs protesting and his ears ringing at the loud sound. God, he wanted to die!

“Keith?”, he heard Matt asking on the other end of the line. “Is that Shiro? Everything’s okay with the two of you?”

“He is completely freaking out! He doesn’t sleep! He refuses to eat or drink and he takes me the air to breath. I don’t know what to do with him! I know I’m asking much of you but could you maybe come over? It was hard enough already to get past him and into the bathroom to call you and I’m really getting desperate here! He simply won’t listen to me!”, he told Matt in a rush. If he took much longer Shiro would knock down the walls.

“I’m on my way!”, Matt stated and Keith sighed in relieve, “I’ll do my best to make him listen.”

“Thank you.”, he said before he hung up and put the phone back into his pocket. He turned off the water and unlocked the door where Shiro was already waiting, scooped him up into his arms and brought him back to the couch.

“You really shouldn’t stand up, buddy. You’re only hurting yourself. We think of something so you don’t have to stand up every time you have to use the bathroom.”

“You’re overdoing it, Shiro!”, Keith protested.

Shiro shook his head covering him with a blanket again, “You’re shivering again. I’ll reheat your hot-water bag!”, he stated making his way to the open plan kitchen that was adjacent to the living room.

Hopefully, Matt would come soon.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Pidge! Lance! I just spoke to Keith.” Immediately, he had the attention of the two younger teenagers on him. “Shiro is driving him completely nuts and he asked me to come over. I guess you two want to come along?”

Lance nodded frantically jumping up. Pidge followed a little slower but not less determined. They both hadn’t heard anything of Keith since he’d been brought into the hospital yesterday and Shiro had sent them home. Of course, they knew about the concussion, the broken ribs and the fever but other than that they had no idea how Keith felt or thought about the whole incident.

Lance had come over to distract himself originally. For the same reason, he had spent the night at Hunk’s and played with the kids of his oldest sister the whole afternoon before he’d called Pidge and asked her if she wanted to watch a movie. The prospect of seeing Keith now brought him new hope and he hurried to get his jacket.

“Slow down, Romeo!”, Matt called, “Juliette is not going to run away from you. He sounded pretty awful.”

Pidge grinned despite her concern. “I wonder what Shiro would say if he knew what questionable intentions you have with his brother!”

Lance blushed hoping she wouldn’t repeat this in front of Shiro. “Let’s go!”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Keith covered his ears when the doorbell rang. Had the bell always been that loud? He couldn’t remember. Shiro stroked his hair soothingly before he stood up promising to be back as soon as possible. He closed the door behind him so the noise and the light wouldn’t hurt his head. Keith was thankful for that but at the same time he wanted to know what Matt would tell his brother.

It took two, maybe three minutes until Shiro returned with Matt and to his huge shock also Pidge and Lance in tow. Before he could say anything to his friends, Shiro spoke up with a puzzled expression on his face. “You called Matt?”

“You haven’t slept in more than 36 hours.”, he stated with a raised eyebrow, “Nor eaten for that matter.”

“I have to take care of you!”, the older man argued.

Keith sighed exasperatedly looking at Matt for help.

“Shiro, I think Keith will already feel much better when you come upstairs with me for a little and get some rest.”, Matt suggested carefully nodding at the younger boy on the couch.

“I can’t let him out of sight! He has to take his pills and I need to make tea and-“, he ran his hand through his hair agitatedly.

“Shiro, you’re done! Keith called me because he was worried because of you and I can only agree with him. Come on, we go upstairs and I’m sure Lance and Pidge will gladly keep an eye on him.”

The two nodded. “Of course! I take care of my younger siblings all the time!”, Lance assured him.

Shiro looked desperately at Keith who told him to finally get some sleep and stop worrying so much. Finally, Shiro gave in and let Matt lead him upstairs.

As soon as the two had left, Lance stepped towards the couch. The room was dark but he could still make out Keith’s flushed cheeks and his shivering form beneath the blankets. On his arms and his temple, he recognized scratches and bruises and he was sure if he could see more of Keith’s skin he would find injuries like that all over his body. The paleness of his skin was alarming and buried under all these covers, he looked so weak and vulnerable like he’d never seen him before. “Hey, Keith. How are you feeling?”, he asked gently.

Keith shrugged. He wished Matt wouldn’t have brought the two along even if he had to admit that it was nice to see Lance again. Still, he hated to be seen so helpless and weak. Not to forget that their presence was automatically reminding him of the incident in school.

Lance looked around. He had seen the living room before, of course. What he hadn’t seen so far was the huge number of blankets Shiro had wrapped Keith up in. The empty tea mugs, the thermometer, pajamas and the bucket were also new. Shiro obviously didn’t do things by halves!

“Shall we get you something?”, Pidge asked.

Keith shook his head.

“Well, I guess, I’ll get something to eat for Shiro then.”, she said stepping into the kitchen and opening the fridge.

“I don’t think we have much. Despite soup, of course.”, he answered and Pidge soon found that she could only affirm this. On the spur of the moment, she grabbed her brother’s keys.

“I’m going shopping then.”, she stated. “You two need something different than soup and toasted bread if you want to get better any time soon, respectively stay healthy.”

“Thank you.”, Keith said trying for a smile. It was more of a painful grimace that made the girl shake her head though.

“Don’t mention it.”

Soon the two boys could hear the front door shut behind her and they were left alone.

“Can I sit down?”, Lance asked and Keith nodded.

He made room for the Cuban boy on the couch and propped himself up a little. He didn’t want Lance to think he was actively dying or something. After all, he was well aware of how he had to look right now. “Sure.”

“You look…”, Lance started not really knowing how to finish his sentence. What was the right adjective to describe his state of health? Awful? Tired? Exhausted? In pain?

“I know.”

“Are you sure that there is nothing I can do for you? I don’t want to bug you, I only feel like I should do _something_ , you know. It makes me feel guilty just sitting here while you are in pain.”, he explained carefully. After all, Keith had been pretty annoyed by Shiro’s behavior and he didn’t want to make a fuss.

“I’m okay. Honestly, it’s not as bad as it looks. Just sitting here is more than enough.” Keith explained with a yawn.

“Don’t mind me then. Feel free to get some sleep or something. I hope Matt gets Shiro to get some rest too.”

But this was easier said than done. His muscles ached and he kept tossing and turning. He didn’t manage to keep his eyes closed for long glancing at Lance ever so often. It was new for him to go to asleep while he was being watched so intensely, apart from Shiro, of course, who did this quite frequently. So, despite his tiredness, he stayed awake and ultimately gave up. He propped himself up.

“You good there, mullet?”, Lance asked. “Feeling a little restless?”

The younger boy shrugged. He knew what Lance was thinking about. He had the same pitying look on his face Shiro had whenever he thought Keith wasn’t paying attention. It was the same look the doctors had given him after they found out the whole story and the psychiatrists and experts Shiro kept sending him to. This was why he’d never said anything.

Lance seemed to sense what he was thinking. “Keith.”, he sighed, “I understand if you don’t want to talk about what happened. I surely wouldn’t want to either if I was you. I have no idea what you went through and how terrible it has to be for you having everybody in school knowing about it too. Just- You should know that I’m on your side whatever happens. You don’t have to tell me anything at all, really. I wish I had never read that paper, honestly!”

Keith looked up at him in surprise by that last sentence.

“I mean, I don’t have the right to know! It’s you who has to decide who is to find out and how much. I beat the shit out of Lotor by the way. He won’t get away with it, I promise!”, Lance’s voice hitched with desperation by the end and Keith had no idea what to do nor what to say.

He still felt embarrassed and exposed at Lance having so much intimate humiliating information about him. The Cuban boy would never see him with the same eyes again, he knew this and it hurt. But maybe, only maybe something good could come from this too at some point in the future. Keith knew that even if he’d wanted it, he would’ve never managed to tell Lance about his past. Now, this at least wouldn’t stand between them anymore, even if it raised other problems. “Lance, it’s- it’s okay for now. I think.”, he wasn’t sure what exactly he meant by that but Lance seemed to get it since he lightened up instantly.

“I’ll stop getting on your nerves then.”, he promised awkwardly patting on his own shoulder in a silent offer, “Do you maybe want to-?”

Keith smiled and to his own surprise, he leaned into the older boy’s side. Lance was warm and fuzzy and he relaxed almost instantly into him. An arm was brought up and hugged him close to his side. “You’re comfy.”, he told him suppressing a yawn when Lance began to stroke his hair.

Lance nuzzled his hair with his cheek tightening his grip on him. Keith cuddled cutely into his side and he could barely restrain from cooing. He wanted to ask him after their make-out session and if he would like to go out with him sometime but he knew this had to wait. Right now, Keith needed a friend and even more, sleep. “And you have a fever.”, he said instead when he felt the smaller boy’s head burning through his Shirt. “Get some rest, buddy.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”, he protested weakly already feeling his eyelids falling. He didn’t even hear Lance’s answer anymore. Right before he drifted off, he could’ve sworn, he felt lips pressing against his forehead in a gentle kiss. He was probably dreaming already.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for all your nice reviews! I really enjoy writing this story and it's nice to hear there are people still reading this.

„How long was I out?”, Keith croaked opening his eyes slowly. He was still tucked into the Cuban boy’s side, a cover had been pulled over his shoulders and a hand was tangled into his hair. His ribs protested when he tried to sit up so he sank back into place.

Lance looked at him in surprise not having expected Keith to wake up just yet. He glanced at the clock. “A little more than an hour.”, he told him pressing his hand against his forehead, “I think your fever has gone down a bit. Are you feeling a little better?”

Keith shrugged. His headache had lessened a bit and as long as he didn’t move, his ribs didn’t hurt too bad either. His muscles were still aching though and he felt weak and cold all over. “I guess.”

Lance helped him to sit up and handed him a glass of water he downed greedily. He watched him inhaling the water. A single drop ran down the corner of the smaller teen’s mouth, flew over his chin and throat and finally vanished into the loose tank top that was way too big on him and made Lance wonder if it belonged to Shiro. He swallowed. “Hey, Keith?”, Lance spoke up suddenly nervously.

He looked up at the older boy on expectation.

“I know you have a lot on your plate right now and there definitely are things we should speak about – I think you know what I’m talking about - but I wondered if you, err, well-“, he interrupted himself with a prominent blush on his face. Why was this so hard? He had done this so often by now and though he was always disappointed when it didn’t work out (which was pretty much always) he never had asked someone out that was so important to him.

“If I what?”

“I know this might sound crazy and it’s okay if you don’t want to but I’d really like to go out with you.”

Keith gaped at him. “Why would you want to do that?”, the words had left his mouth before he could stop himself. No, he certainly hadn’t expected this. He was moody, angry and hot headed and Lance knew exactly how broken he was. After all, he’d witnessed him freaking out more than once by now. Was this maybe a charity thing? But as hard as he tried he could recognize no trace of pity on the Cuban boy’s face.

“Err, because I like you? You’re a good guy, Keith. You care about others a lot even if you don’t show it too often and you’re really smart and cute! Once you come out of your defensive state you’re really funny too and I- I simply want to get to know you better and spend more time with you.”, Lance didn’t know what else he should say. Keith’s question had caught him off of guard. He’d prepared to be dismissed and laughed at or even kicked out but not… _this_. Keith sounded so shocked, so genuinely surprised someone was interested in him, it made him sad. “I _really_ like you.”

Keith’s frown on the other hand, had turned into a happy grin. Lance wanted him! He really wanted him! Despite his hurting ribs, he climbed upon the taller boy’s lap relishing the surprised gasp he got in return.

“Keith, what-“, he was interrupted by Keith smashing their lips together in a fierce kiss.

Caught by surprise, it took a moment before he was able to return the kiss properly. It was obvious Keith wasn’t too experienced but he made more than up for it with his fierceness and passion. Lance decided to let Keith lead him, not rushing or slowing down but simply copying what he was doing. One of his hands he’d placed on the smaller boy’s hips to help him holding himself up, the other one was tangled into Keith’s hair drawing him closer. It was a great kiss as far as Lance could judge this by the heat of the moment. Maybe even the best kiss he’d ever received and if it was only due to the fact that it was _Keith_ who he was kissing.

Ultimately, Keith pulled away panting. His lips were still parted and his cheeks flushed. Lance could sense the younger boy’s hands he’d placed on his shoulders during the kiss trembling. He was feeling the same. “Yes, I would actually love to go out with you!”, he grinned.

“ _What_?”

“Oh shit!”

The couple on the couch turned around in horror only to face a very shocked Shiro and a slightly surprised Matt.

“Err, I can explain this!”, Lance tried knowing fully well that even though he could give an explanation for the situation, he would get no sympathy from Shiro for it.

Keith was still in shock, staring wide-eyed at his brother and his best friend like a deer in the headlights.

Pidge chose this very moment to come back with two white plastic bags full of groceries. She entered through the kitchen door from where she could see the couch but not the two older boy’s standing by the door frame of the door leading to the floor. She put the bags down taking notice of Keith sitting on Lance’s lap and their closeness as well as their slightly swollen lips and flushed faces. Smirking, she put two and two together. “Hey guys, I’m back! I would ask if you missed me but as I clearly see that’s not the case! Are you making out again?”

“ _Again_?”, Shiro exclaimed. Too late, Pidge realized her mistake.

Keith couldn’t believe this was happening. One second, everything had been fine and the other it was, well, not. Shiro hadn’t been supposed to know. He might’ve considered telling him about the date once they had settled for something. But he had planned on taking the secret of what had happened on this disastrous afternoon a few weeks ago to the grave! This couldn’t end well. Seeing Lance’s pale face, he knew this too.

“What is going on here?”, Shiro demanded to know.

“Stay calm, Takashi! Remember, Patience yields focus!”, the older Holt sibling tried to intervene by putting his hand onto his shoulder. Self-evidently, it was to no avail.

“Sorry, guys. I didn’t know he was there.”, Pidge apologized. This was bad, she knew. She had heard stories from Matt from which she knew Shiro tended to be a bit overprotective of his younger brother at times. She could only imagine what it must’ve done to Shiro to know Keith had been hurt like this. It was only logical this tendency had increased quite a bit ever since.

“Err, you see, Shiro, I mean _sir_! I really like your brother and I wondered if he wanted to go out with me?”, Lance shrunk under the older man’s death glare.

“And therefore, you had to stick your tongue down his throat?!”

“Shiro, I was the one who kissed Lance!”, Keith hurried to say. Then, he realized they were interrogated because they had been _kissing_! “Not that this is any of your business.”, he added. He was still sitting on top of Lance (mainly because of his aching ribs) which didn’t seem to delight his brother In the slightest.

“You’re too young for dates!”, Shiro stated fully aware of how weak this argument was.

Keith snorted. _But I wasn’t too young to get frequently raped by the man who raised me?!_ “I’m sixteen! You were fifteen when you went out with Adam for the first time! How stupid do you think I am?” Lance was squirming nervously beneath him and he could understand him. His brother could truly be scary at times.

Shiro ignored his brother turning directly to Lance instead. “I think it would be better if you leave now.”, he insisted.

“Maybe you’re right.”, Lance didn’t want to go but he also knew that it would get only more stressful for Keith if he stayed. Hopefully, Shiro would calm down once he was away. Still, he didn’t like the thought of leaving. Especially seeing how Keith held onto him while still keeping up his protest.

“No, he is not!”, he glared at his brother, “You’re going too far, Shiro!”

But it availed nothing. Lance sat him back down onto the couch squeezing his leg in sympathy and giving him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, mullet! I’ll call you!”, he told him. In the background, Shiro darkly murmured “You will certainly not!” Seconds later, the front door fell shut behind Lance and the Holt siblings who threw looks of sympathy at him.

Shiro was standing in front of him with arms crossed in front of his chest. He was looking sternly at him but Keith could make out concern too behind his mask. “How long has this been going on?”, he wanted to know.

Keith, however, was having none of that. Ignoring the pain and the dizziness, he stood up passing his brother who caught him by the wrist.

“You know that you need to stay put! I get that you’re mad but this is serious! He’s only using you!”

Keith hated how sure Shiro sounded while saying this. As if he knew anything about Lance. In reality he had no idea how gentle and kind-hearted the Cuban boy was and what he had already done for him up to this point! Also, Shiro knew enough about Lance to know better than this. “Using me for what?”

“He’s taking advantage of your situation! He knows that you’re vulnerable right now!”

The younger boy laughed humorlessly freeing his wrist. “He has seen me way more vulnerable already and guess what? He wouldn’t even have had to undress me to ‘ _take advantage of me’_! I’d already done that willingly!” Okay, maybe this hadn’t been the most intelligent thing to say but he was angry and it was true after all. The look of utter shock on his brother’s face was almost worth it.

“What are you talking about?”, he sounded scared and urgent at the same time.

“None of your business!”, Keith told the older man, “I know this is hard for you too but you can’t take control of my life like this!”, he told a completely dumbfounded Shiro and due to the adrenalin flowing through his veins he managed to get upstairs and into his room. He locked the door and let himself fall onto his bed. Fortunately, Shiro hadn’t taken his blankets from here. Through sheer willpower, he kept the nausea from overwhelming him and pulled the covers over his head.

He could hear Shiro pacing up and down in front of his door but he never dared to knock. Keith knew Shiro didn’t know what to say and if he was being honest, right now he preferred it this way. For the time being, he needed to cool off before he said something he might regret later and he had the feeling it would be better if his brother did the same. He only hoped, Shiro hadn’t scared off Lance too much.

Sighing, he rolled onto his side to face the wall and away from the window that let in the light from the street lamp. He didn’t know when exactly he’d fallen asleep but at some point he must’ve dozed off because when he opened his eyes the next time, it was completely dark around him. No light came from outside anymore which meant someone had drawn the curtains shut. Before he had time to think about it, the mattress dipped beside him and a cold compress was placed on his forehead. It was wet and cold and came so unexpected to the still sleepy Keith, he jerked violently.

Shiro hushed him switching on the small lamp on his night stand. He put one of his Shirts over the light to dull it and not cause Keith further pain. “Sorry for waking you.”, he said quietly when Keith turned around to fully face him. Sighing, he laid down onto the bed next to his brother. For the following, he wanted to be on eye level with Keith. “I got the spare key. I think we’ve got to talk.”

The younger boy sighed, “I know.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for so many nice comments, guys! This is the second last chapter and it makes me sad to think that it's almost over. I'm already working on two new fanfictions, so hopefully, you won't miss me for long.

“You know what I’m going to ask.”, Shiro began. Actually, he wasn’t sure at all what he was supposed to say. Of course, he had thought about it. He hadn’t been able to think of anything else since their fight. And yes, he had settled on the questions he really needed to be answered and the things he wanted to tell Keith but now that he was actually facing his brother, he couldn’t remember any of them. 

Keith knew what Shiro wanted him to talk about. He had no idea where to start though.

“I realized that I might’ve overacted a little this afternoon.”, Shiro admitted. It was probably the easiest to start with an apology. Keith raised his eyebrows at him in surprise. Obviously, he hadn’t expected that. “I was just surprised, you see? I didn’t know you liked Lance that much. I didn’t even know you were interested in dating and relationships already. You never mentioned anything. You’d just turned fifteen when the whole thing started and were too young to be actually interested in boys. I guess, I assumed that after all those terrible things that happened to you, you simply wouldn’t want to be in a relationship at all. I can’t really explain why I was so convinced of this. Maybe it was because you always retreated and seemed to be so afraid of opening up to other people that I simply failed to notice that despite everything he did to you, it didn’t erase the need of being close to someone. Maybe it was only the hope of an older brother not wanting to see the most important person in his life to be hurt again.”, he gave Keith a sad smile. He’d really thought this through and hoped he wasn’t too far from the truth.

The younger boy didn’t know what to say to this. He’d spent countless nights lying awake in bed trying to remember how it had been before. Did he use to have crushes on anybody? How often had he masturbated? Or had he at all? What had he felt when an X-rated scene had come on in the TV? What had changed in comparison to now? Did he still have the same fantasies and urges? Which sides of him had been destroyed and which awoken? He couldn’t say he had come to a conclusion yet. Shiro was obsessed with keeping the house clean of anything ‘not suitable for children’. He was actually pretty sure he had seen him getting rid of his own porn magazines just so Keith would never accidentally come across them. Apart from that, he couldn’t say his libido had acted up for a long time. The first time he had felt something along those lines again, it had been in the car with Lance when he’d felt the urge to kiss the Cuban boy.

He couldn’t even say if Shiro was right with his assumption or not. It sounded about right but what that actually meant for him, he didn’t know. Accordingly, he had no idea what to answer. Fortunately, Shiro didn’t seem to expect him to say something either. He knew Keith wasn’t good with this kind of situations and he would give him time to express whatever he had to say later when he’d had the time to consider everything.

“So, if you want to go out with Lance, I won’t stop you. He really seems like a nice guy and I’m sorry I overacted. I only hope you won’t do anything you aren’t ready for.”

Keith had to fight the impulse to roll his eyes at this. _Cheesy_! Still, it was well meant and it almost amused him how his brother avoided the word _Sex_ whenever he was around him.

“As for the other thing you said, I know I’m not the easiest to deal with right now and I’m really sorry you have to suffer because of that. Believe me, I never wanted it to be like this and I certainly didn’t want to cause you further pain!”

“I know that.”, Keith felt the need to say something. “I know you’re doing your best.” And he was appreciating it.

“But I hurt you anyway, didn’t I?”, Shiro asked bitterly reaching out to stroke back a strand of the younger boy’s unruly hair. “I should know better. If it was the other way round I would probably freak out. I don’t think I realized before just how much I was cornering and coddling you, despite you absolutely hating it!”

“You did your best.”, Keith repeated.

“It’s not enough.”

“For me it is.”, he argued, “Besides, you really aren’t that bad.”

“Thank you, Keith.”, Shiro smiled. “I promise, I’ll try to stop fussing so much in the future and you can always tell me if I’m going too far, okay?”, The younger boy nodded and he really considered leaving it at that and simply pulling Keith into his arms. Up to this point, their conversation had been quite successful and he really wanted it to end like this too. Still, there was one more thing he needed to know. “Hey, buddy. Can I ask you something else?”

“If you promise not to freak out by the answer.”, Keith knew exactly what Shiro’s question would be. He didn’t want to tell his brother but he had already revealed too much to simply pretend he hadn’t said it and hope the older boy had forgotten about this too. Knowing Shiro, he would probably imagine the wildest things and lose it every time he saw him with Lance. The question was only what was worse? The truth or Shiro’s wildest fantasies?

“Of course! You can tell me everything. So, what did you mean when you said Lance had the chance to take advantage of you already?”

“Do you remember that last doctor you send me to?”

“Dr. Alfor?”, Shiro asked frowning.

“Probably. I don’t remember the name. You know, after you left he started talking even more rubbish like most of these guys did. But at one point he said something about getting back in control of my life. I don’t know, it sounded logical to me. Only that of course, he didn’t say how to do this. I mean, I couldn’t think of anything I could get back in charge of easily. Or at least nothing useful.”, he didn’t say that he’d had this problem because Shiro was in control of everything going on in his life but by the way the older boy’s face dropped, he understood. “It’s not your fault. Really.”, he hurried to say, “I guess, it is kind of your job after all. It only complicated things a little. Then I met Lance who was, well, being Lance and kept flirting with me. I err, kinda asked him if he wanted to have Sex with me on the day you were at Matt’s after school. He would’ve preferred a date but agreed in the end.”, Keith was shaking nervously not daring to look up at his brother, “I told him to get some stuff”, he really hoped Shiro knew what he meant with stuff for he was not ready to explain Shiro that he’d asked Lance to buy Lube and condoms, “and gave him the address. I thought if maybe I decided it this time, if I was in control, I could- I don’t know, forget? I didn’t want _him_ to rule my life anymore!”

“Oh Keith!”, Shiro exclaimed shaken pulling the boy into his arms immediately. Keith started sobbing into his shoulder and he tightened his grip on him. He wanted to say something; to tell Keith how fucking sorry he was he hadn’t known and not been there for him in the aftermath. He should’ve known the injury on his hand hadn’t been caused by Keith accidentally hitting the wall during a nightmare and he should’ve realized Keith didn’t have a headache in the first place! But the younger boy wasn’t done yet.

“It was terrible! I tried to hang on but I couldn’t do it!”, he cried into his shoulder, “I just couldn’t! I freaked out and screamed at Lance.”

“What did he do, bud?”, Shiro asked gently.

“He stopped and apologized and asked if I was okay or if he should call someone. I yelled at him to go but he said he couldn’t leave me on my own like this. He would only leave when I didn’t stop screaming at him.”, Keith was still sobbing unrestrained and Shiro had begun to rock them back and forth in the hope it would relax Keith a little like it usually did. “I’m sorry.”, he could make out between the sobs, “It was a stupid thing to do!”

Shiro’s stomach clenched at this. Keith wasn’t supposed to feel guilty for what he did. Of course, he didn’t like what his brother was telling him and he felt awful for having it let come thus far. He should’ve known, at the latest when Keith had gotten sick the next day. He wished he had taken him aside at some point during the last months and talked to him about Sex and how important it was to be able to trust the person one was intimate with. This could’ve gone even more wrong, after all. As his older brother and legal guardian, this would’ve been his obligation. “Shhh! There’s no reason to apologize to me. I’m not mad at you.”. he tried, “Wanting to survive is not stupid!”

Keith nodded but didn’t seem convinced. Sighing, Shiro sat up and pulled him with him and onto his lap. Keith was starting to hyperventilate and breathing would be easier this way. Calmingly, he stroked over his back while Keith buried his head into the crook of his neck gasping for air. “It’s okay!”, he told him, “Just breath. You’re gonna be alright!”

“No!”, Keith cried, “Nothing I tried did work! I can’t go on like this, Shiro, I can’t!”

Shiro swallowed. It was the first time Keith had ever said something like this to him. “I know, buddy.” What else was he supposed to say? “But I promise, I won’t stop searching for something that helps you!”, he promised, “Just please don’t give up on yourself!” Tears had started to stream down his own face by now too and all he could do was to hold Keith tight while helping him to let it all out.

Eventually, Keith calmed down a little. He was still muffling sobs into the older man’s neck but he was a little clearer. Shiro never let go of him which he was very grateful for seeing he probably wouldn’t have been able to hold himself up on his own. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”, he said his voice hoarse from crying, “I was sure you would’ve freaked out and worried…”, he sighed.

“Oh, I would’ve freaked out. Completely. Still, you can tell me such things even if it freaks me out because not knowing how you are and only guessing is even worse. Also, I’m always worried about you. That’s my job.”

“No, it’s not!”, he protested wiping the tears away from his cheeks even though new ones were already following. “You’re twenty-three, Shiro! You should – I don’t know – go to parties, get laid, catch some STDs!”

Shiro huffed, “That’s not how a university works, you know.”

“Matt said otherwise.”

Shiro couldn’t help but smile. Despite how concerning Keith’s words were, it was reassuring to think some things would never change. “Matt’s a dumbass.”

Keith shrugged yawning, “My point still stands.”

“I prefer spending my time with you rather than with those boring students there.”

Keith could only shake his head about this. “You’re throwing away your life for me!”

This shocked Shiro. Did Keith really believe this? This wasn’t the case at all! He loved spending time with his younger brother and sometimes he wondered how long he would’ve been able to stand the separation from the younger boy even if none of this happened. They’d always been so close. Their mother had died when Keith had been six and he had taken over for her. She hadn’t always been the greatest Mum but she’d always done her best and Keith had absolutely adored her. He actually had a lot from her. After her death, they’d been sent to live with Shiro’s Dad – Krolia had refused to tell them about Keith’s father and till today they didn’t even know his name- who was nice enough to take both boys. Shiro used to think that it was because he liked kids. At least, it had appeared so at this point of time. Now he highly doubted this. The relationship between Keith and his father had never been as close as the one to his Mum but they’d gotten along well enough and Shiro had thought it would be okay when he left for university. It had been the worst mistake he’d ever made. As long as he’d been home, his father hadn’t dared to touch Keith – as far as he knew, at least.

During their childhood they had to deal with a lot of changes thus they had been the only constants in each other’s lives. Shiro had been the one to pick him up from school or go to the library with him. He’d been the one to whom Keith would come after he had a nightmare or when some idiots in school had made fun of him again. In turn, Shiro had Keith to comfort him when he’d been lovesick for the first time (as much as he’d loved Adam, that guy could be a right asshole sometimes. Keith words, not his.).

So, how could Keith actually think of it as throwing his life away? Of course, it was a tough time for both of them right now. But all in all, Shiro had to say that he was glad that he wasn’t hundreds of miles away studying medicine in university right now. “Do you really think like this?”

Keith nodded.

“Look at me!”, he ordered gently, “I’m not throwing my life away! You are my family! I was miserable at college without you. I missed you so much I thought about dropping out every day. Right now, I’m more than content with staying at home with you.” He hoped he was getting the message across.

Keith gaped at him. “You never told me.” Of course, Shiro had mentioned that he missed him. Actually, he had told him that pretty often but back then he had been busy with his own problems – namely his stepfather – thus he hadn’t given it much of a second thought. He would’ve never guessed, Shiro had truly been _miserable_ without him. If he was honest, he’d actually guessed Shiro was happier there than he’d liked to admit. At home, he always had to be the responsible older brother because he wanted to be a good role model to him. Keith knew from experience how hard it was to play a role. He was doing so since _he_ had laid hand on him for the first time, after all. Even though he didn’t doubt Shiro’s love for him one second, it had to be freeing to the older boy not to hold back and restrain himself anymore.

Shiro chuckled. “You would’ve called me a softie. Besides I thought you were mad at me for leaving. You were so quiet whenever I came home to visit and flinched back when I touched you. Now I know that this was for an entirely different reason and I feel stupid for thinking so but back then,  I was sure this was the last thing you wanted to hear from me.”, he explained feeling guilty just thinking about it. He should’ve recognized the signs! They had been there right in front of his nose but he simply hadn’t been able to put one and one together.

“I missed you too.” He couldn’t blame Siro for thinking he had been angry. He had been. But not at Shiro but at his Dad and himself. Later, the police had asked why he’d never called 911 and up to this day, he had no explanation for it. He hadn’t exactly been threatened. Well, no one had been supposed to know and if he was perfectly honest he had to admit he had been a little in denial too. Still, this didn’t explain the reason he’d gone completely rigid in shock and fear whenever this man had touched him. He seldomly had the strength to try and fight back. Any and all energy had left his body and his knees had just given out beneath him. How could he still call himself a fighter after this? He swallowed. “But what about your study? You always wanted to be a doctor.”

“And I will be one day.”, Shiro smiled at him warmly, “When you go to university in a few years, I will do too.”

 _Oh. Okay, well yes_. This was a solution too. Not perfect or just like Keith had wanted it, but he guessed he could live with it. Maybe Shiro’s decision hadn’t been all that stupid.

“Do you see now that I didn’t throw away anything? I still have all possibilities and I’m content with where I am now.”

A small smile played on Keith’s face as he looked up to the older man. Then, he scrunched up his nose in mocked disgust. “You’re gonna be so old though when you’re done studying.”, he said, “Sure you don’t want to look for a nursing home already?”

Shiro laughed pulling him in and pressing his lips against his temple. He really felt better now getting all these things off his chest and he hoped that Keith did so too. Sure, there were still a lot of things he wanted to ask and talk about with Keith but for now, there was nothing truly urgent left and it was late. “Is there something else you want to tell me?”, he asked gently.

Keith thought about it but right now he couldn’t think of anything so he shook his head. “I don’t think so.”, he yawned right after.

“Then, how about you try to catch some sleep?” His question was answered by another yawn. Carefully, he helped Keith to lay back into the pillows and tucked him. When he tried to sit up again, the younger boy caught his wrist looking at him with pleading eyes. “It’s okay, buddy, I’m going to stay. Unless you don’t want me here, of course.”

Keith had talked enough for one day. He simply tucked at Shiro’s sleeve and slung his arms around his brother’s middle as soon as he lowered himself. Maybe Shiro was right and they would find something that helped him. For once in his life, he actually felt better after talking and no matter what it would mean in the end, it was something he could hold onto. It was reassuring to know he didn’t have to feel guilty too and despite what he had told Shiro, he was convinced the overprotectiveness and the prodding would lessen in the future.

“First thing, we’re gonna do in the morning is to call Lance.”, Shiro promised, “And when you’re better you go out with him and we talk about the rest, okay?”

Keith pressed into the older man’s side nodding. He felt exhausted from the talking and Shiro was warm and comfy so he nuzzled closer. While Shiro kept stroking his hair and humming reassuringly to him, he drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face. For the first time in months, he was positive no nightmares would hunt him tonight.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God, I can't believe this really is going to be the last chapter! I know this was a wild ride, so thanks to everyone who stayed until now.

Keith’s hopes weren’t deceived. He slept peacefully through the night and most of the morning. Around ten O’clock he opened his eyes to find himself cuddled into the older man’s chest. Shiro was breathing evenly beneath him and Keith could feel how thoroughly relaxed he was. He’d thought Shiro was still asleep so, accordingly, he was surprised when a hand came up to stroke his hair and someone whispered “Good morning” to him. He hadn’t known Shiro could be that slackened if awake. It was a nice change.

After he had his temperature taken and had swallowed his pills, Shiro helped him to get dressed in some jogging pants and a fresh T-Shirt. Keith hadn’t seen his brother that relaxed in months and it was really soothing to him. They ate breakfast together before Shiro made good on his promise to call Lance who was more than a little surprised to hear from the older man. Despite the initial shock, he agreed to come over.

“Now, it’s on you.”, Shiro told him smiling after he hung up, “Go get him!”

“You would tell me if your brother polished some evil plan to kill me in an unbelievable painful way, right?”, Lance whispered to Keith after Shiro had let him in and guided him upstairs into the younger boy’s room.

Keith smirked. “Didn’t he apologize to you?”

“Yes. Yes, he did. It scared me a little. Yesterday, I thought he wanted to kill me and five minutes ago he almost begged me to go out with you and don’t drop it because of the way he acted. What have you done to him?”

“Nothing special. Just, y’know, me being me.”, Keith really didn’t want to go into detail about their late-night conversation. He was lying in bed again. Even though his fever had gone down significantly he still felt a little cold and shivery. 

“Whatever you did, it worked. You look a lot better than before.”, he smiled. “Can I sit down?”

“Sure.”

Lance seemed still a bit nervous when he sat down on the foot of the bed glancing towards the door where Shiro had been standing only a few minutes ago.

“Relax! He won’t come back to murder you from behind! You don’t have to cower on the edge like that.”, Keith told him rolling his eyes. He was glad Lance was here. They had a lot to talk about. The conversation with Shiro had given him enough confidence to finally address his problems. Or at least he hoped so.

Lance inched a little closer. He wasn’t sure what to make of this situation yet but it appeared Shiro had actually changed his mind about them and there really were more pressing matters at hand. Such as Keith who he’d hopefully be able to call his boyfriend in the near future. It was okay if he didn’t want to talk about _it_ just yet or like, ever. It wouldn’t change his feelings. Nothing would do that. He opened his mouth to tell Keith exactly this but the younger boy was quicker.

“I was raped, Lance!”, he blurted out, “By the man who raised me and who I trusted. I have nightmares and insomnia. I have PTSD and sometimes, I drink. I can’t participate in PE because I’d have to change in the dressing room and having to undress in front of someone freaks me out! Oh, and the reason I wanted to have Sex with you back then, was that I was convinced I would get back in charge of my own life since I feel like I have no control of anything right now. It was stupid and I’m sorry for using you. As you probably already learned I have trust issues and am hard to deal with.”

“Keith.”, Lance breathed.

“The question is, do you still want to go out with me? Cause I doubt we’re going to have Sex together anytime soon and I’ll be difficult and-“

“Yes!”, Lance pressed his finger against Keith’s lips gently. “I like you, Keith. And this won’t change anything for me.”, he reassured him.

Keith unconsciously wiped away a tear that had made its way down his cheeks. Of course, Lance noticed this though. He took Keith’s wrist gently and pried it away from his face only to kiss the inside of it and then brushed the tear off with his own thump. “Do you- err, do you wanna talk about it?”, he asked.

It was the gentleness of Lance’s touch and the genuine look in his eye that broke the ice. His lips began to move on their own account and before he knew it, he had begun talking. He told Lance about his Mum that had died in a car crash when he had been a child and his Dad he had never even met. The Cuban boy didn’t interrupt him once, only put his hand on Keith’s and squeezed it reassuringly while he began to talk about Shiro’s father. How he had pretty much raised him and even though they had never been that close, he’d truly liked him. Still, there had always been something he just couldn’t get a grip on; how he looked at him and in the way he would sometimes put his hand on his shoulder. He had never really _done_ something until Shiro’d moved out to go to university. There had been looks he couldn’t pin down and that nobody besides him had been aware of but he’d never truly thought much of it. Until then.

Tears were rolling down his face when he told Lance about the first time he had been dragged out of bed in the middle of the night not understanding what was going on. _“I’ve wanted to do this in a long time!”_ Was the only thing _he_ ever said to him to acknowledge his doings. Keith didn’t go too much into detail about the rape but it was still more than he had ever told anyone so far. It was hard to talk about this, especially with Shiro. After all, this man kind of had been his father even if Shiro assured him that all the positive feelings he’d ever had for this man, had been erased the moment he’d laid hand on Keith. However, he knew things weren’t easy like this. Family never was.

When he was all done, he leaned into Lance’s side and put his head exhaustedly onto his shoulder.

“I don’t know what to say to all of this.”, Lance said not even bothering anymore to wipe away his own tears. “I’m just- I’m sorry. For everything, you had to go through. And still do.”, he said slinging his arm around Keith’s shoulder pulling him closer.

“It’s not your fault.”, he was too tired to get upset about the hint of pity that was to hear in the older boy’s voice. He was simply grateful that Lance still wanted to go out with him, despite his past and Shiro freaking out on him and the problems he would have to deal with in the future. They still hadn’t figured out yet what to do with his school and if he could go back there after all. For once he actually believed Shiro though when he said they would work out something.

“I know. I just wished you would’ve been spared that experience.”

“Me too.”

Lance squeezed his hand in sympathy. “So, what about Shiro? Are you two cool now? This has to be a lot for both of you.”

Keith didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes, we are. He’s amazing, y’know. Also annoying as hell but he was always on my side.”

“Do you- Have you ever wondered if maybe he killed his father on purpose?”, he hoped he wasn’t crossing a line with his question. Still, it had been his first thought when Keith had told him Shiro had pushed him out of the room and he had fallen down the stairs. Not that he’d deplore him. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how one had to feel when one discovered one’s father raping his own kids! If he tried to imagine,  he could absolutely see himself kicking his father down the stairs not caring if he survived or not.

Keith shrugged. He felt more balanced than ever since the first time he had been raped. If he would’ve guessed talking with Shiro could change so much, he probably would’ve gotten his shit together weeks ago! And it wasn’t like Lance’s question wasn’t justified. He had thought about this possibility more than once himself. “If Shiro wanted him to die, he would’ve beaten him to death. Besides, he would’ve told me when I asked him.”, he answered truthfully.

“Oh. Okay.” What else should he say? “That’s cool, I guess?”, he offered making Keith blink at him. “You know, having someone care about you and well, not killing people. I mean, I didn’t want to say that-“

Keith pressed his finger against his lips hushing him for which Lance was actually pretty grateful. His heart skipped a beat when Keith replaced his finger by his lips kissing him gently. It was barely more than a peck but so very different from the heated passionate making out session they had had before, it made him speechless. He stared at Keith in dumbfounded awe. _Wow_.

Keith blushed hiding his reddened cheek by leaning back into Lance’s side and putting his head onto the older boy’s shoulder. “What?”

“Maybe we should skip the dating thing and jump right to the part where I propose to you.” Now Keith was blushing even more, burying his face into his shoulder. _Cute cute cute!_ He should say things like this more often.

“Shut up!”, Keith’s voice was muffled by the older boy’s Shirt. How did one deal with situations like this? He’d ask Shiro later but his big brother would only coo at him.

“But I like making you blush!”, Lance pouted, “It’s cute!”

“I’m not cute!”, he protested.

“Yes, you are!”, he boobed his nose watching Keith scrunching it up cutely.

Keith groaned hiding further into his side. Lance laughed pulling him in closer and tucking his head beneath his chin. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop!”, he smiled. “Do you need something? Tea? Medicine?”, he asked suddenly remembering that Keith was still sick.

The younger boy shook his head yawning. “Just stay for a little, yeah? You’re comfortable.”

“Of course.” Lance was glad to obey. He helped Keith to get comfortable and pulled the covers up to his chin.

It didn’t take long until Keith had fallen asleep and soon Lance followed him. He had no idea what the future would bring but one thing was sure; together they would master it.  With this thought, he drifted off to sleep too.

None of them woke up when Shiro cautiously opened the door half an hour later to check on them. He smiled when he found them cuddled into each other in Keith’s bed. His brother looked relaxed and peaceful which was something that wasn’t to see every day. For once, he knew his decision had been right. It was a good thing he’d allowed Lance to come over. He was a good guy and he obviously cared about Keith. Nothing else mattered.

Quietly he closed the door behind him again, a warm smile playing on his face. A lot of things would change for the better now, he was sure. Suppressing a yawn, he decided he could do with a nap too. For the first time in what felt like forever, he didn’t feel like he had to worry about Keith. He was out like a light before his head touched the pillow.

 


End file.
